My girlfriend kissed another guy...

[toknow]

...to think about a different person sexually outside of your committed relationship. It's the actions that follow which are important, IMO.

Completely disagree. If you have the desire to cheat, then you've already done it. The only thing stopping you is the circumstances. Circumstances should have no impact on your loyalty. And if it's truly present they won't.

The guilt you are talking about is misplaced. They should feel guilty for not loving the person they are with. Because if they truly did, they would not have desire to be with someone else. In fact they would feel disgusted at the thought of touching or being touched by anyone else.

[Maple1714]

Completely disagree. If you have the desire to cheat, then you've already done it. The only thing stopping you is the circumstances. Circumstances should have no impact on your loyalty. And if it's truly present they won't.

Yeah, I guess I totally disagree with you lol. A desire to "cheat" is an entirely different matter. You are missing the point of what I am saying. I'm saying it's not "wrong" to have thoughts about other people, and if you have them you need to confront them and figure out why....before you become a liar. If you think it's not in human nature to think about other people outside of your relationship that's just crazy to me. A lot of people might condition their brains not to go there...but come on. I don't know...I don't think fantasizing about someone else = the desire to cheat. It's just curiosity.

[Maple1714]

They should feel guilty for not loving the person they are with. Because if they truly did, they would not have desire to be with someone else.

Why should anyone feel guilty for how they truly feel? If you don't love the person you are with there is no reason to sit around feeling bad about yourself or guilty....it's time to move on!

Again, you are missing the point I am trying to make. Life is about making yourself happy first...period. It's not selfish, it' snot about anyone else...it's about you. If you choose to be in a relationship with someone and then find yourself thinking about other people all the time, it's time to move on. But, you shouldn't sit around beating yourself up about the thoughts you have...recognize and take action before you lie.

AND

People that have been married for 30+ years probably fantasize and/or watch porn...that doesn't mean their love isn't real does it? Should they just go and get divorced/separated b/c the husband wondered what it would be like to F*** the 35yr old neighbor lady? Do you think watching porn is cheating?

[toknow]

...A desire to "cheat" is an entirely different matter....I don't think fantasizing about someone else = the desire to cheat. It's just curiosity.

Hmn....Really? Let me remind you this is what you said in your previous post:
"There really is nothing wrong at all in wanting to kiss someone else or F*** them."

So to want to "F***" someone is just curiosity to you now.

[Maple1714]

Hmn....Really? Let me remind you this is what you said in your previous post:
"There really is nothing wrong at all in wanting to kiss someone else or F*** them."

So to want to "F***" someone is just curiosity to you now.

Yes, it is absolutely about curiosity. So, you can act on it or not? Who knows? If someone really wants to stray then they need to leave their current relationship BEFORE YOU LIE to yourself or another person. It's def. not wrong to have thoughts about someone else and then in turn end your relationship.

And what do you mean by "just curiosity"...what do you think curiosity is?

Anyway, you aren't understanding what I am saying and I'm not going to debate over this with you. I hope you are never emotionally/physically cheated on or lied to. I am being serious...lying sucks.

[toknow]

Yes, it is absolutely about curiosity. So, you can act on it or not? Who knows? If someone really wants to stray then they need to leave their current relationship BEFORE YOU LIE to yourself or another person. It's def. not wrong to have thoughts about someone else and then in turn end your relationship.

And what do you mean by "just curiosity"...what do you think curiosity is?

Anyway, you aren't understanding what I am saying and I'm not going to debate over this with you. I hope you are never emotionally/physically cheated on or lied to. I am being serious...lying sucks.

I don't believe for a second what you are saying, that it's just curiosity, is actually true. But, even if it were the case it doesn't matter. The circumstances are not important, cheating is still cheating, the reason is irrelevant as it will never make it right.

[Maple1714]

I don't believe for a second what you are saying, that it's just curiosity, is actually true. But, even if it were the case it doesn't matter. The circumstances are not important, cheating is still cheating, the reason is irrelevant as it will never make it right.

OK, this doesn't make any sense in relating to the content of anything I posted. Again, TOTALLY not understanding what I am saying.

OP - Your GF is young, She isn't wrong in anything she thinks or feels. She just needs to be confident and mature enough to be honest with herself and you. She is probably curious about other dudes...and her curiosity did lead to a kiss b/c she wasn't honest with herself about her curiosity in the first place. She came clean about the cheating. It's up to you what YOU want to do.

[toknow]

OK, this doesn't make any sense in relating to the content of anything I posted. Again, TOTALLY not understanding what I am saying.

OP - Your GF is young, She isn't wrong in anything she thinks or feels. She just needs to be confident and mature enough to be honest with herself and you. She is probably curious about other dudes...and her curiosity did lead to a kiss b/c she wasn't honest with herself about her curiosity in the first place. She came clean about the cheating. It's up to you what YOU want to do.

I understand you quite well. You have a very loose definition of cheating.

[Maple1714]

I don't believe for a second what you are saying, that it's just curiosity, is actually true. But, even if it were the case it doesn't matter. The circumstances are not important, cheating is still cheating, the reason is irrelevant as it will never make it right.

I will agree that a strong desire or want (since that's how you are interrupting my use of the word "want") to have sex with a person outside of your relationship is not a positive thing if you are choosing to be in a monogamous relationship. ALL I am saying is that it isn't WRONG to think about other people. That's it and that's all. You're reading way far into it...or not far enough?

[Maple1714]

I understand you quite well. You have a very lose definition of cheating.

Crap, I fantasized about this dude I saw at the store the other day. I thought about having sex with him...I might have even wanted to do it. I should go straight home and tell my Boyfriend I have cheated.

[toknow]

Crap, I fantasized about this dude I saw at the store the other day. I thought about having sex with him...I might have even wanted to do it. I should go straight home and tell my Boyfriend I have cheated.

Yes.........

[Anonymously_]

Crap, I fantasized about this dude I saw at the store the other day. I thought about having sex with him...I might have even wanted to do it. I should go straight home and tell my Boyfriend I have cheated.

I'm saying it's not "wrong" to have thoughts about other people, and if you have them you need to confront them and figure out why....before you become a liar.

I hope you're taking your advice (I know you didn't mean that you ACTUALLY fantasised about some random dude at the store).

[michelle23]

How is any of thhis helping OP? Go start another thread if you want to debate this shite. Im sure OP doesnt give a shit if his gf fantasizes about taylor lautners abs occasionally. She can think what she bloody wants inside her own head AND he believes that she did nothing more than kiss this dude so we should be focusing on that.

OP i am a total b**ch when it comes to cheating. I am so dead set against it and truly believe it is unforgivable. I mean you dont slip on a banana skin and end up with your tongue down someones throat by accident.. It shouldnt have happened-it was wrong but it doesnt matter what i or anyone else thinks. This is your life and your relationship. If you think you can forgive her and move past this-then go ahead. Just make sure you get all your QS answered before making a decision and you and she do need to talk openly and honestly about this

just ask yourself is an 18month relationship worth it? If you were together 20 years and had 3kids-then i could understand your desire to forgive but this is still a relatively new relationship and id say your girl doesnt understand the difference between infatuation and love (which is a big red flag so perhaps you should discuss that too if your gonna stay together)

[toknow]

How is any of thhis helping OP? Go start another thread if you want to debate this shite. Im sure OP doesnt give a shit if his gf fantasizes about taylor lautners abs occasionally. She can think what she bloody wants inside her own head AND he believes that she did nothing more than kiss this dude so we should be focusing on that.

OP i am a total b**ch when it comes to cheating. I am so dead set against it and truly believe it is unforgivable. I mean you dont slip on a banana skin and end up with your tongue down someones throat by accident.. It shouldnt have happened-it was wrong but it doesnt matter what i or anyone else thinks. This is your life and your relationship. If you think you can forgive her and move past this-then go ahead. Just make sure you get all your QS answered before making a decision and you and she do need to talk openly and honestly about this

just ask yourself is an 18month relationship worth it? If you were together 20 years and had 3kids-then i could understand your desire to forgive but this is still a relatively new relationship and id say your girl doesnt understand the difference between infatuation and love (which is a big red flag so perhaps you should discuss that too if your gonna stay together)

Truth helps whether directly relating to OP's thread or not. Don't strain yourself trying to understand it.

[michelle23]

It is completely irrelevant what you two are debating. It has nothing to do with this thread.

The issue is not whether she thinks about others or not, the issue is she kissed another guy. I dont agree with maple that the fact shes young or the fact shes curious excuses what she did. It doesnt. And i dont agree with you that people go completely blind when they are in love. I personally dont fantasize about having sex with other people but a lot of people do. We cant control our thoughts all the time but we can control our actions and behaviour..

Agree, disagree-i dont care just stop flaming and derailing threads. OP came here for help and it wont help if you get his thread closed again with yohr need to argue like so many other threads