Completely Numb Right Now

[SelflessnHumble]

I won't realistically get my money back, and trying would prolong my misery. I spent an average of nearly $10,000 per year on her, although half of that happened during the first two years we were together, before Craig was in the picture. She doesn't have $70,000 to pay me back, she has a low-paying part-time job, $30,000 in student loan debt, and at least three more years of school to go before she is ready to start her career as an environmental activist. My money is gone for good.

Well, a gift is a gift: is a gift in the eyes of the law and to your point: it would create a bond indefinitely.
I didn't give a certain ex that much money but I basically supported her. She had few options and I knew this going in due to her choice in employment
and her decision to enroll at the UC. She needed a sort of sugar daddy and while I tried to fool myself that she needed me: she needed
money, security and a place to crash and of course sex out of both of our perceived feelings of necessity even though the attraction took a back seat.
Not saying you felt the same but still, when I finally started seeing things (you don't see them when you're in love, nor unsuspecting) but when
things start adding up: I come to find out she was with this much older guy (I was barely 22 at the time) and the dynamic had changed.

Instead of doing what I told you to do: I agreed.
He became the financial institution and shelter in exchange for our cheating due to selfish wants of meaningless but passionate sexual desire...
She even moaned my name while doing him she had told me, and laughed about it. I paid for this dearly with my own sanity...

Don't let it get you down...You've got a ton of support here.

[Starry Night]

You're still enabling her if you take the fall for this & let her marry that guy. She chose this. She is never going to learn if she can easily slide in and out of peoples lives with no consequences. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before any kind of change can be made. This girl needs to hit the pits in order to rise above this.

If Craig hears the truth and he still wants to be with her, then so be it. If he doesn't, it's not your concern. I'm sure it would really hurt if she showed up on your doorstep one day, but you can't be dancing on eggshells in the meantime and setting up a scenario so it doesn't happen. If she doesn't learn her lesson now, then she will most likely repeat this with some other guy while she is still married to Craig in the future. And then what happens 1-2 years from now, when Craig has kicked her out, left her no money by prenup, and then she shows at your door?

I'm not saying set her up for failure, she did that, but just tell the truth- otherwise she just won't learn from this.

[VincenzoG91]

Starry Night, you're right. It will be best for everybody if she hits rock bottom and then maybe becomes a better person. If Craig chooses to take her back before that point, he can deal with the consequences. I will just tell the truth, if asked, and let them work it out.

I offered to take off work early and meet with her this afternoon, because I'm anxious to wrap things up and get her stuff out of my place. She texted back, "I'm sorry but I can't today. I'm really very sorry "

[girl68]

You're still enabling her by giving her this option to keep tossing her shit on your head.

Dunno why you'd feel bad about "DONATING" that's a GOOD thing. I can't believe you'r still oblivious to how much of a twat she is. Look if I actaully cared a half a shit about someone and he needed just this tiny bit of closure, I'd day a f**King day off. This twat sold you out 3 times now, 3 and you're still all "it okay baby, we'll meet at YOUR convience."

SHOW UP AT HER HOUSE and give your buddy Craig his twats shit back.

[Starry Night]

This girl is so selfish, if she had any kind of concern for you she would have rushed over to your place to explain the situation, instead she is just dodging bullets & most likely waiting for the shock to wear off. I agree with you, she is probably keeping you waiting in the wings incase things don't work out with Craig. I feel for you, I don't know how you will recover from this, no doubt you probably feel like you won't be able to trust anyone again. It's really heartless of her to keep blowing you off, after all you have done for her, and it's really unsettling that she is making everything on her terms. I would take the ball back into your court. Tell her you tried to make arrangements, she dodged them, and you have no choice but to box up her things and leave them on the porch. I know it sounds mean, but heck, she is just going to delay your healing process, and you shouldn't have to look around your place and be reminded of her.

[SelflessnHumble]

You're still enabling her by giving her this option to keep tossing her shit on your head.

Dunno why you'd feel bad about "DONATING" that's a GOOD thing. I can't believe you'r still oblivious to how much of a twat she is. Look if I actaully cared a half a shit about someone and he needed just this tiny bit of closure, I'd day a f**King day off. This twat sold you out 3 times now, 3 and you're still all "it okay baby, we'll meet at YOUR convience."

SHOW UP AT HER HOUSE and give your buddy Craig his twats shit back.

EXACTLY!
Giving up time from work is money wasted (again)
She needs to make time for YOU, not the other way around!!! C'mon Vince!

What is in order: "Hi Amy, it's me Vince...I will give you 24 hours to come get your personal items."
If by that time she fails to come, and make time? Drive to Craig's house, put all her shit in trash bags and leave them on his lawn.

Done. Closure doesn't require her telling even more BS and lies!
She's revealed who she truly is and expects to get off scott free because YOU are a glutton for punishment and are too nice a guy.
Nice guys get walked on, they get used...Not this time Vince...For once...defend your integrity as the good person you are and be
done with this crap. You are choosing to make these decisions in more attempts to distance yourself from the truth: it's a coping mechanism.

[qwertz]

Im sorry to hear you're going through this.

She is a scumbag whore, you are being too nice. Tell her she has until tomorrow to come and get her stuff back or else you are throwing it away. No reasons no excuses, and stick to your guns, if she doesnt turn up then throw it out and see it as throwing her out of your life for good.

[VincenzoG91]

She wants to meet up tomorrow afternoon. I'm on a salary, and I told my boss a bit of the situation, so I can take the time. I haven't exactly been focused lately anyway.

Craig finally told her that we've been talking about her these last few days. She asked me to be careful what I tell him, because he is manipulative. Heh.

I have already decided that I'm done talking to Craig, and after tomorrow, I'm done talking to Amy, too.

[girl68]

She wants to meet up tomorrow afternoon.

I'm done talking to Amy, too.

Yeah right.

(I sincerely hope I'm worng but I doubt I will be).

[xxazurexx]

She asked me to be careful what I tell him, because he is manipulative. Heh.

That's a bit rich coming from her, lolsss - like the frying pan calling the chip pan, 'grimy arse'.

Sounds like they may be suited to one another.

[Lovable]

Seriously Vincenzo, if she doesn't come through this time to take her shit back & give you her key. Then you go drop the box off at their place right at the front door. Then delete her & Craig's information from you & your life. Call your landlord & have your lock changed, it would be money very well spent. You can have piece of mind that she's totally out of your life & if she by chance made any copies of the key she had, she won't even be able to get in the house.

You need to stop being so nice to this bitch!!

[SelflessnHumble]

She asked me to be careful what I tell him, because he is manipulative. Heh.

I have already decided that I'm done talking to Craig, and after tomorrow, I'm done talking to Amy, too.

(1) This is what manipulators say when they want you to be a brief and as non-confrontational (about the facts) as possible so she gets off without repercussions.
(2) Saying it is great! Just follow through no matter the lies, the lack of accountability...Your closure stems from

no longer wanting to be a financial toilet where she can come and go as she pleases squatting at will.

[VincenzoG91]

Amy and I are meeting at my place in about an hour. She wants to talk about what happened, apologize, get her five boxes of stuff and leave the keys.

[girl68]

I'll be here in 2 hrous, I expect an update.

[VincenzoG91]

She's running late of course, but she did warn me in advance that she might be late. She was usually late for everything: work, school, dates, etc. She did get better about it in the last year or so.

Anybody here ever been in a car accident? You know that moment just before impact, when things are quickly sliding out of control and you can't do anything? That scary, giddy sensation? You know that the impact will damage your car and possibly hurt you, but there is still this moment before it hits.

That's how I feel right now.