hes been texting another woman but swears he didnt cheat. been together 11 years

[Anonymously_]

To me it seems like he's trying to guilt trip you into staying with him by telling you that you should leave him and that you deserve better, it's classic male manipulation.

[Wakeup]

I'm suggesting councelling and if after that you still snoop and he's still contacting her then leave. If you don't want to waste your money then just call a lawyer, find out your rights and end it now because to keep going on the way the two of you are without doing anything to help one another is just a waste of everyone's time.

[Anonymously_]

I agree with Wakeup, unfortunately what you have is not a good basis for any relationship. He obviously still hasn't got over her and you obviously still haven't forgiven him and the only way that you two are ever going to work now is by coming back together in time when you're both stronger.

[josie33]

ok. i did suggest councilling n he seemed ok with that. he said he wanted to talk to her to tell her that texting him like that was not acceptable n to tell her to delete his number. he said he has ignored her all last week at work n he cant have her txt like that out of the blue. he wants closure. he says hes angry at what happened.

[Wakeup]

ok. i did suggest councilling n he seemed ok with that. he said he wanted to talk to her to tell her that texting him like that was not acceptable n to tell her to delete his number. he said he has ignored her all last week at work n he cant have her txt like that out of the blue. he wants closure. he says hes angry at what happened.

He doesn't need to find her effing telephone number that he deleted to do that, he can just go up to her at work and tell her to stop it, walk away, end of.
If he told you that he wants to tell her to leave him alone then why are you posting like you're freaked out again that he's done something wrong? Why do you first say he said you deserve better and you should leave him and then when it's questioned you say he was mad and wants her to stop it?

You're not making sense.

Telll him he doesn't need to text her nor does he need her number to just tell her in person and then leave her alone to absorb that he doesn't want to be with her.

If he thinks councelling is a good idea then go. Make a proactive action to making this work or end it now.. your choice, not ours.

[Anonymously_]

ok. i did suggest councilling n he seemed ok with that. he said he wanted to talk to her to tell her that texting him like that was not acceptable n to tell her to delete his number. he said he has ignored her all last week at work n he cant have her txt like that out of the blue. he wants closure. he says hes angry at what happened.

Do you believe the bit in bold though? And if no, do you think any amount of counselling is going to help you to trust him again when just ignoring her would put the same message across AND make it better for you? See, I think relationship counselling is good for things like when couples are having stupid arguments... relationship counselling is for couples that aren't resolving things by talking to each other so need to talk through a third person, but relationship counselling can not magically put the trust or the love back in your relationship and you seem to be looking at it as some last resort because you are obviously desperate to save this relationship Why don't you let her be that third person? All meet up together and get absolutely everything out in the open and decide where you go from there.

[josie33]

he showed me the txt when i got home frm work. he said he want to be open. he said he wanted my opinion n whether to ignore it or speak to her at work tomorrow to tell her to stop. i said it seemed like he wanted to speak to her. he said he wanted closure. i got upset. he left. he came back n i saw that he had looked at getting her number whilst he had been gone . he said he was pissed off at why she txt n wanted to know why so was going to phone her to see why she said sorry. he said since he deleted her number n we were working thigs out he hsnt even thought of her. he was upset. i asked him to prove he hasnt spoken to her since the fri when his started. his records proved he text her the nxt two days after until he deleted her number. he said he was upset n she kept texting telling him to go see her - he didnt. i cannot know if he txt her after deleting her number as the bill is not yet due

[josie33]

it was the last thing he said tonight that i deserve better because of the lies. he says i dnt know when hea twlling the truth anymore

[Wakeup]

Work this out with him, Josie.

Communicate with him what you'd like him to do. Short of finding a new job he seems to be making sure you see what she does so that its on the up and up. 'You're blaming him for what she did. He has no control over what she does so don't blame him because she text. Perhaps he can block her from being able to text him and then he won't have to contact her in person or through texting if she ever contacts him again. Councelling will give you tools to help you to learn how to communicate to one another so that things get resolved. Neither of you seem to know how to resolve a thing.

Work it out with him, we can't tell you what to do. Well, we can but you won't do anythng until you're forced to one way or the other.

[josie33]

he said he wd change his phone number if it wd help me. it scared me he said he didnt know why he kept lying. he swore to me that wkeend that was it but now i know he carried on 'because he was upset' but went to work that monday said it was over n that was it. no contact since.

[Wakeup]

So: What are you going to do. Stay and learn to trust him? Go to councelling to learn how to communicate effectively with one another? Leave him now and get on with your life without him in it?

[josie33]

i dont know what to do. can u trust again after all the lies

[Wakeup]

I dunno can YOU?

[Anonymously_]

You can but it takes time, you need to be able to give it that time, it will be very hard but I honestly think before you even decide whether or not you want to trust him again, you need to resolve everything so there isn't any obstacles between you two and THEN you can just work on the trust if that's what you decide.

[michelle23]

Where did he go each time he left the house during your arguements? To her?

Josie he begged you to give him another chance so you did. He swore no more lies, no more contact with her a week ago and now you find out hes been texting and ringing you since and still lying.

Hes upset coz he misses her.

What more do you need to wake up and realize you cant trust this man anymore?

What good is couples counselling? He still works with her, cant stop contacting her, likely running to her each time you argue and cant get her out of his head.. Counselling wont fix this. You need to let him go-this has gone too far already. Hes completely infatuated by her, hes got his head in the clouds and he needs to learn the hard way that shes not as perfect as he thinks she is.

Let her have him. Right now your his reality, shes the fantasy-an escape from real life. Let him experience reality with her. Soon hell realise her shit dont stink of roses and hopefully by the time he comes crawling back (id give it 2months till he realizes he has ruined his life) hopefully by then you will be over the initial shock and realize you deserve better