Do you think I'm naive?

[edpjrr]

edpjrr, I'm amazed you actually have no clue as to what he wants. He clearly wants to have sex with you. He doesn't want a relationship with you (one of the reasons is that he still hasn't gotten over his ex), so for now he wants to go on dates with you and sleep with you. Are you fine with that?

If you're not convinced: how about you ASK HIM what he wants?

Also: what do YOU want?

I would love to go on dates with him and to start a relationship with him but not a fling....
I don't want to be his friends with benefits.I want a RELATIONSHIP.I want to be his girlfriend.....

I'm not convinced that he doesn't like me...if he didn't like me like that,he wouldn't have talked to me for long hours every day and have hanged out with me pretty much every day.If he didn't like me in that way,he wouldn't have told me on the phone that he found me nice,good-looking,interesting and funny.

I'll ask him what he wants tomorrow.I can't stand anymore cos I really like him and I really want to know what he thinks.....

[edpjrr]

Are you sure he doesn't just want to get you drunk so you will have sex with him? I don't know about you but I generally try to avoid people who drink a lot and are drunk quite often, that goes for men and women btw.

Him having crushes on random girls at university should also be a warning sign for you. He doesn't seem to have any real and honest feelings for yoj, you are just the person who is easily accessible to him right now and that's why he wants to spend so much time with you. As soon as someone else shows up in his life you won't be getting as much attention from him anymore.

It's not like I've never suspected his intention of getting me drunk,but when he told me,"I like getting everyone drunk cos it's always funny to see people drunk",I believed in what he said. I took his words at a face value.
Well,I don't know.I could be wrong.I really have no idea what he was thinking of when he said he wanted to get me drunk.

"As soon as someone else shows up in his life you won't be getting as much attention from him anymore."<---I hope this won't happen...or else I would be hurt...

[searock]

I'll ask him what he wants tomorrow.

This is a very good idea.

If he tells you he wants to date you, make sure you tell him that you don't want a fling, and that you would like a relationship with him if the dates go well.

[edpjrr]

This is a very good idea.

If he tells you he wants to date you, make sure you tell him that you don't want a fling, and that you would like a relationship with him if the dates go well.

I talked to him on facebook chat yesterday.Though I didn't flat out telling him "I like you.Shall we go out?",I dropped big hints that I like him in that way.

Here is our conversation:

Me: What?!You went clubbing tonight?! LOOOOOL You wanted to get with girls there?! Is this your way to get over your ex-gf? Anyway,you shouldn't talk to me now.I'm such a loser! I'm weird,crazy,stupid and retarded....You shouldn't talk to me now....

Guy:I'm worried I know what you might say, and I've been just as stupid tonight anyway...

Me:I'm stupid..you shouldn't talk to me now...

Guy:You're really nice and pretty, but I've just broken up with my ex-gf cos she moved back to Asia, and just met a Korean girl tonight...So I'm just as stupid Anyway,I'm worried you're upset that I met another girl(Korean girl) tonight..but I wasn't expecting it either...my friend knows who I fancy and kind of forced me to speak to someone nice...And as surprised as I was, I was hoping it might put you off this conversation.In fairness, it seems likely she won't get back in touch with me..Not that she'd stick with me anyway.But I feel bad enough with this girl...I met you through my ex-gf...That on its own is bad enough...But I really like you and want you to be a close friend after today. Are you still there?

Me:Yes

Guy:Good I'm always an idiot.I can't even give a girl the right phone number LOL Or she's really sly at changing it.I like the girl I met tonight, so scared I gave her the wrong number / she won't call in the morning even though I know nothing can happen...If anything I'm too romantic
Anyway,please tell me I'm wrong about you!

Me:You're wrong???What?

Guy:Lol, I don't want to say anything if it isn't already obvious...And I feel too much of an idiot to make it clear

Me:What?I don't quite follow..

Guy:Well,I'm still not even sure that the first thing I thought was right... that you might "like" me And that that can't happen...Even if I have already been a dick tonight :0

Me:You don't need to know

Guy:Lol I kind of do, because the same part of me that finds all those random Asian women attractive thinks you're pretty...Well,I don't need to know..I'm just drunk

Me: You don't need to know

Guy:But now I've dug myself a hole...Because I don't think you "liked" me any more, and I've just embarrassed myself

Me:"liked"? why past tense?

Guy:In that I didn't think you liked me in the first place...But now I don't know what's going on

Meo you think I used to like you?

Guy:I don't know!!! And that wasn't even the embarrassing bit, but if you didn't notice then that's fine

Me:i'm pretty sure you've never liked me in that way,right?

Guy:I can't like you "in that way"

Me:good luck on everything..i wish you all the best

Guy:Lol thanks
See you soon, so we can forget this whole thing

Me:i mean..i wish you all the best
i'm not sure if i'll see you soon

Guy:I wish you all the best sounds pretty final
I need to meet up with you at some point for peace of mind anyway

Me:everything is fine now.
Problem solved

Guy:There was no problem in the first place.I won't say any more...But I will give you the impression that I want to say more because I can't quite leave it at that

Me:you're very nice and friendly I'm really glad to know you.
I hope we'll bump into each other on campus someday..You're such a nice and civil person.
You're not socially awkward.I'm sure you'll manage to make a lot of new friends at university...

Guy:Are you sure I'm not allowed to see you?

Me:I know it's a bit sad but...
__________________________________________________ ____________________________

Then he kept sending me texts and asking me to meet him up at some point cos he really needs to know why I want to end our friendship...I just ignored him...I feel hurt now because of the rejection.I think I need a bit of time to lick my wound.I don't want to see him now..To be honest,do you really think he has never liked me as more than a friend?Why did he talk to me every single day on facebook chat for hours (for 2 months)? Did he lead me on?! He told me he can't like me like that but he still wanted to know whether I like him in that way cos he finds me attractive?!!!!! What?I don't understand!

I'm sorry for the long conversation......but my heart is broken now..help!

[bearz]

This is a really strange and awkward conversation.

[edpjrr]

This is a really strange and awkward conversation.

Yes,it's very awkward...but I can't see why you think the conversation is strange??
Anyway,I admit I'm a weird person and so is he...

[bearz]

Yes,it's very awkward...but I can't see why you think the conversation is strange??
Anyway,I admit I'm a weird person and so is he...

Heh, that's ok. We're all weird in our own way. But I just don't see any big hints in that conversation that show you'd be interested in him. If you tried to tell him that you like him more than as just a friend you didn't get that message across.

[edpjrr]

Heh, that's ok. We're all weird in our own way. But I just don't see any big hints in that conversation that show you'd be interested in him. If you tried to tell him that you like him more than as just a friend you didn't get that message across.

"I'm weird,crazy,stupid and retarded....You shouldn't talk to me now...."<---this is his own way to tell a girl he likes her cos he always has a very low self-esteem and he likes being self-deprecating when he talks to a girl he likes...Yes,he's weird. So when I told him not to talk to me cos I'm weird,crazy,stupid and retarded(I was being self-deprecating as well),he could guess I was trying to tell him I "like" him in that way...Then he turned me down (indirectly and politely) by saying,"you're really nice and pretty but.........."

He has already turned me down and told me he met this Korean girl...so that's no point for me to make it clear that I "like" him in that way...I don't want to embarrass myself again.

[bearz]

But what about this?
"But I really like you and want you to be a close friend after today"
"because the same part of me that finds all those random Asian women attractive thinks you're pretty"

How do you interpret what he told you there?

[edpjrr]

But what about this?
"But I really like you and want you to be a close friend after today"
"because the same part of me that finds all those random Asian women attractive thinks you're pretty"

How do you interpret what he told you there?

I think what he said is quite confusing....

""But I really like you and want you to be a close friend after today"<---I think he really likes me as a close friend but not a girlfriend.....

He finds me attractive cos I'm Asian and he admitted he has a massive Asian fetish.He likes Asian girls.

[searock]

"I'm weird,crazy,stupid and retarded....You shouldn't talk to me now...."<---this is his own way to tell a girl he likes her cos he always has a very low self-esteem and he likes being self-deprecating when he talks to a girl he likes...Yes,he's weird. So when I told him not to talk to me cos I'm weird,crazy,stupid and retarded(I was being self-deprecating as well),he could guess I was trying to tell him I "like" him in that way...

WTF...

Agree to meet him, then tell him face to face that you like him and are starting to develop feelings for him, so if he doesn't feel the same way it's best if you two don't keep in contact / see each other anymore, because it would only be painful and confusing for you.

It's as simple as that.

[edpjrr]

WTF...

Agree to meet him, then tell him face to face that you like him and are starting to develop feelings for him, so if he doesn't feel the same way it's best if you two don't keep in contact / see each other anymore, because it would only be painful and confusing for you.

It's as simple as that.

What's the point to meet him and tell him that I "like" him in that way? I don't want him to reject me again...He's already told me on facebook chat that he likes this Korean girl who he met in a club the other night and he gave her his phone number.....and he told me he still wanted to be my close friend...and he can't "like" me in that way.....

[searock]

The fact that he likes someone else doesn't imply that he doesn't like you.

You never really told him that you like him. That conversation is schizophrenic, it's just impossible to understand that you like him. If anything, *he* told you that he thinks you're pretty.

You never actually talked clearly, that's why I think it's better if you talk to him face-to-face. Or AT LEAST contact him on chat again, and tell him (precisely): "I'm sorry if I don't want to meet you, but the thing is I have feelings for you, I really like you and not just as a friend. So it would only hurt me to be "friends" with you if you don't feel anything back. I hope you understand." So if he feels the same way he'll tell you, and if he doesn't he'll understand the reason for which you don't want to talk to him again, and he won't try to contact you again or make it uncomfortable for you. It's a win-win.

[edpjrr]

The fact that he likes someone else doesn't imply that he doesn't like you.

You never really told him that you like him. That conversation is schizophrenic, it's just impossible to understand that you like him. If anything, *he* told you that he thinks you're pretty.

You never actually talked clearly, that's why I think it's better if you talk to him face-to-face. Or AT LEAST contact him on chat again, and tell him (precisely): "I'm sorry if I don't want to meet you, but the thing is I have feelings for you, I really like you and not just as a friend. So it would only hurt me to be "friends" with you if you don't feel anything back. I hope you understand." So if he feels the same way he'll tell you, and if he doesn't he'll understand the reason for which you don't want to talk to him again, and he won't try to contact you again or make it uncomfortable for you. It's a win-win.

Fair enough.A guy can like a lot of girls at the same time.As he told me ages ago,"Yes,a guy can have a lot of crushes.Guys are just sluts.haha"

Though I never really told him I like him,he could still guess I like him (but he's not 100% sure about this).
The fact that he told me he thinks I'm pretty doesn't necessarily mean he wants to go out with me or wants me to be his girlfriend. Well,I think guys can be attracted to a lot of pretty girls without falling in love with them or taking them seriously...Is this true? Please correct this if I'm wrong

Yes,we talked to each other face-to-face the other day but I still didn't tell him I like him cos our mutual friend was there as well....-_- I didn't want our mutual friend to know this. He asked me why I tried to end the friendship...I just made some lame excuses,then I apologized to him..ok,I know I'm pathetic...but I really couldn't tell him I have feelings for him in front of our mutual friend.More importantly,he told us he has already gone on a date with this Korean girl (the girl who he met in a club last week).He likes her and finds her attractive.They texted a lot over the past few days.He said he's going to ask her out when he next goes on a date with her......He clearly likes her.....so why should I tell him I like him?I don't want to make a fool of myself...

Every time I think of our facebook conversation,especially when he told me "I can't like you like that",I feel like I was rejected....

Sorry for moaning.....

[searock]

Though I never really told him I like him,he could still guess I like him (but he's not 100% sure about this).

He doesn't know that you like him.

The fact that he told me he thinks I'm pretty doesn't necessarily mean he wants to go out with me or wants me to be his girlfriend. Well,I think guys can be attracted to a lot of pretty girls without falling in love with them or taking them seriously...Is this true?

Of course - just like you can be attracted to a lot of cute guys without falling in love with every one of them :-). But the fact that he told you that he thinks you're pretty is a GOOD thing, it means that he IS attracted to you, so (unless he was lying for some reason) he would definitely like to go on a date with you.

Edpjjr, I think you should "man up" and take matters into your own hands. Before he goes on an actual date with this Korean girl, contact him on chat (if that's how you feel more comfortable) and tell him: "I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you this, I'm sure you've noticed I've been acting weird around you lately... the thing is, I have a bit of a crush on you, but I didn't have the courage to tell you up till now. If you feel the same way please let me know, I'd love to take you out on a date :-P... otherwise it's ok, I understand and there are absolutely no hard feelings, I'm a strong chick ;-)."

He'll appreciate your honesty and braveness, and you'll finally know FOR SURE whether he feels the same way or not.

For now, you have only communicated to him that you don't want to be friends with him anymore: no wonder he's planning dates with somebody else. You need to act NOW.