Need some serious female advice

[searock]

Wakeup, do you realize how irrational you are being? You'd rather call me a liar and/or assure me that I was actually attracted to him from the start *without me knowing it*, rather than accept that the theory is flawed (at best). It's really absurd.

[Wakeup]

Wakeup, do you realize how irrational you are being? You'd rather call me a liar and/or assure me that I was actually attracted to him from the start *without me knowing it*, rather than accept that the theory is flawed (at best). It's really absurd.

I'm not being "irrational" at all, I'm being consistant. I'm not calling you a liar, I'm just telling you that you were attracted to him in some way and that's why he was never friend zoned. I accept that the theory may be flawed, but certainly not at best because I've seen it happen over and over again.

My views on friend zoning are no more absurd then you totally disregarding it.

Shall we just stop this now and agree to disagree? (I wanted to do that posts and posts ago).

[searock]

Nope... it's just not what happened. I didn't even know that he had a girlfriend at first. I liked him as a person, sure, but I was not sexually/romantically attracted to him.

It has happened to me several times in my life actually: I meet someone whom I don't find attractive at all (so there goes the "first 5 seconds" silly rule) and whom I later on begin to be attracted to, even after months or years. As I said, I'm sure I'm not unique in this and the fact is, attraction is not that simple. There are no black-and-white "zones" and "ladders".

It's ok to disagree :-).

Wakeup, I'm telling you, there was no attraction of any kind on any level - I just liked him a lot as a person and friend. It also happened with other people in the past, so it wasn't just that one time. It's ok if you don't believe me.

With this guy (and others before/after him), there was no attraction whatsoever. It's easier to accept that a theory is wrong, than to try and make everything fit into it even when it blatantly doesn't.

What I mean to say is that I felt no attraction towards him. I liked him as a person, NOT as a potential sexual/romantic/life partner. There was no attraction of the kind "between a man and a woman", on any level. He was under every possible aspect "just a friend" (or as you would say, I "put him on the friends ladder"). It fits your theory to believe that there was actually attraction, but as I said, it's much simpler to let go of a theory that doesn't work, than to try and make everything fit into that theory even when it doesn't.

I know that attraction can develop over time, rather than having to be there from the start or not ever being there at all. I know that when I meet a new guy, I don't immediately categorize them as "just friends, never anything more" or "potential sexual partner". I know that a guy that I find attractive now, I may not find attractive later on, and vice versa I know that a guy I do not find attractive now, I may find attractive later on. Why would I need to accept a theory that does not resonate with facts?

I DID put him (and others) in the "friendzone" (according to your terminology), and then with time I actually started to find them attractive. It's frustrating that you'd rather not trust my word and first-hand recollections than to admit that the theory is, at best, flawed.

I just met him, liked him as a person, was not attracted to him, period. THEN feelings started to evolve and I eventually became attracted to him - after months! Again, he is NOT the only guy this has happened with. Again, I am not unique in this.

I did, if by "putting in the friend zone" you mean only seeing him as a friend and not being attracted to him in any way.

I'm not calling you a liar, I'm just telling you that you were attracted to him in some way

Wow. Just wow.

Yes, let's agree to disagree.

[KingZ]

Eh, I dunno. Personally, I find this thread to be very relaxing.

It'd be nice if Wakeup would address my hypothetical scenarios, though. She already has your scenario figured out with the "you were always subconsciously attracted to him, you just didn't know it" part, which is obvious. Let her move on to more challenging problems.

[searock]

KingZ, you don't believe that obvious part, right?

[KingZ]

Your subconscious mind already recognized that he was going to be your future boyfriend, but you needed to emotionally grow before you jumped into that relationship. To prevent a potential disaster, your subconscious mind tricked your conscious mind into believing he was in the friend zone, even though he totally wasn't (because that would be impossible, as previously mentioned). When you got to the point where you were ready for the relationship, your subconscious clued your conscious into the fact that you've been attracted to him this entire time, allowing the healthy relationship to blossom.

Obviously.

[searock]

Hah, you got me for a moment

[Wakeup]

Wow. Just wow.

Yes, let's agree to disagree.

It doesn't matter how many times you contend that you were not attracted to him in any way, you were attracted to him in some way or you would never have even considered him as your "friend." People who don't like others in some capacity usually don't gravitate to one another, they don't hang together, there is no want to be in their company and therefore a "friendship" never even forms. Your problem is you have a very limited understanding of the word "attraction." (as least in the argument) You've repeatedly used it in only a romantic sense when there is much more to attraction then looks and romance... afterall having attraction in something about someone is how all relationships of all dynamics are formed. Even business relationships.

Some people are attracted to intelligence for instance which of course has nothing to do with looks. (as an e.g.)Adding: Others to a good sense of humour, some to their strength of character. If you had zero attraction for him, then what drew you in to want him as a friend?

[KingZ]

Your problem is you have a very limited understanding of the word "attraction." (as least in the argument) You've repeatedly used it in only a romantic sense when there is much more to attraction then looks and romance... afterall having attraction in something about someone is how all relationships of all dynamics are formed. Even business relationships.

By that definition, then, the "friend zone" also includes people you're attracted to. Otherwise, they wouldn't even be in the friend zone.

[Wakeup]

By that definition, then, the "friend zone" also includes people you're attracted to. Otherwise, they wouldn't even be in the friend zone.

Wrong: If Sea thinks that^^ then that is why she's such a skeptic. Simply put... being friends and being friend zoned are two completely different things.
The former can be transitioned from "friend" to lover. The latter never will be.

[KingZ]

Hahaha. Yeah, searock. Friend and friend zone are totally different concepts. Like, duh, obviously.

The morals of a European and the intellect of a sea rock, that woman...

[Wakeup]

Oh brotherl! You've grabbed my attention long enough. *waves*

[searock]

If you had zero attraction for him, then what drew you in to want him as a friend?

Then I'm attracted to all my friends.

[KingZ]

Then I'm attracted to all my friends.

Eww. searock is a whore.

I believe this thread is going in circles.

[Wakeup]

Then I'm attracted to all my friends.

Yes (in some capacity) and that didn't answer my question about what attracted your bf to you as a friend in the first place. (who you didn't friend zone)

I believe this thread is going in circles.

has been for about three pages now. lol