Longing to be loved

[pcmaster]

[MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] how are you buddy? You should start dating too.

So its been second date yesterday. 5 hour date. 2 hours in a best sushi restaurant in town - talked a lot and stuffed ourselves. Really talking seems not to be a problem anymore since we both are more talkative now.

Then drinkinf tea at her place. She have a huge apartment. We really was there like 15 minutes but I get well along with her cats and later made a move on her. Really just kissed for a short while but at least I didnt failed to use tea drinking time for more than tea srinking. I mean we are both alone in her place and do she really expected just sitting and talking? I doubt it was the intention of inviting me over. When we chatted she said shes not the first to make a move. So I knew I have to man up and make a move. Thankfully I logged quite a few hours of experience in making out so it was possible. Just wish we had few more hours, I would have done so muxh more.

Next we went to meet her friends at festival. It was her best friend and her BF. At first it sucked cause she was talking nonstop to her friend. It seemed like her BF are used to that cause he kept distance. Anyway it got better when we holded hands. It was freezing cold but we squuezed eachothers naked fingers to keep them warm. Her friend took some nice pictures of us both. And we made some selfies together. Cool it was.

Jeez what really makes me crazy that she wanted me to stay overnight at her place in middle of the week and then when I kissed her saturday she just said lets take it slowly - after 20 seconds of kissing. Really wanted to kiss and make out for few hours but this hot and cold attitude really makes me crazy. Of course I might have turned her off after I said that I dont want to have sex for the first 3-4 times while in bed. Also I said thats its enought for me to meet once a week. Then after this she said she dont know anymore what she want. (She had 2 days off in the middle of the week.)

[richiro]

ok. so the truth is.. SHE is not hot and cold. She's been steady. What's going on here is you are very HOT to her "medium" and thus you are pushing for more (feels hot) and she is always wanting to slow down (feels cold) - but she has been steady.
anyway.. i understand how crazy this can make us.. but please understand that dating for a female is much different for than for us men.

she doesn't know if you are capable of raping her
if all you want is sex and one you get it you'll leave her
if you will get selfish and get her pregnant (b/c yo will refuse to wear a condom or won't pull out in time if you don't use it)
if you have an std
and if you do refuse and she gets pregnant - you can walk away while she can't.

its a LOT for a female to deal with in the dating world. So realize that if you're the one that can get overpowered and raped, hurt, killed, or pregnant and have to deal with the pregnancy -this is why women are always going to want to go slower and be sure what and who you are and what our motivations are.

if you can acknowledge and empathize with this with her - all is going to be fine. Girls just don't invite you up to their room and allow kissing to happen - UNLESS they really like you and want you.. They don't introduce you to their best friend UNLESS they are serious about you and want her best friend to meet you and let her know what she thinks. Etc...

Why is she "not sure" suddenly? It could be that you have been pushing too much or giveng her the idea that you're more interested in sex than in her - or her best friend could have observed this about you and so they are now in doubt about your motivations.. (and based on what you wrote - yeah.. she isn't off-base. you are obsessed with having sex with her... so be truthful - is it sex you want? or is it the girl you want?)

Again.. if you can acknowledge and emphasize with her why she wants to slow down and why you pushing it so much is scaring her - that can turn things around and repair the damage and make her more willing and comfy with the idea IF YOU can stop pushing her so hard for sex.

good luck.

- - - Updated - - -

oh btw.. here is a good rule of thumb that i use now.
if its our idea - they will tend to resist b/c they are worried about all the things i said above.
if its THEIR idea - then you will get everything you want.

so how do you do this? the truth is no matter how much a girl wants to believe and make everybody believe they don't initiate - if they truly want you they will initiate. you just have to get them there and make it "their idea". how do o undo this?

quick ex. let's say you really want her to take her top off and play with her breasts, touch them, kiss them.. whatever. yo make that clear to her that your'e ready for that whenever she is ready - by touching or caressing the area around it and to the edge and maybe even very slightly onto her breast- but never truly ever going beyond near it or the edge. now.. if she allows you that close to her bresast without resisting you - you know she wants you to get there. so you just keep teasing it right to the edge and maybe just slightly beyond the edge of her breast.. but the never go beyond that. AT SOME POINT.. she won't be able to handle it anymore and actually put your hands or your lips on her breast herself! she'll even remove the bra for you at that point!

so.. thats when it was "her idea" and the floodgates open.

compare that to if you keep trying to push your hands or whatever into it and are constantly trying to remove her bra - she's going to resist. b/c that's YOUR idea.

so that's the trick.. good luck!

[pcmaster]

Thanks for reply Richiro. I really learned and understood a lot from it.
You are right. If I count in first date then shes really being steady. Prevous girl was much faster or liked me more. She always pushed and made moves.

To be honest I first messaged her on tinder only because of her big breasts. I found nothing else interesting in her. And I told her that. Anyway now that time have passed I started to see so much more in her. Her confidence. Her intelect, beauty. Social health, forgivness. Love for life. Knitting skills and whats amazing about her is that she dont drinks and dont smokes. The more I look the more I find. Just when I think she have a lot - she have more.
I messaged her and asked what shes doing. And things she does makes me feel better. Cause she does something that matters.

I been thinking that girl will let guy do a lot with her if theres love, guy have feelings for girl or at least she beliefes he have. Anyway that might be for virgin girls
For experienced girls love comes after sex.

[TheEvilJester]

I am actually doing rather well, thank you for asking. That's more so because I have accepted my fate, though. I've found happiness in me, rather than wishing to find it through love. As much as I always wanted it, love just doesn't seem meant for me. Maybe some day fate will see fit to prove me wrong, but until then I will learn to be happy with just me. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I expect love should just fall into my lap. I'm just saying, I didn't really treat ME well for basically my whole life. So, I think it is much better right now for me to appreciate me.

But, I'm happy to hear things have gone well for you with the new gal at least so far. Enjoy it for what it is. I always think it is good to just kind of go with the flow. Enjoy it and let the relationship take form. Maybe it will turn out to be THE ONE, or maybe it will just be fun for a little while, and then be time to move on and find somebody else. Time will tell. For now, if you enjoy each other's company, then that is great. Good luck to you.

[pcmaster]

Thanks Jester. I think theres never perfect time and You just have to try despite everything. You can always find excuse or something that You wish were diferend. But in the end we are not read for many things in life and still succseed in them. Thats how we grow. Sometimes life gives us tests and its like with real love - it exists and comes regardless you are ready or not.

So this girl been telling me that she likes sex. And today she said she dont want to do much because thats the worst - get turned on and not having sex.
I said that I want everything till sex, but ahe said just kissing and carresing. She knows I dont want sex so shes holding back to not to get excited.
Anyway Im worried cause she wants sex and how long she will have patience with me. And if we have sex Im not sure I can keep it up regulary since it could be too hard regarding my health right now. Seems like sex is part of any serious relationship.

[TheEvilJester]

Sex IS part of any serious relationship, or at least it should be. But, that doesn't mean you HAVE to do it before you are ready. Hell, if you even want to wait for marriage, that is okay for you and you should be with a partner who would be willing to wait as well.

You two haven't been together long, so I don't think there is anything wrong with you not being ready for sex. As I often say, it is just a matter of whether you two can agree to some sort of timeline that keeps you both happy. If not, then you are probably not the right match. Though, remind us how long you two have been together... because I feel like you mentioned you just recently started going out with this girl, so if she's ALREADY talking about sex and you feel like you don't want that until you feel the relationship is more serious.... then I'd sort of be pondering, if I were you, if maybe this is still not the right person. It would be one thing if you'd been together for a year and hadn't had sex. Then I could understand that not working for her. But, not if you've only really gone on a few dates.

[pcmaster]

Thanks for support Jester. Really its been only 2 dates so far. 2 and 5 hour dates. So I shouldnt worry. Just with previous girl - she was the first girl I had a second date. We were in her bed making out already in a second date. So Im used that things move fast.

But now with this girl - we been messaging on and off since end of december and about everyday for last month, and last two weeks talking on the phone almost everyday.

Anyway she wants to go to movies this weekend. Already second time she mentioned that we meet once a week. Seems like she wants to meet more often cause she wanted me to stay overnight on the middle of previous week. However she works 4 days a week while I work 5 days a week. Besides her job is mental cause she works with eleven 2 year old kids. Sex for her is a way of relaxation. While I see more like a chore since I work manual labor.

[Hooo!]

You don't wanna date and don't wanna fck bitches
You don't want akward experiences
You just want a girlfriend

Well I don't wanna be a businessman and I don't wanna work hard
But I really absolutely need a million quid and a Ferrari

You want to be with a girl? Start getting to know some first

Online date whatever
You wanna fight? Do it - there is no one stopping w

[pcmaster]

Shut up Hoo.

[Hooo!]

i seem to have touched a nerv there

[pcmaster]

So I been chatting with girl today and after chat I feel like I been rolling in a pile of shit.

Basicaly what she said is that she never been longer without a sex for 1-2 months but it was long ago. And here we are chatting already 2 months. So she said she have few FWB. And that makes sense cause someone send her flowers on valentine day despite that shes been dating only me. Anyway this FWB thing have hit me hard. Was expecting that she is patient and will wait for sex with me. But now I dont know if I want to meet or touch her again. She seemed like a nice girl but now I see her as a monster who can fck withoout feelings.
Basicaly what I understood from her is that after 8 years of marriage she couldnt jump in new relationship and lacked intimacy.
Okay I can understand that but I never was for FWB and dont support such thing. I could understand that if FWB happened long time ago. But if it happened recently and she still have FWB friend and hes sending her flowers while at the same time we are dating. That a huge turnoff for me. Really just not sure if I can move on from this.

Now thinking that I should just find a christian girl who are willing to wait for sex till marriage.

What you think about whole situation guys? [MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] [MENTION=69583]richiro[/MENTION] [MENTION=85121]Hooo![/MENTION] Help me think ! I want to see clearer till sunday.

[TheEvilJester]

Believe me, I definitely understand how you feel. I have never really been a fan of that "friends with benefits" kind of idea either. I also similarly don't think I would want to be with the kind of person who would engage in such a relationship. I don't mean any judgment to them. If it works for them, that is fine for them. I just wouldn't want to be with somebody who considers sex SO important that they'd feel the need to engage in such a relationship rather than risk going without. I'd find it unlikely we'd mesh well sexually in that case.

So, I definitely understand how you feel... but you do need to remember that there really isn't anything wrong with her having friends with benefits. I mean, if you two were boyfriend and girlfriend, that's a different story. But, for now you've only gone on two dates. I wouldn't say you should necessarily expect that she'd end those relationships yet at this point. Frankly, after only two dates you shouldn't necessarily even expect you two are exclusive.

You and I may not agree with it, but we have to remember that if it is between two consenting adults, then there really is nothing wrong with it. Maybe it is not what we would personally like, but that doesn't mean it is wrong. Doesn't mean we are wrong either, it just means that we are different from people who would have no problem with an FWB relationship.

Of course, that all does NOT mean that you'd be wrong to stop pursuing a relationship with her if that doesn't work for you. If that is a deal breaker for you, you have every right to feel that way. I'm just saying, you shouldn't necessarily hold it against her or treat her as though she's done anything wrong. This is just a case of you two being two different people. She's done nothing wrong, but then neither have you. So, if you feel like you'd rather not be with somebody who treats sex that casually, then you are perfectly fine to decide that. On the other hand, if you think you can live with it, then I'd say good luck and don't worry about it at all.

Good luck to you either way. I know that is basically like my catch phrase around here. LOL! But, I sincerely do mean it.

[Hooo!]

You put sex on a pedestal.
It is too important to you.

There is a big difference between a penis and a heart.

I read disgust and anger in between the lines. Fear of touch and jealousy.
That means insecurity. And that's not a bad thing. It will come in time.

Sex is a natural thing and you sure do not have an exclusive right to a woman's vagina if you haven't even slept with her yet (by the way: afterwards you also don't)
Everyone needs a little intimacy now and then. why should you resent anyone for it if they share some with their friends?

[pcmaster]

Thanks for reply guys. But think you are too forgiving about FWB. [MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] You think the same way about FWB as I feel. Major turnoff.
[MENTION=85121]Hooo![/MENTION] You are pretty spot on about fear of touch and insecurity. Really I often removed previous girls hand from me but I could and did touch her everywhere and felt okay with it.

Anyway feels like these days that key to girls heart is penis. Seems like they expect sex before they can develop feelings.

However I was sleeping in bath when girl called me(had phone near me) I picked up and after asking what Im doing she said I could drown like that. I said I dont care I often do that. Had a long conversation and she said that FWB thing was long ago before dating me. Anyway she said that I dont care about other people and wont change because Im 28. Again she said that she dont want to be the one to guide me cause her ex husband was a virgin and once in life is enough for her. She said that she dont want anything with me because I didnt had anything. Never been in longterm relationship and such. Said something that quality is important to her when it comes to sex. Also we both had a day off today and she blamed me that I didnt mention meeting, that I could have went to visit her, but instead waited till sunday cause meeting once a week is enough for me. I mentioned that I want her to be my GF and she said when it comes to that shes 100% in it and expect the same from partner.

Funny that when after I mentioned that maybe we shouldnt go to movies sunday, she said that we should go.

Will try to kiss her propery this time, in train or on movie. Cause last time I didnt felt anything in 20 seconds of kissing while she said she felt.
Think we been talking too much and doing too little. Will try to fix that.

[pcmaster]

So she didnt wanted to go to movies today. But wanted go for a walk. I didnt wanted it. Then we kinda agreed to rrstaurant but her washing machine started to leak. Afterwards she said she dont want to eat. I offered to visit her. She said she can give me tea. But I wanted more - wanted her, kiss her and more. She said she didnt slept well. So I said - you didnt slept well, I want to sleep so lets sleep together. She didnt wanted it. I said I dont have mood to baby sit her so if she knows something for sure then text me. She called me and we talked about nothing.
Then I slept during day in my place and she slept at hers. And when night came she wanted me to stay night at her place. Now this is when I have to wake up at 6 o clock tomortow for work and had 4 days off when I could stay night at her place.

Anyway despite being a princess this is not what pisses me off the most. What I do really dislike is that her 'friend' called her at 1 am but she was slerping. Then he called at 5am in the moorning and they talked till 7am. Thats why she didnt slept welk and was moody so I couldnt get her to do anything together. Im suspucious and it would make sense if this pussy guy who cant live without her is the same FWB friend, a guy who she knows from kindergarden and a guy who send her flowrers on valentines day and lives 30 miles from her. Just sucks to share chick with guy who dont know what he want.Anyway this is huge turnoff for me. Girl is not clean.