would you forgive a cheater?

[Mish]

You know, once we figure out how the individual genes interact with each other I have a feeling that a lot of "nuture" arguments are going to be out the window.

I guess there is some food for thought here. We've had something similar pop up in our MBA class on the subject of leadership, the question was whether leaders are born or made? After analysis of different theories the direction in which current research is pointing to is although some people are born with certain abilities that make it easier for them to inspire others the vast majority of leadership skills are "learnable". Meaning that someone with enough patience and motivation can become a leader by learning leadership skills. It's not an easy one to crack.


On the subject of human Monogamy here is another interesting article [url=http://www.scientificblogging.com/news_articles/modern_humans_mostly_monogamous_study_finds]Modern Humans Mostly Monogamous, Study Finds[/url] Another wiki points to sexual dimorphism in humans decreasing between 0.5 - 2 million years ago suggesting that humans have been Monogamous for at least half a million years (this is before the arrival of any known Religion).

[Mish]

I agree with you that a person's behaviour is a result of both genes and upbringing. But when the articles "talks" about people's "natural" behaviour, they are referring to the genetic and biological aspect of humans.

Okay I agree, but we're now on the Monogamy gene and Sexual dimorphism

I think we should probably move this discussion to another thread so we stop derailing qwerty's thread

[IndiReloaded]

"The only completely, fatalistically monogamous animal we've been able to identify is a tapeworm found in the intestines of fish," Lipton tells WebMD. That's because the male and female worms fuse together at the abdomen and never separate afterward.

I found this very funny for some reason.

Lipton says she was once contacted by a Canadian hospital, where doctors were running genetic tests to find out children's risks for inherited diseases. In about 10% of the samples, the children were not genetically related to the supposed father.

It gets really cold in the winter in Canada. Sometimes, it takes more than one guy to stay warm...

[Mish]

In about 10% of the samples, the children were not genetically related to the supposed father.

By the way, these statistics presented in the studies of the second article are not supportive of rampant infidelity in humans. If they are finding 10% of non genetically related children in random samples it means that 90% are genetically related. If they are finding that 15% of women surveyed cheated it means that 85% did not. This supports the theory that the vast majority of the population is monogamous and infidelity is abnormal. And it's in direct contrast to the conclusions of the first article, which tries to argue that on genetic level everyone is a cheater because they have "very strong genetic incentives for doing so".

[jenniferx]

I think this is very circumstantial. In most, almost every, nearly all, minus a couple instances do I think a cheater should be forgiven.. How hard did he try to win you back/apologize? How long were you together before he cheated?
A cheater has to work and really try to gain your trust back. If it comes easy then he might as well cheat again, right?

[Cosmo]

I think this is very circumstantial. In most, almost every, nearly all, minus a couple instances do I think a cheater should be forgiven.. How hard did he try to win you back/apologize? How long were you together before he cheated?
A cheater has to work and really try to gain your trust back. If it comes easy then he might as well cheat again, right?

So your saying you should always forgive a cheater, except in rare cases and that you should manipulate them into not cheating again?

You should make it hard so they don't think its easy to cheat again?

I don't know, call me crazy but I'd rather be with someone who loves me enough to not cheat and is intelligent enough to not act on impulse. If you don't have enough self control or intelligence to not act on impulse then I have no desire to be with you. I don't want retarded children.

I've never cheated, I never will. I expect my partner to do the same. This thread is full of people who have forgiven cheaters only to be cheated on again. I think the collection of experiences speaks for itself personally.

But we are each entitled to our own opinions, I don't want to change anyones opinion... Just make them critically think about it.

[qwertz]

I think this is very circumstantial. In most, almost every, nearly all, minus a couple instances do I think a cheater should be forgiven.. How hard did he try to win you back/apologize? How long were you together before he cheated?
A cheater has to work and really try to gain your trust back. If it comes easy then he might as well cheat again, right?

We werent together all that long, but he was my best friend for over 10 years so i trusted him totally. I'm pretty sure over time i will forgive him, but not enough to ever be in a relationship with him again.
I dont agree with the bolded part..a guy doesnt need a womans trust before he cheats on her again, if he is going to cheat he will do it regardless of whether she trusts him or not.

[jenniferx]

Wait wait??? what. no i said in rare causes should someone ever forgive a cheater. But aside from that I do see what youre saying and it is a good point. I agree with it. Ive never been cheated on or vice versa so maybe I don't fully understand such a situation, but I do think in rare cases people can change but they have to show they changed first. I don't think that is manipulation at all.

[qwertz]

Ughhhh, I bumped into his ex (the one he cheated with) today when i was in town at lunch, she saw me and headed straight for me, I thought she was going to try and cause a scene but she didnt, instead she went on about how she is sorry for sleeping with him, she did the seducing and that he regretted it straight after and now she just wants him to be happy and that he has been in love with me for a long time

Talk about a head fcuk.

[Gigabitch]

Ughhhh, I bumped into his ex (the one he cheated with) today when i was in town at lunch, she saw me and headed straight for me, I thought she was going to try and cause a scene but she didnt, instead she went on about how she is sorry for sleeping with him, she did the seducing and that he regretted it straight after and now she just wants him to be happy and that he has been in love with me for a long time

Talk about a head fcuk.

I hope you told her you think the two of them deserve each other, then mentioned that she looked particularly awful today and indicated via sign language that you could smell her vagina from ten feet away.

[misombra]

wow. that's intense.

[VincenzoG91]

Wait wait??? what. no i said in rare causes should someone ever forgive a cheater.

Actually, you said:

In most, almost every, nearly all, minus a couple instances do I think a cheater should be forgiven..

It wasn't clear what you meant, but the overall gist seemed to suggest that you meant "a cheater should be forgiven." I'm just basing that interpretation of your use of "most, almost every, nearly all."

Here's a great quote from Strunk & White's book on writing, The Elements of Style:

"Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell."

[qwertz]

I hope you told her you think the two of them deserve each other, then mentioned that she looked particularly awful today and indicated via sign language that you could smell her vagina from ten feet away.

Haha, actually, although he is a dick for what he did to me, she doesnt deserve him after what she did!

I ended up feeling bad...grrr i was too nice!!!

[misombra]

she seduced him. very insecure and pitiful move on her part. she should be sorry.

[qwertz]

Im trying to keep logical thinking with my head. Its kinda hard :S