On a road trip and the sexual tension is driving me crazy!

[haxan]

You're so sure of that, aren't you? I'm the one who said that if nothing happened by the end of the trip, I would be the one to approach him. And I didn't need anyone to suggest it.

I can only go off what you wrote. You never wrote, never implied, never eluded to any type of sexual tension or atmosphere, any buildup of any kind, the other girls did. I tend to think that it didn't cross your mind. If you want to say that it did now, well, ok.

LOL... I seriously doubt I'll miss out on a "great guy" just because I didn't f*ck him right away...

All that to say and you still don't get it. Re-read your original posts. You wanted the guy. My and other people's advice was to trust your instincts and not play games. From what YOU WROTE, you were playing a game. I can't interpret what you meant other than your words. You should have said what you said, underscoring that you had no intentions of sexual activity, even though that's all you talked about. Why do you think everyone think you slept together after you said "it happened and was amazing"?

Let me spell out what I'm saying, since you and Wakeup obviously don't seem to be getting it. You WILL miss out on a great guy if you play games, insert timetables, don't be yourself. You, I, everyone, should let relationship's play out naturally and evolve as they're meant to.

YOU are the one that posted what you posted; that you thought of nothing but having sex with him, came on to him and then stopped short of 'hooking up' to make him wait until after the wedding.

What you described is a stupid game. If you weren't ready, then you just weren't ready. If you had actually read and absorbed what I've written, you'd have understood that I've always believed both people know when it's time in a relationship, and it shouldn't happen before then.

I'll chalk it up to emotional writing. You didn't really convey what you were thinking very well. No harm in that, but on a message board we can only deal with what we got.

[haxan]

... lolzzz ...

Here, Wakeup, work with what I wrote. If you have a reasonable response to counter what I'm actually saying, it will be interesting to say the least.

You WILL miss out on a great guy if you play games, insert timetables, don't be yourself. You, I, everyone, should let relationship's play out naturally and evolve as they're meant to.

[Maple1714]

Haxan you are right in saying if you are not yourself and don't let things play out naturally, you will miss out. Playing games is something people do when they are afraid of rejection. That is the OP's whole problem and why she posted in the first place. She wanted adivce on how to tell if he was really interested...so we gave it to her. Harmless "games". I personally wish I had waited to sleep with certain people from my past...but I never could resist the urges. Guess the OP just wasn't ready.

[haxan]

Haxan you are right in saying if you are not yourself and don't let things play out naturally, you will miss out. Playing games is something people do when they are afraid of rejection.

Hey, someone who gets it Well, Indi gets it, but she abandon(s)ed me when the heat gets turned up (duly noted)

If you're a smart guy/girl, going with your gut, your instincts is the only 'best way'. If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust? Hell, MOST relationships and marriages don't work out, it's pointless to beat yourself up over the one's that didn't.

One sure fire way to screw it up however is to play games. Not only will it "not" prevent you from getting played (because when the other person figures it out, they may just decide to out 'play' you), it usually means the other person will just decide that you have to much baggage going on upstairs and find someone who's a clear thinker and not afraid to be themselves.

[IndiReloaded]

Hey, someone who gets it Well, Indi gets it, but she abandon(s)ed me when the heat gets turned up (duly noted)

Actually Haxan, I think you are putting far too much emphasis on the sex. I know you are a guy, but still. Plus, the OP explained herself and you are continuing to argue your point. Not everyone rolls the way you do. You need to respect others POV on this. If she's not ready (whatever reason) she's not ready. We aren't reading this as her giving the guy blue balls for 6 months. As a guy, your continued pressing of the point might lose *you* a great gal. The argument goes both ways.

BTW, Wakeup's response to your 'gonna lose him' comment made me mentally snort as well. If a guy walks after 2 weeks like that b/c of no sex, I'd be glad to see the whinger go too.

LOL... I seriously doubt I'll miss out on a "great guy" just because I didn't f*ck him right away...

This right here^. As for this:

If you're a smart guy/girl, going with your gut, your instincts is the only 'best way'.

I disagree, at least as you state it. I think what you mean is when your intellect and your gut are congruent. Beware if they aren't. Sorry, but too many people get into trouble following their gut/heart and not thinking enough about things for this to be true.

Emotions up = intellect down. Woe to those who don't *think first* before choosing to let their emotions carry them away.

[haxan]

Actually Haxan, I think you are putting far too much emphasis on the sex. I know you are a guy, but still. Plus, the OP explained herself and you are continuing to argue your point. Not everyone rolls the way you do. You need to respect others POV on this. If she's not ready (whatever reason) she's not ready.

I'm arguing this point: Don't play games or artificially insert timetables in a good relationship, be yourself. It's insecure, and yes, can cost you a good partner (goes both ways).

I'm not arguing this point: You'll both know when it's time, if it's a good relationship.

I never said she'll lose or keep this current guy, only that the waiting until after the reception will not have made a difference. If she wanted to wait for her own comfort level, by all means she should. If she wanted to wait to prove a point, point will not get proven.

[haxan]

I disagree, at least as you state it. I think what you mean is when your intellect and your gut are congruent. Beware if they aren't. Sorry, but too many people get into trouble following their gut/heart and not thinking enough about things for this to be true.

Emotions up = intellect down. Woe to those who don't *think first* before choosing to let their emotions carry them away.

I'm not saying to follow your heart or your hormones. Put me in her shoes. I travel with a girl for 2 weeks. First thought, ok she's hot. 2nd thought after getting to know her initially, wow she's perfect for me. That is my hormones and heart talking.

My gut will have watched how she interacts with other people, the things she talked about in her life, how she reacted to things I said, subjects I talked about. That will tell me, in my gut, if she's a good person, not a game player or head case. Someone that I would open up to physically and emotionally.

I guess I won't add that song "Heat of the moment" (Asia) to the 80's thread

[haxan]

If we started making out, I wouldn't be able to stop myself and I'd rather not put myself in that situation.

So last night it happened: I don't know why the hell he waited so long but I no longer wonder if he feels the same way

Believe it or not, even though what happened was AMAZING, I stopped it before we actually "hooked up". He respected that (I know, I know... what the f*@k am I doing, right?) I want to stick to my original plan and see how he acts around me during the wedding. If he ends up blowing me off, then I'll know what his real motive was and I can move forward and forget about him. If not, then I have no problem continuing where we left off.

We MADE OUT, people.

Even she called it a "plan" to see if he'd pay attention to her at the wedding if she didn't screw him.

I don't mind giving a benefit of the doubt, but pretty good evidence here for a case of just plain old insecurity, not a girl who's 'not ready'.

I know, you women stick together, I admire that. Maple, I give you props for stepping outside of the box and calling it as it is

[searock]

Haxan, obviously playing mind games is wrong, but that wasn't what the OP did. She did what she felt and believed was best for her. We all understood that, except for you and some other guy. In any case, now the OP has explained more clearly. I honestly don't get why you're still arguing.

Oh btw, I'm in my 20s, and making out can still be "amazing" :-).

[Lovethesun]

Haxan, you can re-post my quotes from last week until your fingers fall off. It won't make a difference: that's how I felt then, this is how I feel NOW.
I already said it was a defence mechanism from getting hurt. I admitted I contemplated on the "plan" and decided against it. I've had far too many past experiences with men just trying to get in my pants to want to go through that again, thus my wanting to make him wait. Was it the best idea? In hindsight, no. He can potentially walk whenever he damn well feels like it. Was I thinking clearly at the time? Again, no. But I am now, and I'm just going to enjoy his company and see where it leads "naturally"
You seem to be beating a dead horse.

At any rate, thank you all for your constructive criticism (even yours Haxan!)
I appreciate all your input. I'm a little embarrased by how juvenile I sounded at the beginning of this thread. I must have had it bad *lol*
But you live and learn.
If anything, I'll have an interesting story to tell my grandkids about my youth.

Anyway we've got a plane to catch. I'm exhausted and can't wait to get home.

[iamaninnocentma]

8 pages and you still never got a ride? ****ing ridiculous. Please dont tell your grandkids this story, they will lose all respect for you. Get them some disney books, they are more believable.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm arguing this point: Don't play games or artificially insert timetables in a good relationship, be yourself.

I'm not saying to follow your heart or your hormones. Put me in her shoes. I travel with a girl for 2 weeks. First thought, ok she's hot. 2nd thought after getting to know her initially, wow she's perfect for me. That is my hormones and heart talking.

My gut will have watched how she interacts with other people, the things she talked about in her life, how she reacted to things I said, subjects I talked about. That will tell me, in my gut, if she's a good person, not a game player or head case. Someone that I would open up to physically and emotionally.

I guess I won't add that song "Heat of the moment" (Asia) to the 80's thread

I really think this whole argument is of the 'same mountaintop, different paths' flavour. Not surprising since we are discussing male/female POV.

I agree with your first statement, but there's a paradox in there: 'being oneself' involves risk and its not always prudent (particularly strangers together for only 2 weeks) to be too open to another person. I really don't see the OP did anything wrong. She didn't lead him to the point of near-sex and then back off. They made out, she wanted him, but also realized that she didn't really know this guy and wasn't ready to jump in bed with him after such a short time. Absolutely fine and I wish that more young women thought this way!

I think what you call 'games' others (like me) would call 'taking the measure' of another. There are open and more subtle ways to do this (some cultures actually think that too much brute honesty is a sign of immaturity). It takes time and a variety of circumstances to get to know another person. Guys do this to women too (also fine): a guy 'tests' to see if a women will offer to pay her share of a date, b/c it gives him one example of how generous she is (or not). There's such a thing as too much honesty. A woman with some finesse won't say to a guy 'hey, I want you but I also want to know if you are only after me for sex' anymore than a guy would say to a woman 'hey, I think you are terrific, but I want to make sure you aren't a golddigger after just my wallet'.

I think more young people should apply the '3 monkeys' principle: eyes open, ears open, mouth (and legs!) closed.

[haxan]

I honestly don't get why you're still arguing.

Cause we'd all get along really well in real-time, so we take advantage of it online

Oh btw, I'm in my 20s, and making out can still be "amazing" :-).

that's what I like about you searock ! When we have the Loveforum reunion, I'll make sure to come have a spot of tea with you at the kiddie table

[haxan]

Haxan, you can re-post my quotes from last week until your fingers fall off. It won't make a difference: that's how I felt then, this is how I feel NOW.

You need(ed) some male input, Lovethesun. At any rate, make sure to invite me to the wedding

[haxan]

I really think this whole argument is of the 'same mountaintop, different paths' flavour. Not surprising since we are discussing male/female POV.

I agree with your first statement, but there's a paradox in there: 'being oneself' involves risk and its not always prudent (particularly strangers together for only 2 weeks) to be too open to another person. I really don't see the OP did anything wrong. She didn't lead him to the point of near-sex and then back off. They made out, she wanted him, but also realized that she didn't really know this guy and wasn't ready to jump in bed with him after such a short time. Absolutely fine and I wish that more young women thought this way!

I think what you call 'games' others (like me) would call 'taking the measure' of another. There are open and more subtle ways to do this (some cultures actually think that too much brute honesty is a sign of immaturity). It takes time and a variety of circumstances to get to know another person. Guys do this to women too (also fine): a guy 'tests' to see if a women will offer to pay her share of a date, b/c it gives him one example of how generous she is (or not). There's such a thing as too much honesty. A woman with some finesse won't say to a guy 'hey, I want you but I also want to know if you are only after me for sex' anymore than a guy would say to a woman 'hey, I think you are terrific, but I want to make sure you aren't a golddigger after just my wallet'.

I think more young people should apply the '3 monkeys' principle: eyes open, ears open, mouth (and legs!) closed.

This is a good finishing post