I'm 17 and i had sex with a 35 year old man who I barely know?

[searock]

I see no way, shape, or form that one horny guy who got his rocks off could possibly be more evil or more wrong than an entire social structure that has conspired for centuries to shame women into hating their sexuality so much that when something like this happens they look at themselves with disgust as if they just committed murder.

I don't think she looks at herself as if she had committed murder o.O. I have lived a very similar experience to her when I was her age, and I regret it. I don't feel disgusted at myself, I feel disgusted about what happened and most of all disgusted at the ADULT man that allowed it to happen. Nobody got hurt, but I do have psychological scars that are not (this is important) the result of society making me ashamed of my sexuality. I felt used, I scrubbed myself raw after seeing that man, I felt dirty, etc. It was the thought of him - an adult man whom I trusted and considered "above" me - touching me that gave me the creeps. I still get the creeps now just thinking about it. Ugh.

The truth is, at 17 one simply doesn't have the emotional experience or maturity to be able to know what they are getting into (sex with such an older and more experienced person), whether they are male or female doesn't matter.

I feel the same exact way about you with your older woman - I'm only 23 and I would never have sex (or do anything sexual at all) with an 18 year old kid. Not only because it would feel like I'm taking advantage of him, also because I'm genuinely not interested in having sex with a KID, when I can have a grown man. It's just creepy and messed up, imo.

Yes, society has a huge double standard when it comes to women's sexuality as opposed to men's (not only that, unfortunately). Of course I don't agree with it (as I've repeated numerous times, she is NOT a "slut" or anything morally despicable in any way - she just made a judgement error). But I know for a fact that her feelings aren't only a result of that double standard.

On a final note, the more we demonize this guy for being a pervert, disgusting, indecent, etc. the more it will be in the back of OP's mind that she had voluntarily partaken in something disgusting, self-degrading, perverted, etc. and no amount of telling her "it's all his fault" is going to change that. Keep that in mind from now on when we do our hate spewing against him because you're not doing her as much of a favor as you think. Whether it's intentional or not, you're actually putting more guilt and more shame on her shoulders by doing this.

This may be so, but it's still the truth. I will just point out explicitly that it's not my intention to put more shame on her shoulders - just to say it as it is.

A 17 y/o boy who sleeps with a woman in his 30s is a stud but a 17 y/o girl who sleeps with a man in his 30's is a victim?

As far as I'm concerned, they are both victims.

I want to bring up another noteworthy point on that subject, about how you never hear anybody demonizing the cougar who has sex with a much younger man in the same way as they do with an older man having sex with a much younger woman. It's interesting to me because the consensus among most of the regulars here seems to be that double standards with regards to male vs female sexuality are for immature, ignorant, and insecure sexists. Or does this only apply to double standards against women? I can assume that my peers around here are above that kind of hypocrisy...right?

As long as the persons involved are all mature, consenting adults (key word), I see nothing inherently wrong with it in either case. I personally wouldn't want to date a guy much older than myself. I also consider men and women that date people with a big age difference from themselves to be weird at best. The rule is (your age/2)+7. Anything different from that is weird to me (NOT "morally wrong", as long as no-one is taking advantage of anyone else).

In this case though, we are talking about a KID. I do think it is wrong in every way for an adult to have sex with a kid.

I'd be willing to place a bet that nobody there perceives a younger woman as a victim when she has sex with an older man, and thus the guilt, shame, and self loathing OP is currently experiencing would never have happened in those cultures.

Maybe a component of her negative feelings would disappear, but I assure you, some of them (the strongest ones) would remain. It's just the thought of someone that much more experienced than you touching your body and doing stuff that you don't even fully understand - ughh.

To this day I haven't spent one second thinking anything negative of what I did and as far as I know neither has she.

Lucky you (non-sarcastically).

[Wakeup]

No it does not involve an element of deceit. You were young and impressionable.. just like our female opening poster. You don't find it a problem because you scored and you enjoyed it. That is really the only difference. OP doesn't have the "I scored" mentality that young boys are taught to idolize. (Look at YC as an example of that) You were a teenager and so is Op. Your sex partner was an adult who was looking to get her root and got it without thinking about any consequences... just like Op's sex partner.

[dickriculous]

oh my dayss dick u r a guy its different 4 u. its just da way society is.if my teen male friends banged a cougar dey wud brag about it n get a pat on their back but if i had slept with an old man i wud keep it 2 myself cuz i know 4 a fact i'd be called a slut!!!!

oh my daysss teendrtbg u hav no rurdng comprenshun i alredie cuverd dat poynt meltipel timez try acshully redding mah posts b4 u rurspond

[michelle23]

there is a huge difference between an 18year old and a 30year old. have you ever heard teenage boys talk? they copy people like characters in american pie and everything they do is based on peer pressure and impressing others.

now look at a 21-25 year old male. many have grown out of that stage and dont feel the need to impress the boys so much anymore

so my conclusion. i think most teen boys would rather a girl there own age. if they do bang a milf it is only coz they think their friends will be jealous and impressed..

i still cant see a responsible parent saying "well done son-your a stud" and anyone who would say that is messed up imo

[babygirll]

Thanks everyone (even those 'attacking' me :p)

I was flattered by the attention I suppose i got caught up in the moment, and now feel ashamed and regretful....and the truth is, I know it was a stupid mistake. That is why I posted this thread. I still feel like crap i wish it never happened.I feel completely cheapened by the experience.

I didn't want to add this but since someone has mentioned it - i am a Catholic but have not been practicing my faith. Probably my christian upbringing has something to do with it but I think I'd still regret whether i was religious or not.And yes his age does make me feel worse my dad is only 3 years elder than him wtf was i thinking it gives me the creeps thinking about it now how could i be so fricking dumb. i feel so used!

But i suppose you guys are right I am going to have to move on from this. But atm it does feel like the worst thing that i could do.And I know i put myself in this situation which is what makes it worse.

i can't remember if i've mentioned this but the guy did give me his number but i deleted it now i don't want anything to do with him. I have learnt that I would MUCH rather have sex with someone I've gotten to know and I cared a lot about .

[searock]

now i don't want anything to do with him. I have learnt that I would MUCH rather have sex with someone I've gotten to know and I cared a lot about .

Good - see this negative experience as a learning experience.

You should stop feeling bad about yourself - I don't understand why you feel "cheapened"? Having sex (with anyone) doesn't make you less valuable as a person. If anything, you are "wisened" by this experience.

I do understand your feeling used, on the other hand. It's an awful feeling I know, but what matters is that you've learned to stay away from sleazy guys like him in the future. The feeling will pass, with time. You'll be alright, don't worry :-).

[TeEnAgEdIrTbAg]

oh my dayyss i was right!!! i sed she would be a catholic (see post #96 ) maybe now u people might start takin my posts a little serious !!!

in ya face michelle23 and dick!!!!!!!!!!

hey OP dont worry, forget bowt it u enjoyed it so it was a gud experience he was just a creep now go get a hawt bf ur age lol

searock she comes 4rm a catholic family ofcourse she is goin 2 feel cheapened!

[namemyname]

If I had a dime for every sexual experience I regretted...

OP - stop beating yourself up over it.

If you're that remorseful, then commit to not repeating it, and move on.

[smackie9]

There are different types of sex. Lust, love and experimentation. There is nothing wrong with any of them because sex is just sex, you make it how you want it with each experience.

[Starnique]

[QUOTE=TeEnAgEdIrTbAg;922982]oh my dayyss i was right!!! i sed she would be a catholic (see post #96 ) maybe now u people might start takin my posts a little serious !!!

in ya face michelle23 and dick!!!!!!!!!!

hey OP dont worry, forget bowt it u enjoyed it so it was a gud experience he was just a creep now go get a hawt bf ur age lol

searock she comes 4rm a catholic family ofcourse she is goin 2 feel cheapenened


Z snapping and

[dickriculous]

I don't think she looks at herself as if she had committed murder o.O. I have lived a very similar experience to her when I was her age, and I regret it. I don't feel disgusted at myself, I feel disgusted about what happened and most of all disgusted at the ADULT man that allowed it to happen. Nobody got hurt, but I do have psychological scars that are not (this is important) the result of society making me ashamed of my sexuality. I felt used, I scrubbed myself raw after seeing that man, I felt dirty, etc. It was the thought of him - an adult man whom I trusted and considered "above" me - touching me that gave me the creeps. I still get the creeps now just thinking about it. Ugh.

I too was in a similar situation and felt absolutely none of these things. And what's the most outstanding difference between you and I? I am male, and you are female. My gender is held to different social standards than yours. My gender is both biologically programmed and socialized to think differently than yours, and I'm going to address the latter in depth as this discussion goes on because it's, imo, the most important subject of the discussion that needs to be zeroed in on. I'll start here by adding that nobody makes my gender out to be a 3.5 billion population of perpetual victims who are utterly incapable of fending for themselves. This outstanding difference coexists with the fact that I didn't feel like a victim and both you and OP did.

The truth is, at 17 one simply doesn't have the emotional experience or maturity to be able to know what they are getting into (sex with such an older and more experienced person), whether they are male or female doesn't matter.

It's not that black and white. Two points here - first off there are PLENTY of 17 year olds who are ready for sex, just as there are 35 year olds that you would find too immature for it by your standards if you sat down and talked to them. The numbers don't tell the whole story, if they did then there's no way 15 year olds in ages past could have ever commanded armies to victory over 20, 30, and 40 year olds. There would be no way a gifted intellectual could possibly have more figured out about the world by age 13 than an average adult has at 25. There would be no way a kid could ever outwit an adult. Every kid in the world would be more of an emotional wreck than every adult. Your assertion about how someone in their 20's is more ready for sex than a 17 year old only tells us how things should be on paper, which doesn't always reflect how things really work in real life.

Second, one year after that age you describe as being too emotionally immature to decide who I can have sex with I had to sign up to be eligible for the draft, which gave my government the right from that day forward to conscript me into the army and send me overseas to get shot at and eat explosives in service to the United States Government should the need arise. If I'm old enough and mature enough to bear that responsibility, I'm 10x older and more mature than I need to be to decide if I want a woman in her 20's or 30's wrap her pussy around my cock.

I feel the same exact way about you with your older woman - I'm only 23 and I would never have sex (or do anything sexual at all) with an 18 year old kid. Not only because it would feel like I'm taking advantage of him, also because I'm genuinely not interested in having sex with a KID, when I can have a grown man. It's just creepy and messed up, imo.

This so called "kid" was old enough to sign a contract that gave his government the right to throw him in the line of enemy fire as well as have him handle top secret equipment and data - crazier shit than a lot of 30-70 year olds have ever dreamt about dealing with - for the sake of national security and the advancement of military technology. When you put that into perspective, it really shouldn't be all that hard to see how choosing whether or not to have sex with an older woman is comparatively less than nothing, let alone something to make her out to be some kind of predator for it.

Yes, society has a huge double standard when it comes to women's sexuality as opposed to men's (not only that, unfortunately). Of course I don't agree with it (as I've repeated numerous times, she is NOT a "slut" or anything morally despicable in any way - she just made a judgement error). But I know for a fact that her feelings aren't only a result of that double standard.

You're right, they're not only a result of that double standard. They're also the result of society shoving implication after implication down her throat that she is a helpless, powerless victim who's there to be exploited and who's life is ruined if she allows something like this to happen because of how weak and incapable of making her own choices she is, this is FAR more psychologically damaging than an older guy having sex with her. And all this talk about how this guy took advantage of her, used her, etc. is serving only to exacerbate this psychologically damaging, disempowering victim mentality. There is no non-destructive way to tell someone "you're too helpless, powerless, and clueless to so much as decide who to have sex with".

Maybe a component of her negative feelings would disappear, but I assure you, some of them (the strongest ones) would remain.

Then why do these negative feelings - the strongest ones included - not exist in the one case study ITT who didn't spend his life being subjected to implication after implication of the aforementioned disempowering beliefs?

Lucky you (non-sarcastically).

There was no luck involved with that ordeal. Just two people creating magic for each other

You don't find it a problem because you scored and you enjoyed it.

I don't find it a problem because of this

nobody makes my gender out to be a 3.5 billion population of perpetual victims who are utterly incapable of fending for themselves

Which brings us back to my original point - our social structures are the foundation of what's fukked up about this situation.

[Wakeup]

Which brings us back to my original point - our social structures are the foundation of what's fukked up about this situation.

It might be a component of what is fukked up about this situation but it's not the reason why Op feels the way she does. None of that negates the fact that a old man seduced a young girl. I still do, and always will question an old man (in comparison to the op) who would lay with someone so much younger... even a willing one. I feel the same way when the genders are reversed and an old women (compared to her sexual partners age) lays with someone so much younger. Their judgement is somewhat impared IMNSHO.

How long did you stay with this cougar you tell us about, Dick? Was it a one off or did you get to know her?

[dickriculous]

It might be a component of what is fukked up about this situation but it's not the reason why Op feels the way she does.

I've already explained in depth why it is the reason - or at least a MAJOR part of the reason why op feels the way she does. If you don't want to address the points I made that's your choice but then there's really not much more to say about the subject if that's the case.

How long did you stay with this cougar you tell us about, Dick? Was it a one off or did you get to know her?

One night stand. We worked together at the time and our workplace had rules about that sort of thing so a commitment was out of the question. Even our one nighter could've potentially caused some trouble but we kept that under wraps until we both got out of that place.

[Wakeup]

I've already explained in depth why it is the reason - or at least a MAJOR part of the reason why op feels the way she does. If you don't want to address the points I made that's your choice but then there's really not much more to say about the subject if that's the case.

I don't agree with much of what you said other then the point about society and the double standard but as I said, I don't think your opinion is a "MAJOR" part of why she feels the way she does. You're thinking like a man and she's a woman even if society didn't perpetuate the double standard, there would be different emotions evoked in her then what would be in you.. I agree that she's not a "victim" you can't be a victim if you've volunteered, but that has nothing to do with what I'm debating. As I said, his judgement is impaired if he'd lay with someone that young.

We worked together at the time. We knew each other for about a month before we had sex. Both of us got put on night shift for awhile and she appreciated my company because of how lonely she's been ever since her husband left her. I, on the other hand, was just plain horny lol. The chemistry developed faster than either of us could keep up with and before I knew it I was being invited to her house for dinner and a night of passionate sex. We both wrote off the prospect of a long term relationship, as it could have gotten her in trouble at the work place. In fact, our one night stand could potentially have caused some trouble but we kept it under wraps until we both left that place.

Well, that's not earth changing but it certainly does go to her judgement being impaired... Lonely because her husband left her, jepardising both your jobs. If we were to delve further into it, I suppose there would be even more that leads to her psyche..
Marilyn Monroe and BPD comes to mind. lol

I know we'll just have to agree to disagree, dick. I do agree with some of what you say but not all of it... not this time, anyway.

Cheers.

[Nice]

I don't understand why the OP feels so bad and ashamed.She willingly banged him, said she enjoyed it but now she regrets it. This is confusing :S

Is it to do with religion or something? :s