And yet again...

[IndiReloaded]

You're being cut off. No more whiny posts.

Well, I think I'm off for a chocolate milk. That would be 1% with a whole lotta kahlua & vodka (no Smirnoff). I've had an absolutely crazy day.

[Cain]

Cain, if it helps you to know, you will be dealing w/this shit with her for the rest of your life if you marry her. Counselling will help somewhat, but generally, people's personalities stay largely the same. Some ppl fight, some flight when upset or stressed. She's a flighty one. You are a fighter. Just the way it is.

Imagine, you guys are going thru a rough patch 10 years from now & she tells you she can't take it anymore & wants a divorce. She won't mean it tho, I'd bet.

Here's a word it took me a long time to learn, Cain, but its totally worth it: equanimity. My whole life changed once I took this to heart. Look it up if you aren't sure. Seriously.

So, try to put this in longterm perspective, k?

If we get through this and I realize that she gets a little flighty when something comes up but she doesn't mean it, I can live with it. The only problem I have is not knowing whether she means it.

But if we survive this time, I'm willing to believe that we'll make it.

[Cain]

You're being cut off. No more whiny posts.

Well, I think I'm off for a chocolate milk. That would be 1% with a whole lotta kahlua & vodka (no Smirnoff). I've had an absolutely crazy day.

Maybe I need some chocolate milk to go with this vodka.

[IndiReloaded]

Best way to prevent osteoporosis, trust me.

[Cain]

Best way to prevent osteoporosis, trust me.

Care to share?

[IndiReloaded]

Moi? I'm just an old woman, remember? Its purely preventative... really... um, ya.

Seriously, I don't have osteo. I'm disgustingly healthy except for the odd back twinge from being beat up at aikido. Or were you wanting a brown cow recipe?

My mental crazy day comes from a crazy lawyer bitch/client I have to deal w/at work. She's got a complaint about one of the programs we run & how its not White Christian enough for her. We deal with various ethnicities where I work. She's just stirring up shit b/c she can. Thus far she's never gotten to my level, tho she's tried & I'm concerned its going to encourage the crazy broad.

You wouldn't know it from here, but I spend quite a bit of time being the 'sober second thought' to a lot of the policies that my department managers make. This one flew under my radar b/c I'm getting ready for a trip (Im the director) & now I'll be cleaning up this shit for the rest of the week.

Hence the very chocolate, chocolate milk this evening.

There. How's that for a digression vent in your thread, Cain?

[Cain]

Moi? I'm just an old woman, remember? Its purely preventative... really... um, ya.

Seriously, I don't have osteo. I'm disgustingly healthy except for the odd back twinge from being beat up at aikido. Or were you wanting a brown cow recipe?

My mental crazy day comes from a crazy lawyer bitch/client I have to deal w/at work. She's got a complaint about one of the programs we run & how its not White Christian enough for her. We deal with various ethnicities where I work. She's just stirring up shit b/c she can. Thus far she's never gotten to my level, tho she's tried & I'm concerned its going to encourage the crazy broad.

You wouldn't know it from here, but I spend quite a bit of time being the 'sober second thought' to a lot of the policies that my department managers make. This one flew under my radar b/c I'm getting ready for a trip (Im the director) & now I'll be cleaning up this shit for the rest of the week.

Hence the very chocolate, chocolate milk this evening.

There. How's that for a digression vent in your thread, Cain?

Stop whining.

[Mish]

That's dumpee talk if I ever heard it. Actually I think she needs to understand that you have your own life that functions well enough without her in it. It'll take the pressure off her and make you look more attractive.

I agree with CB here. What you want to communicate to her is that you have your own life to live, but you will be there for her when she needs you. Leave her to think things over and give her some space for distance to sink in. Don't be scraed of the distance, if relationship is giving and good it will only bring two people closer together, she will miss all the giving and come back to you.

[Cain]

Alright. The phone conversation came and went.

It was short... probably about ten minutes. I asked how her day was, asked how she was doing. I told her that I was going to give her the space she wanted and that I'd always be there for her and that she could call me when she was ready.

I told her that the break has been good for me so far. I've actually had time to think things over and I've realized some things. I told her that I blame myself a little for her wanting to go on the break simply because I feel like I put a little too much weight onto the relationship. I was a little more clingy than I should have been and there were times I was just grumpy over stupid stuff. I told her that the break helped me realize that and I'm going to fix it.

She was tired and is still down because of the friend, so I told her that I'd let her go so she could sleep it off. She said she'd call me if she couldn't fall asleep. I told her that I can't wait until all of this is behind us and I told her that I do miss her. She said she missed me too.

And then I had about a second to think about whether to say it or not... but I kinda needed to in order to see where we were at. I told her that I loved her... and she didn't seem to hesitate or struggle to say that she loved me too. Hearing that really did make me feel better about the situation.

I'll bring up the visit in September in a couple of weeks... probably about a week before I'd want to go.

[IndiReloaded]

Very sane, Cain. Hope it all works out.

[Cain]

Very sane, Cain. Hope it all works out.

Well, I feel a little better about it. Before we got off the phone she said she'd call me back if she couldn't sleep. I was upstairs getting something to eat and drink when she sent me a text and she eventually called me again. She said she couldn't sleep and I asked if she wanted me to talk to her until she fell asleep. She said yes. We were talking, and I was telling her how she'd get through it like she always does. She told me about an idea someone told her in order to make it easier. Then her mom called her from downstairs so she said she'd call me back.

About fifteen minutes later she did call me back but she was only calling me to tell me that she was going to try and sleep in her mom's room to have someone there to help her feel better. She just wanted to make sure she called me back. Before we got off the phone she thanked me for being understanding and I told her it was fine. The break was good for us both. I told her I'd give her the space so just call me when she wanted to talk. She said she'd call me tomorrow.. and then we did the "miss and love you" thing again.

And I forgot to mention, when she said she was going to go to her mom's room so couldn't stay on the phone, she said "are you alright? are you sure?"

With how the last two phone conversations have went, I have a hard time believing we'll be over for good. Hopefully things work out.

[misombra]

that's cool.

everything's gonna work out just fine.

[Cain]

that's cool.

everything's gonna work out just fine.

I hope so.

I also hope that the break doesn't last that long and that when we see each other in September, it's not just to have a face to face, one hour discussion.

[misombra]

so what you're saying is, you'd like to have a face to face with her?

[Cain]

so what you're saying is, you'd like to have a face to face with her?

Yeah.

And I'd like to have a butt stock to face with you.