Where are all the nice girls who don't mind being friends with benefits?

[lahnnabell]

Oh I completely agree. Just because I get annoyed by the fact that all my guy friends will only visit when my husband is home doesn't mean I'm going to stop being friends with them. I also respect the fact that they are basically stopping any trouble before it can begin.

And the part that I found disgusting was the suggestion that I try to hook my hornier male friends up with my chick friends to remove the tension. I'm sorry, but if a guy can't keep it in his pants long enough to have a conversation with me or expects me to take some responsibility for his discomfort then that guy is not friend material IMO. And I have ditched guy friends in the past for 'Since I can't have you, how bout you hook me up with one of your grilfriends?' I personally think that is a disgusting apporach.

Any guy hanging around, just waiting for a chance is a sleeze anyway. No self-respecting woman is going to put up with that crap. It's like we say guys, it's either gonna happen or it's not. You either make a move, or you don't. There's no waiting around. You can't set a trap, hope she falls on your d*** and thinks, "Well, since I'm already here..."

[MaidenMinx]

Any guy hanging around, just waiting for a chance is a sleeze anyway. No self-respecting woman is going to put up with that crap. It's like we say guys, it's either gonna happen or it's not. You either make a move, or you don't. There's no waiting around. You can't set a trap, hope she falls on your d*** and thinks, "Well, since I'm already here..."

Oh for sure! The difference between a nice guy and a sleeze is a nice guy will think 'damn she's taken! She's too awesome to stop talking to just because of that and any guy that can keep her attention must be awesome too. Score! I just made 2 friends!'

About a year ago I opened the door to the postman and he happened to be a guy I had been good friends with in high school. Back in the day we had tried to get together a few times and it just never happened. The first time he delivered me a package I was stunned by the coincidence and thought it was fair to warn him that I was expecting more packages over the coming weeks (it was a couple of months before christmas and I was doing a lot of online shopping). On one of his deliveries we exchanged numbers. We caught up out of work, he met hubby and they have become very good friends. My postie friend is single, still certainly attracted to me (though that is not mutual. The years have not been good to him) and makes a point of only visiting when my husband is here. If he feels like chatting with me, he'll call and every time he calls, he asks when is the next good night to come over and have a few beers with hubby. He's a good friend and respects the boundaries, and I LOVE the fact that he hasn't asked me if I have any single friends for him. At the same time, I know it's a good idea for me to be a little cautious around him (I discovered recently that taking off my shoes in my home in front of single men can be suggestive... and this came out of the mouth of the single man! Maybe it's because said shoes are knee high boots....?)

In the long run, unless there is NO attraction on either side a friendship between a man and a woman is likely to be awkward at best. Before I got together with hubby I had a great guy friend who I used to go clubbing with all the time. In my clubbing days I would go and dance literally all night and he was the only friend I had who could keep up with me. He also understood that I don't like dancing with people but I love dancing along side people. He had a huge crush on me and every time I felt it becoming awkward I would diffuse it by saying how much I loved the fact that him and I could be friends with none of that sexual tension crap. He'd spend the next hour or 2 in a sulk and then get over it for a while. Unfortunately he went and got himself all screwed up on chemicals and stopped talking to me when I fell pregnant. *sigh* In the long run, take out the specific details and this seems to be the way most friendships between guys and gals go. They are fine while both parties are single but fall apart after that. It's sad but true. (now I feel like a dose of Metallica. Why does my son have to be sick? )

[lahnnabell]

That sucks, but I suppose it was best that he moved on if he really had no interest in simply being your friend. That's why none of my previous hook ups or FWB hold any hard feelings. They know what we had was temporary and that I'd be moving on eventually and they don't bother me now that I've got other priorities. Well, one actually called last night at 1AM. Glad my phone was on silent, but I would've ignored it anyway.

[IndiReloaded]

I think I'll try reading this again later. Right now (7 am) I have very little clue what this has to do with what I posted. If someone sees this and has more of a clue than I have, please feel free to clarify.

I'm not reading any posts I actually have to work at. Ctr is either drugged or deliberately posting nonsense.

[MaidenMinx]

I'm not reading any posts I actually have to work at. Ctr is either drugged or deliberately posting nonsense.

If it is a direct response to something I have said I'll often try and decipher it. I think it comes from having a son that has a lot of difficulty with language and can be hard to decipher also (eg. squeeze big harder for a long time meant "mother, may I have a hug? Oh wonderful! Now could you please squeeze me much tighter?" ... well he might not have been thinking that but you get the drift. :p ). So in the long run people like ctr are good practice for me thinking outside the box when it comes to language. :p

(another adorable language thing my son does is rename things to suit his thought processes. For example, he doesn't like the word fish. Not sure why. And he doesn't like most preparations of fish. But give him a small piece of deep fried battered fish and call it chicken, he'll eat it happily. Call it fish he'll put it down, look you in the eye - not something he likes doing - point at it and say "chicken!". He'll wait for you to agree with him and then he'll pick it up again and keep eating. :p )

[MerryH]

I think I'll try reading this again later. Right now (7 am) I have very little clue what this has to do with what I posted.

I was thinking the same thing. I think he just strings phrases together with very little attention to what they actually mean. Using words like quota and platonic vs. heterosexual? WTF.

I'm not reading any posts I actually have to work at. Ctr is either drugged or deliberately posting nonsense.

Add me to the list of people who don't understand you. Seriously, ctr, your writing style is bizarre. It seems as if you're trying to use big, smart-sounding words without having a good grasp on how those words should actually be used. It makes you look either crazy or stupid. Or both. If this is the way you speak to people "irl", you should consider changing this habit. Let's try it now:

Take this paragraph that you posted earlier:

In my opinion, a nice guy can never have too many girl friends. While I may agree with you regarding male motives under our current regime, would that still be the case if it were more customary and socially acceptable, for women to use men for sex until a guy clamors for a relationship? One reason for committment phobia could be a lack of getting laid enough to want a relationship. If guys had no need for ulterior motives, why would they not explore better friendships with women as a gender?

And reword it so that a slow 9-year-old could understand it, please.

[lahnnabell]

In my opinion, a nice guy can never have too many girl friends. While I may agree with you regarding male motives under our current regime, would that still be the case if it were more customary and socially acceptable, for women to use men for sex until a guy clamors for a relationship? One reason for committment phobia could be a lack of getting laid enough to want a relationship. If guys had no need for ulterior motives, why would they not explore better friendships with women as a gender?

"Under our current regime"?! Haha. "customary and socially" "explore better friendships with women as a gender" Wait... Y'know what this reminds me of?

[smackie9]

Add me to the list of people who don't understand you. Seriously, ctr, your writing style is bizarre. It seems as if you're trying to use big, smart-sounding words without having a good grasp on how those words should actually be used. It makes you look either crazy or stupid. Or both. If this is the way you speak to people "irl", you should consider changing this habit. Let's try it now:

Take this paragraph that you posted earlier:



And reword it so that a slow 9-year-old could understand it, please.

OMG LOL I'm sure glad someone said something about it.......I'm gonna go with desprately trying to look intelligent, and posting on here is a way to fulfill that fantasy.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm gonna go with desprately trying to look intelligent, and posting on here is a way to fulfill that fantasy.

No. He can't use that one b/c its my excuse for posting, okay?!?

[qwertz]

Clearly nice girls/decent/reasonable girls have spotted you a mile off. Somebody like you using a nice girl, would well and truly screw her up. Making love is making love, not a bloody sport/or fun pastime like 10 bin bowling or going to a spa for a swim and a massage. When I have a relationship with somebody, it is that, a relationship. I have friends of the opposite sex, I do not think of them in a sexual way, we go for coffee, swim, dance or whatever. I suggest you go and pay for it, at least somebody would get financial benefit from your stupidity.

Actually, sex is a great, fun pastime, and sometimes i even see it as sport :

[Yet another guy]

I've heard it can be bloody too, for first timers.

[girl68]

I didn't read all the responses but my answer is simply. Nice girls want sex in a committed relationship. "Nice girls" are in high demand and truly "nice girls" get what they want and don't have to settle for "FWB"

[ctr916]

Oh I completely agree. Just because I get annoyed by the fact that all my guy friends will only visit when my husband is home doesn't mean I'm going to stop being friends with them. I also respect the fact that they are basically stopping any trouble before it can begin.

And the part that I found disgusting was the suggestion that I try to hook my hornier male friends up with my chick friends to remove the tension. I'm sorry, but if a guy can't keep it in his pants long enough to have a conversation with me or expects me to take some responsibility for his discomfort then that guy is not friend material IMO. And I have ditched guy friends in the past for 'Since I can't have you, how bout you hook me up with one of your grilfriends?' I personally think that is a disgusting apporach.

It is unfortunate that you feel that way since network marketing and referrals are ways to accomplish market friendly social transactions, by simple association.

[ctr916]

Women don't do this. And if they do, the guy still has the option of wooing her and screwing her. And then leaving if he wants (relationship or not).

Because you're proving that you want girls to bang. You are not looking for a platonic friend. You want a girl that you can bang.

Why is that women do not do it; if they are the one's that complain the most about not getting guys to "put out" a relationship whenever you want it. Are you claiming that a guy would not eventually get tired of getting used for sex and clamor for a relationship?

What is wrong with getting heterosexual? We are loyal subjects of the Animal Kingdom and political animals, at that.

I don't mind having several platonic girls friends who don't want to bang, if all the other chicks are willing to use me for sex, in the mean time.

[ctr916]

OMG LOL I'm sure glad someone said something about it.......I'm gonna go with desprately trying to look intelligent, and posting on here is a way to fulfill that fantasy.

Want to help me work on my rap? I am merely trying to win girl friends with benefits, by enticing them with full body massages with happy endings; what do you think? Should I establish a petty cash fund for that purpose instead?