All guys, please help!

[Katherine]

I tried several times to leave him, but then I think how sweet we used to be and how he had been hurt by someone before me, how hard his childhood was. I just cannot leave. I wanna take care of him and love him for the rest of my life. And let him feel he is not alone, there is someone in this world that really cares for him and love him. I know it sounds stupid, but I really think this way.

[HDM13]

I tried several times to leave him, but then I think how sweet we used to be and how he had been hurt by someone before me, how hard his childhood was. I just cannot leave. I wanna take care of him and love him for the rest of my life. And let him feel he is not alone, there is someone in this world that really cares for him and love him. I know it sounds stupid, but I really think this way.

I think wanting to help and take care of people is a great trait to have . Hooowever, I think you should ask yourself "Is my help really helping him?" He may need to see a licensed professional, especially when it comes to his child hood. How would you feel about supporting him while he seeks professional help? And of course, this is up to him too. I know it's frustrating, but we can't help those who do not want to be helped.

[Katherine]

How can i make him realize that it is not my problem but his?

[IndiReloaded]

Kate, read this & decide if it might apply to you. Its for women as much as men:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/26633-description-shining-knight-syndrome.html[/url]

[Severed_Heart]

The problem is that we only have one word for Love. Yet there is the love of an initial infatuation with a person, the love of the following emotional attachment, the love of a mental understanding with another person, the love of realizing the greatness of a person. Ideally all this eventually combines into complete Love for a person, all they are and might be, and at this level it is the Love for your soul mate.

The problem is that most people think love is love, so when you use that word sometimes girls go kind of crazy (admittedly men to) and immediately think that this means marriage, children, living together, etc... and use it as a weapon in arguments or during break ups "BUT YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!" as though love is an empirical truth that once stated can never change or be altered in any way.

So I understand his reluctance.

[Katherine]

so you mean LOVE means you just love that guy, but do not think anything like marriage, kids, family? If we think those things that means the love is not unconditional anymore. So guys can just change their mind anytime without giving such commitment?

[Tedel]

I'd say it this way: I don't say I love you often because when I say it I mean it.
Girls say they love us just too often sometimes...

[gray2222]

You need to run as fast as you can inthe oppsite direction. This man sounds emotionally bankrupt. You'll waist your life looking for signs that he loves you and begging him for some sortof emotions that he can not give you because he does not have. it's going no where.

[Katherine]

His biggest problem is that he doesn't trust anybody. He's over self-protected and judge everything from his own standpoint and personal point of view. Sometimes, I think to myself: if he meets someone that he really is in love with, then maybe he can also do compromise or change himself a bit. But then I think that's impossible. He used to tell me no woman can change him in this world. He also thinks what he has done for me is already a lot.

[Katherine]

I'm just wondering when he can settle down for me. He won't marry me because he doesn't want marriage. He said marriage is a big trouble and women always change when they get what they want. So I do not expect marriage from him. But I really want to be with him one day.

[IndiReloaded]

He said marriage is a big trouble and women always change when they get what they want. So I do not expect marriage from him.

But what do YOU want? If its marriage, this guy isn't for you. You are wasting time you could be spending with someone more compatible. Its that simple.

He's not wrong about marriage, btw. Its a lot of work. Partners don't change so much as get lazy about the relationship. Especially once kids get involved.

So, you need to make sure you are very compatible before getting married. It helps through the hard times. I'm just not getting that sense from you. You are doing all the work and that just sucks, don't you think?

[Katherine]

I dont want marriage either. Marriage is not that important to me. I don't care about that piece of paper, cos I have seen so many marraige that full of lies and shits. I also see many people stay together for their entire life without getting married, but loyal to each other and happy. What I want is him and his heart.

[Heratriumphant]

I know it's hard but you have to give up and walk away. This guy doesn't care about you he's used you and treated you terribly. He's isn't going to change because he doesn't want to. Forget about his trust issues and bad childhood, they are no excuse for how he's acted.

[IndiReloaded]

You are Chinese, right? Marriage is still quite important in your culture. I think you're to willing to give up too much for this fellow. But you are right, I also know people who aren't legally married but have been together for as long as I've been with my husband.

But, they have very strong, loving, mutually respectful relationships. Marriage is really no matter if you don't have that.

[Katherine]

yes. that's why my parents are mad at us. My mum was very upset because I have given up too much. Everytime we had a phone call, she said: doesnt he know how much you have sacrificed? What life you should've had if not met him? And my father refuses to talk to me for more than 1 year.

But I never mention this stuff before him. I never mention about money, career, education or any other stuff like this. cos I don't want to make him feel bad. I don't know why I love him that much. What support me behind.