do yourself a favor

[CherriBlossomGirl]

I just don't see how not being married automatically puts someone in this "most likely poor, abusive, or shitty parent" category.

Devotion to your child and partner make for a stable and happy environment for a kid. It has nothing to do with the marriage of the parents. Marriage is simply a little paper that says you are bound by law. It's not proof of love or devotion or happiness.

[Mish]

I just don't see how not being married automatically puts someone in this "most likely poor, abusive, or shitty parent" category.

Ofcourse it doesn't. Just like having less health insurance doesn't make you better or worse person. It's just one of those things, if you can afford it, it is better to have it because it does provide real benefits that you wouldn't have otherwise.

[ecojeanne]

lol mish you can't compare marraige to health insurance. couples have stayed together without marraige would you consider them the same a having less health insurance, that's a weird comparison tbh

[Mish]

lol mish you can't compare marraige to health insurance. couples have stayed together without marraige would you consider them the same a having less health insurance, that's a weird comparison tbh

You can live a very healthy life with less health insurance, you don't really need one. It only helps you in certain instances.

[ecojeanne]

let me get this straight are you comparing the complexities of marriage, relationships and raising kids to insurance? For people who can afford insurance, they have it = health security. So are you insinuating that the more money people have and the tax benefits they have the more secure their relationships, and children will be? Come off it?! The more money people have the more chance they have to be more selfish and break up the nuclear family.

[Mish]

let me get this straight are you comparing the complexities of marriage, relationships and raising kids to insurance? For people who can afford insurance, they have it = health security. So are you insinuating that the more money people have and the tax benefits they have the more secure their relationships, and children will be?

No, I am insinuating the less people are scared of marriage, the more they are able to provide legal, psychological and cultural benefits of a marriage to their children.

Which can be compared to having an insurance cover that covers certain uncertainties in life.

[ecojeanne]

[QUOTE=Mishanya;432184]the more they are able to provide legal, psychological and cultural benefits of a marriage to their children.

QUOTE]

it depends on the people involved mish, thats life with or without marriage

[Mish]

it depends on the people involved mish, thats life with or without marriage

Just like with health insurance, people are all different but can have the same cover and receive the same benefits.


Alritey, off to bed.

[ecojeanne]

It might be more difficult to walk away financially the less money the family have but either way the result is still the same as if they weren’t married, and in fairness the break up during marriage is just prolonging the pain for the kids psychologically, they still break up in the end and if they choose to stay for the kids it can be hell for the kids and parents which is worse imo.

[misombra]

oh geez. that is a ridiculous comparison. you're just reaching at this point.

medical insurance: insures your health.
marriage: ensures nothing.

[ecojeanne]

don't get me wrong, it's nice to see a young man care and believe in such ideals mish, but those days are gone, it's not reality

[Mish]

It might be more difficult to walk away financially the less money the family have but either way the result is still the same as if they weren’t married, and in fairness the break up during marriage is just prolonging the pain for the kids psychologically, they still break up in the end and if they choose to stay for the kids it can be hell for the kids and parents which is worse imo.

First of all, a marriage will not necessarily end if the two partners decide to resolve their differences. Having a divorce proceeding allows them more time for counseling and more time not to rush into a poorly thought through decision.

Second of all, there is a significance at what time the two parents separate. If they separate when their kids are toddlers it will be a lot more different more difficult for the kids than if they wait to separate when the kids are in their mid 20s. So if they still break up in the end when the kids are mature it will be nowhere near as painful as if they do it when they are still growing up

[Mish]

Alright, we are starting to repeat ourselves now so I'm going to depart.

Just before I go, I know a lot of people married and non married and if I had to compare the amount of relationships that end comparing to amount of marriages I would give them a 10:1 ratio. For every 10 non marital relationships that end, there is one marriage that ends in divorce. I don't know why that is, but people do try a lot harder to save their marriage than to save a non marital relationship. Maybe because it's of the vows, maybe because of the legal or cultural aspect, maybe because of something else, but it is what it is. Make it of it what you like and believe what you want to believe.

And with those closing words I bid this thread adieu


Have fun

[tooxshort]

Annoying ... The married people don't knock the unmarried ... what's the point? Why is it necessary to put down everything and anything someone does on this forum? It irks me ... just because I can't explain why I'm married doesn't mean I don't feel and believe I did the right thing ... for not only my daughter, but my own happiness. There are people out here fighting for the right to marry ... If it wasn't worth anything more than papers, then why are we discussing it? There's a lot more to marriage than a description ... Is that corny? Maybe. But it's true ... I didn't marry to start a family or to get a tax cut ... why did I do it? Because it was and IS the best thing for me ...

Isn't happiness, or eventual happiness, the reason why we do all the things we do?

[doppelgaenger]

Hell yeah Tooshort, I agree.