Paying for dates

[IndiReloaded]

It's not that I'm ignoring them, it's that they're insulting. Telling me that I am a user because I want him to spend an extra $5 on me a week is not something I'll respond to.

Besides, I wasn't here to discuss expectations. I was here to discuss a potential awkward situation, that's it.

I assume you aren't meaning my post? Perhaps you missed it. I certainly never called you a user. I merely said that if you truly believed that you shouldn't have to pay for a date that you shouldn't have offered to pay in the first place. YOU confused the communication at that point, by only being partially committed to your values.

Its quite a simple concept, really. Act consistently with your beliefs and don't EXPECT others to read your mind or agree with you, especially when you aren't clear about what your expectations are from the get-go.

[IndiReloaded]

Person, you are only reading what you want to in these posts. Its quite normal for your age, but from where I sit, you still have a lot to learn. I wish you well, dear.

[p3rson]

I assume you aren't meaning my post? Perhaps you missed it. I certainly never called you a user. I merely said that if you truly believed that you shouldn't have to pay for a date that you shouldn't have offered to pay in the first place. YOU confused the communication at that point, by only being partially committed to your values.

Its quite a simple concept, really. Act consistently with your beliefs and don't EXPECT others to read your mind or agree with you, especially when you aren't clear about what your expectations are from the get-go.

You're right. I did make a mistake in doing that. I was worried that I'd created an expectation is all.

I'm pretty bad at this dating thing, to be honest. I got the "offer to pay, expect them to decline" from another forum. (I'm an aspiring software engineer myself, also not socially savvy)

[lesa]

and trust me, no one here is interested in my views or opinions. i don't think i am allowed to express them freely as everyone else does.

I am interested in all views and take note. However, on some topics I like to know the motives behind the opinions. I don't mean to be cruel but their are a few people (especially those in love and confused) who will take our opinion but they have a completely different motive or expectation than your own.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

God damn this thread become full of pages quick!

[Indignant]

God damn this thread become full of pages quick!

yeah, too many bitter old women, myself included.

[p3rson]

Person, you are only reading what you want to in these posts. Its quite normal for your age, but from where I sit, you still have a lot to learn. I wish you well, dear.

Oh my god.

I never asked about what I should expect.

Again, I thank you for your input, but for the love of god, I never asked that question. I asked what I should do if he brings up me paying. It was a simple question answered long ago.

I never asked if I SHOULD expect him to pay. I may or may not, but a lot of people do, and I'm not asking for much.

I never asked if I was an 18 year old princess who is using an IT guy for his money. He's not an IT guy, and I'm not a princess. I'm a reasonable individual and I really like him.

I also never asked if he was going to use me for sex. He's not.

That's all.

[p3rson]

Also, reading what I want to in these posts?

I was trying to find the answer to my question in these posts. It's like a needle in a haystack.

[Vodka]

I generally agree with Indignant on this. Every guy wants to get laid. You're just being a tease if you keep stringing him along. After a while (time dependent upon what his other options are), he'll ditch you for someone who will put out.

The more he spends the quicker he'll bail. If he's a beta fish, you got more time.

Just the way it is. 1950's idealism and gender roles are just that...1950's idealism and gender roles. You've come a long way baby! rofl.

[TheGreek]

OMG, i would always ask a guy to split no matter what his financial status is. i am really ashamed that women think that food is owed to them.

what kind of an excuse are you giving yourself that he should pay for you?

in the sense of money, i don't even take my wallet when we go out. it is russian tradition as well to pay for a girl.

Isn't that quite the contradiction?

So, here's my 2 cents on the issue. I agree with Vashti, Indi, and Fras, if I ask the girl out, I'm paying for her. I don't expect her to pay because I know that I will be paying.

[p3rson]

Oh, and one more thing... "quite normal for my age?" "A lot to learn"? Yeah, that's why I'm asking the question. If you're so older and more mature, you should just be that and not be condescending about it.

I "sided" with Vashti (and Fras btw) because they weren't rude to me.

[Indignant]

Also, reading what I want to in these posts?

I was trying to find the answer to my question in these posts. It's like a needle in a haystack.

nah, Vashti told you the right thing to say a long time ago, but then it wouldn't be as much fun without a little debate, what do you say darling?

[Vodka]

Isn't that quite the contradiction?

So, here's my 2 cents on the issue. I agree with Vashti, Indi, and Fras, if I ask the girl out, I'm paying for her. I don't expect her to pay because I know that I will be paying.

Yup, guy asks and guy pays for dates. It's his responsibility to take the lead. But, no play means no dates.

[p3rson]

nah, Vashti told you the right thing to say a long time ago, but then it wouldn't be as much fun without a little debate, what do you say darling?

I'm very sensitive and I don't want to be attacked

I really don't appreciate being called a user, Dig.

[Indignant]

Isn't that quite the contradiction?

So, here's my 2 cents on the issue. I agree with Vashti, Indi, and Fras, if I ask the girl out, I'm paying for her. I don't expect her to pay because I know that I will be paying.

it's not a contradiction for how you behave with dates or friends.