Should I give up???

[Yggdrasil]

C'mon, I was just trying to be funny.

Today, we went golfing and I golfed in the 80's. The last time I golfed in the 80's was 2 years ago, so I was pretty excited about it. My friend was a lot more excited than I was.

After he dropped me off, I actually wanted to give him a hug. However, by the time, he put my clubs in the back of my car, he was already opening up the driver side door as I was shutting my car trunk. Now, how am I supposed to give him a hug, if he is already in the driver's seat before I turn around to face his car???

My guess is that he is just not interested if he is hurrying to get to the car before I can even turn around.

I would think IF and I do mean IF he is interested, he would at least give me some clue that he wants a hug or even a kiss. I can't do this ALL by myself, I was hoping he could at least meet me halfway.

I was trying to be funny to. I guess it didn't come over that well.

Anyways... I dunno anymore.

You don't seem to be wanting to take the initiative, neither does he.

The only other thing I can think of is that I come over there and kick you both in the arse. Then again, you may be kinky enough to like that...

Let's look at this from a reasonable way: if you'd say.. 'ask' him more directly.. what do you have to lose? A golf buddy?

I have the impression that's not what you're looking for. So.. seriously.. what do you have to lose?

I mean: pretty much everyone has been telling you to grow a pair of balls and ASK HIM...

You have to go after what you want in life. It's not gona come to you by waiting for it.

Either way, if you ask, your chances are 50/50. If you don't, your chances are 0.

[Thelovedoctor]

I have let him know in sooooo many ways that I am interested...all but telling him I am

Ok..just curving back to this, what exactly have you done to show him you like him?

I'll tell you right now, that some guys are so stone stupid to pick up hints, that you can straddle the guy, dry hump him, and parade a marching band waving banners that said "I like you" past them, and still would not pick up on it.

sometimes you just gotta say it straight from your soft beautiful lips that you like him.

[Yggdrasil]

Ok..just curving back to this, what exactly have you done to show him you like him?

I'll tell you right now, that some guys are so stone stupid to pick up hints, that you can straddle the guy, dry hump him, and parade a marching band waving banners that said "I like you" past them, and still would not pick up on it.

sometimes you just gotta say it straight from your soft beautiful lips that you like him.

I'd catch on when I see the marching band....

[HotAlphaFemale]

mmmmmm

Well I'm the believer that if a guy really likes you, then he will make the effort to at least ask you out on one date.

One of the reasons why you may be asking him out, is because you are scared of him "not" asking you out.

So instead of waiting, you just do it instead for him.

In this case two things could be possible.

One is that .. he isn't that into you ... to ask you out.

Two is that because you have done most of the work with the asking out, he believes that you will continue to do the work.

Now an important thing to remember is that regardless of what some men say, they still like to hunt, to pursue to go after something.

You have to give this guy a chance to do that.

So sit back, relax and see what happens.

If he asks you out accept. If he doesn't then focus your energies on a guy who is willing to pursue you and show active interest.

Remember actions speak louder than words.

[Yggdrasil]

Whoohoo.. haven't seen a post from Hope for like 4 days now. Maybe she got lucky? Arf arf....

[Hope09]

Whoohoo.. haven't seen a post from Hope for like 4 days now. Maybe she got lucky? Arf arf....

I decided to thank you for your post. However, no I didn't get lucky. I wanted to sit on this for a few days and just think about the situation.

On Tuesday, we went golfing with 2 of his buddies. After the golf round, one of his buddies, who I have only spoken with twice gave me a hug. When my friend and I got in his car, I "playfully" said, your friend who I have spoken with only twice gave me a hug. And he said "well, I would have given you a hug when you shot in the 80's last weekend, however.....(and I didn't catch the rest of his sentence because I thought I put him on the spot, eventhough I was just "playfully" mention it). After he dropped me off, he asked "so, you want to get together tomorrow night and practice our putting/chipping and I said sure.

Last night after we practiced our putting/chipping, he drove me home and I thought "ok, I am going to ask him for that hug that he wanted to give me when I shot in the 80's. As usual, when he dropped me off, he put my golf bag in the back of my car trunk and as I was closing the trunk I said "by the way, hang on for a minute" and when I turned to face him I said "By the way, when you mentioned you wanted to give me a hug the other night, well, I just want you to know I am ready for that hug" and I walked over to him and gave him a hug.

However, after he gave me a hug, it just didn't feel like a hug. I felt like he gave me a hug out of obligation because I asked for it. The way I am, I don't feel you should ask for a hug or ask if he is interested because you just want things to come naturally.

By the way, because nothing has happened, I am starting to feel like he is just a big brother to me.

[Yggdrasil]

Yeah. I see what you're saying.

That's a lot of mixed signals there.

To bad you didn't catch the rest of that sentence... however... what??? Seems like he tried to explain something.

On the other hand I am happy for you that you found the courage to make that step.

I don't know anymore either now Hope. On one hand he seems wanting to spend time with you, at least on the golf course and even somehow admits he would have hugged you, on the other hand he seems distant.

I think you gave him a very clear hint. Not many guys would misunderstand that.

Maybe he's emotionaly challenged? Scared? Afraid? Or just not into you?

This sure is strange and even I as a guy can't make head or tails of this.

Maybe back off a little and see how he reacts?

[Hope09]

Yesterday as he was driving to take me home, he mentioned that him and his buddy used to go to the State Fair. However, now they don't do that. So, I touched him on the arm and said "maybe we can go to the state fair and he replied "there ya go". WTH does "there ya go mean? Is that yes that you will go or is that no.

This evening I spoke with him and we got into a heated discussion and I said "hey, when you pick me up tomorrow, I get a hug and again he said "there ya go". WTF does that mean?

[Yggdrasil]

Yesterday as he was driving to take me home, he mentioned that him and his buddy used to go to the State Fair. However, now they don't do that. So, I touched him on the arm and said "maybe we can go to the state fair and he replied "there ya go". WTH does "there ya go mean? Is that yes that you will go or is that no.

This evening I spoke with him and we got into a heated discussion and I said "hey, when you pick me up tomorrow, I get a hug and again he said "there ya go". WTF does that mean?

I am not sure. I would say, it sounds (emphasis on sounds) like he wants you to take the lead.

Maybe he has a self esteem issue? Your guess is as good as mine at this point.

I'll put it from my perspective: if I would be single and I'd be golfing with you for that long and you would have given me so many obvious clues, I would have made my move already 2 or 3 weeks ago.

This guy doesn't seem to move but in the direction you point him.

All I can think of is insecurity or "laisser faire" as in, whatever will happen, will happen.

Just had an additional thought: maybe he thinks you're a mindreader?

[Hope09]

I have noticed that he has initialized the getting together to go golfing, practice chipping/putting and emailing me more often. I will be seeing him tonight for our practice round and tomorrow we are golfing.

I have been emotionally spent on this issue that after my round of golf tomorrow, I may just let him know I don't want to golf anymore with him. I don't know anymore. One day I feel like he's a big brother, the next day, I am back of being interested. Maybe I just need to back away from him for several weeks or longer.

He has given me so many good tips in golfing....he is a single digit handicap. And he has improved my golf game alot. I feel like I'm saying "thanks for the golf tips and have a nice life".

I just think now is the time to say its time to end it. I just don't know how I should word it. Got any advice???

[Yggdrasil]

Well.. you could try to back off for a few weeks first and see if he misses you for more than golfing.

Or you could have an open and honest talk with him, cards on the table. What do you have to lose?

[Hope09]

Last night when he and I got into a heated discussion regarding our golf league (I am one of the officers and he is a new member), well anyways, after the heated discussion, I said "hey you now owe me a hug tomorrow" and he said "there ya go". That must be his favorite line.

Well, throughout the whole time I was with him tonight while we practice chipping/putting, I didn't mention about the hug or anything because I really wanted to see if he would remember. As he dropped me off, he gets out of the car and walks to me and says "I owe you a hug from last night" and he gave me a hug. I thought cool he remember and even if he hadn't, I wouldn't have brought it up.

I just don't feel comfortable being able to talk to him that I am interested in him. I feel if you are interested in someone, it should just come naturally and I will not budge on that.

Sometimes I wonder if he still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend. They dated about 12 yrs ago and he has brought her up like 5 times. But then maybe he could be scared or maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship that we have now....who knows.

You have no idea, we see each other alot. If we aren't golfing, then we get together and practice at chipping/putting. And if we aren't doing that, we are emailing or talking on the phone. I just don't get it. When you spend that much time with a person, how can you not be interested?

[samson]

i say keep trying. but instead of golf just ask to go to dinner without golf just to make sure hes interested

[Hope09]

Well this afternoon my friend and I went golfing. And there were no hugs although several high five's but nothing physical. As we got our lunch...hot dogs (yuck), he says to me "so you didn't get onions on your hot dog and I said "no because I never know if I might get a kiss", and of course he didn't say anything...just laughed.

As he was driving me home, he says can you belive the callous I am getting on the palm of my hand...and he shows me and I said "and I thought you wanted to hold my hand." How in the heck can you not pick up these hints?

Maybe its time to just accept that he will just be a big brother and nothing more.

[Yggdrasil]

Well this afternoon my friend and I went golfing. And there were no hugs although several high five's but nothing physical. As we got our lunch...hot dogs (yuck), he says to me "so you didn't get onions on your hot dog and I said "no because I never know if I might get a kiss", and of course he didn't say anything...just laughed.

As he was driving me home, he says can you belive the callous I am getting on the palm of my hand...and he shows me and I said "and I thought you wanted to hold my hand." How in the heck can you not pick up these hints?

Maybe its time to just accept that he will just be a big brother and nothing more.

Well, he's slowly advancing LOL.

This guy confuses me about as much as he confuses you.

Seriously. He invites you to golf and such, but he's distant in other ways, eventhough, if you encourage him a little, he'll hug. Again mixed signals. You may be onto something with his ex g/f. Maybe he got seriously burned and is extremely carefull.

I've always been a firm believer in just being upfront. Maybe that's what you should do with this guy, be upfront. I dunno?