Fiance and His Mother

[CocoChanel]

Kill her with kindness... You did well, seems like a nice guy. Have a glass or 3 of wine when you get there.

LOL I am going to practice!!! Haha. I just told him that he has to throw insults at me like his Mom would so I can practice and he started cracking up! He is though. The last year of our relationship has been a rough one. We started counseling together before we had broke up back in August. Good thing he continued even after I stopped. It helps him a lot and he learned to deal with things a lot better. It seems like when his father died he just got angrier. He had always been hot headed lol but damn!!

[Indignant]

You are really going to show up to a dinner that you weren't invited to?

I wouldn't. Your boyfriend should tell them before you go.

actually i agree with Vashti on this one. Coco, since Vashti has a son why don't we ask her how she would feel and what her reaction would be before doing anything drastic?

[CocoChanel]

Yeah I am going to show up. I was nervous about that too but he said it's not even at her house. If it was at her house I would think differently but it's not. It's at his Aunt's house who never said I couldn't come. His mother just didn't want me there.

[vashti]

It is the height of bad manners to show up where you aren't invited, especially when you know you aren't welcome (assuming that is the case). Unless you live for these dramatic moments, I wouldn't do it. Doing so will only reinforce to his mother that you are a low class girl with bad manners and the tension you will create will ruin the holiday for the rest of the family.

Tell your boyfriend to act like an adult, and call his family. They should know in advance who is coming for dinner.

[CocoChanel]

It is the height of bad manners to show up where you aren't invited, especially when you know you aren't welcome (assuming that is the case). Unless you live for these dramatic moments, I wouldn't do it. Doing so will only reinforce to his mother that you are a low class girl with bad manners.

Tell your boyfriend to act like an adult, and call his family. They should know in advance who is coming for dinner.

Okay I'll tell him now. Good call. LOL! I didn't think of it that way.

[Cbrider]

His mother is just a super protective bitch about her son.

You don't play the part of a Tomboy at ALL.

Face it, if you decide to stick with this guy, you will be locking horns with his mother until the day she dies. She's not going to accept you, but its not your fault or problem really. Yes, in laws will be part of the picture, but you will live with him not her.

His mother just needs to get laid and find a man to infatuate herself with so she gets off your case imo.

[qwertz]

his mother is just a super protective bitch about her son.

You don't play the part of a tomboy at all.

Face it, if you decide to stick with this guy, you will be locking horns with his mother until the day she dies. She's not going to accept you, but its not your fault or problem really. Yes, in laws will be part of the picture, but you will live with him not her.

his mother just needs to get laid and find a man to infatuate herself with so she gets off your case imo.

lol! .

[CocoChanel]

LOL I took Vashti's advice and told him to call and let them know. He was against it and said, If it were up to my mother you would never be around. I don't have to tell her anything it's not her home or her dinner. So I said at least call your Aunt then. He called her and let her know that I would be joining and she said well she was never NOT invited but I know how your mom is and she laughed and said well I will see you guys soon.

I didn't expect for his Aunt to turn me away because no one else really has a problem with me. But his mom called not too long ago and said...I am about to leave the house I'm on my way to get you ok! And he said oh thats okay mom we are going to drive ourselves. She said excuse me.. and he said yeah me and my fiancee we will meet you there ok? Drive safely I love you. and he hung up. So i guess we are off to dinner in a few. I'm still nervous though. I know she is heated and ready to attack.

Unreal she was going to pick him up!! She would have to drive from VA to DC then drive all the way back to VA. His Aunt lives an hour from DC and only 30 minutes from his Mom.

[girl68]

Say "HI, HAPPY THANKSGIVING" with a ginoroums smile. Tell her to f**k off in your head while continuing to smile!

[CocoChanel]

Well we are home and I had a great time I really did!! His Mom threw so many darts at me it wasn't even funny!! But I held it. I just continued to smile and not let it show that I was bothered the least bit. But when Anako and I were saying goodbye to everyone... we were headed to my families house next... his Mom made a racial comment about my family & heritage AGAIN... he stood up for me this time. He literally said Mom that's enough ok? I was nervous after he did that and so was he LOL! But his Aunt broke the silence and gave us a hug and kiss goodnight. We went to my families Pow Wow afterwards and had a blast!!! The whole car ride home he was proud of himself for standing up to his Mother. Even his cousin called him on the way home saying, "My mom told your mom that she shouldn't have been so rude to your fiancee". I hope his Mother's feelings weren't hurt... but it's not like he disrespected her or anything.

But... Tomorrow I hope everything runs smooth. The Italian side of family whom I absolutely adore... is coming over for breakfast brunch I'm hosting. I invited his Mother last week so hopefully she still comes. His Father's side of the family don't get along with her at all. I sensed the tension tonight at dinner when she was hurling insults left and right. When both side of the family get together... someone usually argues. That didn't happen tonight so I hope all is well tomorrow.

[chump4u]

I had my good-luck fingers crossed for you all day. It worked! I'm awesome!

Guess I can uncross them now that your day has gone so well. Good thing, too-- my hands were beginning to cramp.

It sounds like you're well on your way out of your mother-in-law-to-be problem. You've learned how to let her nastiness roll off you, your guy is learning that it won't kill his mother when he stands up for you, and she-who-must-not-be-named probably realizes, finally, that she's gone too far, when even her son and her sister (?) tell her she's out of line.

You had a pretty good Thanksgiving, hmmmm?

[CocoChanel]

Yes I sure did!! Thanks a lot Chump!! because I almost didn't get out of the car I was nervous LOL! Yeah her sister said something to her because she was going hard with the cracks. No one said a word or even laughed... they just kept changing the subject. Anako was heated though and kept winking at me. It made me feel good

It wasn't so hard afterall. Now I just have to keep it up and not be so sensitive.

[IndiReloaded]

Coco, I have this book in my library. I remember it having good tips and easy to read:

[url]http://search.barnesandnoble.com/How-To-Stop-Your-Relatives-From-Driving-You-Crazy/Denise-Lang/e/9780671789114[/url]

[CocoChanel]

Today went well too!! I was super nice to her even though she was being rude. LOL! She didn't want to eat the breakfast I cooked for everyone so she just sat by herself. But I went over and sat with her and talked to her. She didn't talk much but I still sat with her.

When his Aunt from his Father's side of the family presented Anako with this hugeeeeeeeee box full of stuff his Father had left for him... it was really touching. We all shed a tear. Anako couldn't open it right away he wanted to do it alone... his Mom got offended by that for some reason and started bitching at him. He got so mad that he walked off. I got him to calm down and he came back out and we continued on with our morning. We played Wii!! His Mom didn't participate at all. She had a look on her face like... "Ew look at these animals!" She left while we in the middle of playing Wii. :/

We had fun though!!

[Sonrisa]

ughm, i think it's kind of rude to play Wii while his mom is there and besides that, it's a huge step back for you by showing her that you are still a little girl and not a young lady.

now, that was not meant to be judgemental at all, since i myself love to play Wii. but your situation is pretty different and requires a special approach.