I dont like the way he treats me. Advice please.

[anonymous_a]

Because your an expert? I have researched alcoholism in detail. I have even attended AA meetings for relatives of alcoholics. Four people in my family are alcoholics. I know what I am talking about but I don't care what you think.

http://news.health.com/2013/04/19/6-subtle-signs-youve-got-a-drinking-problem/

None of this is even relevant. I have a family full of alcoholics AND addicts. My dad died of an overdose and my brother was alcoholic for years. I too, have gone to AA and al-anon meetings, yet I agree with horndog and the others, not you.

[VincenzoG91]

I don't think that the OP and this guy are necessarily alcoholics, but the worst things are happening in their relationship are happening while they are drunk. And yet they keep drinking. Why?

[anonymous_a]

I don't think that the OP and this guy are necessarily alcoholics, but the worst things are happening in their relationship are happening while they are drunk. And yet they keep drinking. Why?

"Why" he continues to drink would really be the clue as to whether or not he is actually an alcoholic. Is he drinking to escape? To get away from his problems? If yes, then he is an abuser, therefore an alcoholic. Does he just drink to have some fun, but then turns into someone completely different? Again, not necessarily alcoholism.

[Wakeup]

"Why" he continues to drink would really be the clue as to whether or not he is actually an alcoholic. Is he drinking to escape? To get away from his problems? If yes, then he is an abuser, therefore an alcoholic. Does he just drink to have some fun, but then turns into someone completely different? Again, not necessarily alcoholism.

"Why" is neither here nor there. He abuses a drug (alcohol) and he does it regularily. If he's addicted to it then he's an alcoholic. If he doesn't see tha this addiction is adversly effecting his life, then he is an alcoholic, if he cannot stop his drug of choice (alchohol), then he is an alcoholic. How he acts while doing it does not matter nor is it a indication that he is one. (although it could but it's not proof) It is simply the way he reacts to his drug of choice.

Signs and symptoms of alcoholism (alcohol dependence)
Alcoholism is the most severe form of problem drinking. Alcoholism involves all the symptoms of alcohol abuse, but it also involves another element: physical dependence on alcohol. If you rely on alcohol to function or feel physically compelled to drink, you’re an alcoholic.

Tolerance: The 1st major warning sign of alcoholism
Do you have to drink a lot more than you used to in order to get buzzed or to feel relaxed? Can you drink more than other people without getting drunk? These are signs of tolerance, which can be an early warning sign of alcoholism. Tolerance means that, over time, you need more and more alcohol to feel the same effects.

Withdrawal: The 2nd major warning sign of alcoholism
Do you need a drink to steady the shakes in the morning? Drinking to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms is a sign of alcoholism and a huge red flag. When you drink heavily, your body gets used to the alcohol and experiences withdrawal symptoms if it’s taken away. These include:

Anxiety or jumpiness
Shakiness or trembling
Sweating
Nausea and vomiting
Insomnia
Depression
Irritability
Fatigue
Loss of appetite
Headache


In severe cases, withdrawal from alcohol can also involve hallucinations, confusion, seizures, fever, and agitation. These symptoms can be dangerous, so talk to your doctor if you are a heavy drinker and want to quit.

Other signs and symptoms of alcoholism (alcohol dependence)
You’ve lost control over your drinking. You often drink more alcohol than you wanted to, for longer than you intended, or despite telling yourself you wouldn’t.
You want to quit drinking, but you can’t. You have a persistent desire to cut down or stop your alcohol use, but your efforts to quit have been unsuccessful.
You have given up other activities because of alcohol. You’re spending less time on activities that used to be important to you (hanging out with family and friends, going to the gym, pursuing your hobbies) because of your alcohol use.
Alcohol takes up a great deal of your energy and focus. You spend a lot of time drinking, thinking about it, or recovering from its effects. You have few if any interests or social involvements that don’t revolve around drinking.
You drink even though you know it’s causing problems. For example, you recognize that your alcohol use is damaging your marriage, making your depression worse, or causing health problems, but you continue to drink anyway.
Drinking problems and denial
Are You Almost Alcoholic? by Harvard Health Publications
Denial is one of the biggest obstacles to getting help for alcohol abuse and alcoholism.

I have researched alcoholism in detail.

It would be more helpful and less antagonistic if you stop putting your own spin on the research you've discovered. No offence; just sayin. How one reacts to the drug of their choice is not an indication of alcoholism. It is just how they react to its affects. I suppose if one keeps drinking to the point that the alcohol renders them an abusive twat, then yes ~ they more then likely are on their way to being, or already are in trouble.

[anonymous_a]

"Why" is neither here nor there. He abuses a drug (alcohol) and he does it regularily. If he's addicted to it then he's an alcoholic. If he doesn't see tha this addiction is adversly effecting his life, then he is an alcoholic, if he cannot stop his drug of choice (alchohol), then he is an alcoholic. How he acts while doing it does not matter nor is it a indication that he is one. (although it could but it's not proof) It is simply the way he reacts to his drug of choice.

That's just it though, we have no idea if he abuses it OR if he's addicted to it. She hasn't really specified how often he drinks. I agree, not being able to quit indicates alcoholism, but we don't know if that's the case. We really don't know enough to know if he's an alcoholic or not. I stand by my opinion. Why people drink, definitely has an indication as to whether or not they are actually abusing it. I like to drink, I work in a bar, I drink every weekend, but I don't get hammered. I don't change at all, really. And I don't drink for any specific reason, other than to loosen up, and I happen to enjoy the taste. He could be doing the same, but just happens to change completely when he does it. Not realizing this, may point to alcoholism, but again, we can't really know.

[Wakeup]

She has clearly stated that he is an asshole. She says he is only an asshole when he drinks. He's often an asshole which ties into his frequency and how it adversily is effecting his life. We don't have proof. Proof would be knowing him personally or him actually admitting it but going on what we do know, I'd bet he's one. At the very least, he's abusing it, it's not something you could call a "social drinker" that's for bloody sure.

You can stand by your opinion. I'm just countering it and giving links as to why I don't agree with it is all.

I like to drink, I work in a bar, I drink every weekend, but I don't get hammered. I don't change at all, really. And I don't drink for any specific reason, other than to loosen up, and I happen to enjoy the taste. He could be doing the same, but just happens to change completely when he does it. Not realizing this, may point to alcoholism, but again, we can't really know.

That's where you and he are different. Why take what I say about him and apply it to your own drinking habits when what you do is nothing like what he's been described as doing?

[anonymous_a]

She has clearly stated that he is an asshole. She says he is only an asshole when he drinks. He's often an asshole which ties into his frequency and how it adversily is effecting his life. We don't have proof. Proof would be knowing him personally or him actually admitting it but going on what we do know, I'd bet he's one. At the very least, he's abusing it, it's not something you could call a "social drinker" that's for bloody sure.

You can stand by your opinion. I'm just countering it and giving links as to why I don't agree with it is all.

Fair enough.

That's where you and he are different. Why take what I say about him and apply it to your own drinking habits when what you do is nothing like what he's been described as doing?

Good question, lol.

[IndiReloaded]

Anybody else, especially the last few posters, I wish I could spit in your face.

LOL. So typical. Truth that is hard to hear doesn't make it less truthful.

Why don't you spit in *his* face the next time he treats you like dirt? You will get riled up over internet posts but not stand up for yourself when someone does you actual harm?

Keeping working on that single-digit IQ, Kandi. And your self-respect. Good luck.

[michelle23]

Jesus f christ. Why am I the bad guy here? I have been told by AA experts as well as articles I have read on the internet that a dramatic change in personality is an early warning sign of alcoholism. How is that putting my own spin on it and why the f has this gone on for 2 pages? Its like I cant express an opinion at all! F**king people on this forum SMH

[Starnique]

"Why" is neither here nor there. He abuses a drug (alcohol) and he does it regularily. If he's addicted to it then he's an alcoholic. If he doesn't see tha this addiction is adversly effecting his life, then he is an alcoholic, if he cannot stop his drug of choice (alchohol), then he is an alcoholic. How he acts while doing it does not matter nor is it a indication that he is one. (although it could but it's not proof) It is simply the way he reacts to his drug of choice.



It would be more helpful and less antagonistic if you stop putting your own spin on the research you've discovered. No offence; just sayin. How one reacts to the drug of their choice is not an indication of alcoholism. It is just how they react to its affects. I suppose if one keeps drinking to the point that the alcohol renders them an abusive twat, then yes ~ they more then likely are on their way to being, or already are in trouble.

Lol. No offense to anyone but it may not be a bad idea for certain people to enroll in higher education as oppose to online research regarding certain topics. When I was in college, my major was psychology and it is very detailed. You can't just diagnose someone for being a narcissist without the proper research. It's very extreme and extensive. Just an example. Sometimes going online and reading can be misinterpreted and you need an actual teacher or psychologist, which my professor was to break certain things down for you. It needs to be properly explained so you can have a better understanding. I'm just saying, misinterpretation can fail a person terribly.

Anyway, OP. I went thru a lot of things with my ex and I understand that love can make a girl go crazy. People that haven't been thru it, don't understand so don't expect for people to get it. Just like this, an abused woman will get it more from a person that's been there. How can you teach a life experience, when you haven't had it? Of course, you don't understand. You control what happens in certain aspects of your life so you need to make the decision, either you or him. Who do you love more? If he can't stop treating you that way then he don't need to drink and neither do you. You really need to focus on yourself and do soul searching so you can get past your past. You'll end up bitter and mad at the wrong people. I've been there. Seriously.

[Lord Darkshire]

Ok you guys you have derailed this thread enough I'm closing it.


Sorry Kandi. If you want to update or continue for more advice start a new thread.