My girl thinks I am not over an old ex, and that my commitment is not 100% to her

[tomcochrane]

Tom,
Woody here. Yes the line of P.C I thought struck a cord was the whole."maybe your attached more to her due to the dark times in your life" something like that.

The warm text I refer to was her last one. She hasn't closed the door. If her sister is living with her now, no wonder she needs you two to wait. Though I wish she would send out a few more.

Just saw this message...

This is kind of everything in a nutshell. Met her in dark times yes, thought she was gorgeous and its a romantic situation. Though it took more than that to progress after rehab and was like we'd never been apart. So opposite to each other, that worried her at first but gave us so much to talk about, that she loved it in the end, remimicsing! Ahh! Yeah the sis thing is very real. She's paranoid about anyone knowing even my friends, so If she is to introduce a boyfriend it would have to be one who has a house, possibly job or at least looking, and for rehab to have been all a dream hehe.

The last text, yep was about the video poem I sent saying she missed me and would watch it every monday to boost her week hehe. Whether she does that or not, perhaps not now!
Yeah I wish she would have sent more, almost thought we were on communicating terms again until I asked her how her day was the next day and she said we still got to wait till feb!
Woody you've been amazing (and everyone else too) it really does make me realise that the world is full of such kind hearted people, willing to help someone else in a bit of trouble over the other side of the world, can't thank you enough!


P.S. do you want to see the video i made for her bday? Normally wouldn't dare show anyone else in person I'd be too embarrassed! Bit cheesy maybe? Though she likes that! Though an opinion from you would be great! Its only 5 mins but no pressure, if you do then tell me a place where I can send you the link (PM on here? Or email?) Cant post links on here yet and obv dont want it public
I take thats a no hehe....

Complained to doctor that prozac was not good for my sleep and I didn't want to end up with SSRI induced impotence so am now on 15mg Mirtazapine. Re-start the schedule all over again now, apparently these work within 1-2 weeks instead of 6 so thats good, hope it works.

[tomcochrane]

Well lissa I dont think guy can control his feelings for this girl anymore. Also you want him to be confident and take the stance when maybe hes weakest than he ever been.

Tom, looks like doctors are giving pretty strong stuff to you in US. Here in my town they start with weak things and then upp dosage or try something stronger. Thanks for care and suggestion to stop taking pills.

Well I dont have any side effects you described. (God bless my soul) Yes there can be many side effects but its a very small chance of having them. Like one person from 10000 or so. Only Side effects I have is weight gain and last year had milking breasts(just a little milk). I never really understood words like schizophrenia or bipolar. Would be great if you could explain. The reason why Im on risperidon is because year ago I was thinking about ex a lot. And now when I dont think so much about her they want me to keep using them because Im sitting at PC a lot and they call it schizoid lifestyle. I still do sports so now its better.

Why are you afraid to send a gift? What did friend told you?

Mate, you won't know what side effects you will get in the long term until you stop using. The worst seems to be Tardive Dyskenesia (google/youtube it). It really is a lottery who gets it and who doesn't with these pretty new drugs that drastically alter your brain chemistry. All I can say is, the longer one takes the drug the more susceptible the patient is to acquire such a condition. So, when you feel you are content and ready to move on, stop! I'm living proof of that with abusable drugs and that is what I'll be doing with my anti-depressants I hope in max 6 months time
Always consult your doctor rather than stopping on your own to avoid/minimise withdrawal under his supervision.

I can see why he prescribed it now, being schizoid is a characteristic of schizophrenia - though I am unsure how that relates to sitting in front of a PC all day. You go out and have friends etc? Seems your doc might be going a bit overboard.

I couldn't sit here and describe the ins and outs of schizophrenia mate, that would take a while! Theres wikipedia there for you dude, the PC man!
All I can say is they are mental conditions where the patient can lose sight of what he is doing, who he is and thinking everyone is out to get him, hearing voices, TV and radio talks to you (well thats my experience when I had temporary schizophrenia). Bi-polar is manic depression characterised by manic episodes and exhilerating highs and debilitating lows. I know people with bi-polar. They can live very normal lives on the correct medication.

Afraid to send gift because she lives with her nosey social worker sister who has no idea about me (and wouldn't approve of our situation!!), and that I never actually asked for her address but found it on google!
It'll definitely be a surprise for her!

(By the way I don't live in the US I live in the UK mate, little bit closer to you! Its not as strong as your stuff! For different purposes though. I'm on mirtazapine now, bit stronger than my fluoxetine. I demanded it due to less annoying side effects, and its better for sleep

[pcmaster]

Gratz on getting rid of schizophrenia ! Thats incurable sickness as doctor told me. Maybe because yours was caused by drugs you got rid of it.

Well I dont go out as much as I used to and friends I have now are in online game I play. Only friends I have left after leaving UK is my mum and sis - they are really great. Im blessed to have them.

[tomcochrane]

Gratz on getting rid of schizophrenia ! Thats incurable sickness as doctor told me. Maybe because yours was caused by drugs you got rid of it.

Well I dont go out as much as I used to and friends I have now are in online game I play. Only friends I have left after leaving UK is my mum and sis - they are really great. Im blessed to have them.

Yeah it wss drug induced psychosis due to overdose on stimulants. A full on schizophrenic episode for 4-5 days. I was lucky to come out of it. Some don't.
Yeah no cure just treatment for regular schizophrenics.

Great to have your mum and sister but maybe you do need some friends to go out with. Is why I'm suffering at the moment, quiet town on edge of north london, I only have 1 friend close by who I do usually see on the weekend, a lot more of them live in the city and have their own lives, and I don't have my girl to take me out on the weekend which contributes to me feeling lonely and missing her. Even worried about taking these anti depressants in case I meet her over xmas..they are sedating ones quite different to others. Still, I'd be lucky. Feels like a rough evening for me tonight...

[pcmaster]

Yeah I should look for friends thats for sure.

Great that you have at least one friend. Maybe you should look for job. Its easy to find a job and even if you dont find one the whole thing will keep you busy and feel much less stress afterwards.Besides it would be cool to be a man who have a job.

You shouldn't worry about antidepressants because like everyone said you should now only think about yourself.Besides theres a good libido booster I can suggest. It's not good for your nerves when you are sad but when you happy it makes you even more happy. Thing like makes you more sensitive. Its called Muira Puama. Costs like 6£ for 60 pills and I felt strong effect already from one pill a day although it says you have to use 3. Also you have to drink loads of water while one it and you anyway will feel thirsty but it makes you look younger and more beautiful too

[tomcochrane]

Yeah I should look for friends thats for sure.

Great that you have at least one friend. Maybe you should look for job. Its easy to find a job and even if you dont find one the whole thing will keep you busy and feel much less stress afterwards.Besides it would be cool to be a man who have a job.

You shouldn't worry about antidepressants because like everyone said you should now only think about yourself.Besides theres a good libido booster I can suggest. It's not good for your nerves when you are sad but when you happy it makes you even more happy. Thing like makes you more sensitive. Its called Muira Puama. Costs like 6£ for 60 pills and I felt strong effect already from one pill a day although it says you have to use 3. Also you have to drink loads of water while one it and you anyway will feel thirsty but it makes you look younger and more beautiful too

I'm not ready for work yet mate. I'm not in the right headspace. I want to take the anti depressants to stabilise myself to get myself in the right place. I will start researching and working on my CV for now though. January I aim to start the job hunt.
Whats that libido booster?! You mean life booster or sex booster? If its a stimulant or anything that will make me nervous thats a no no no for me.
Im 29 and everyone says I look about 21 haha.

What are you saying re. Anti depressants? Think about myself and just take them? Thinking of starting tomorrow night. They will make me tired and groggy for 7 to10 days. Have to push through that.

Ahahha...i see what that product is now. May cause anxiety nope not for me! I dont even do coffee. Don't think I need that, according to my girl i should win a medal in the bedroom, she goes wild
(Didnt mean to sound bigheaded, her words!)

[pcmaster]

Yeah maybe you right about not being ready to work yet. Might go to job and start crying there lol. You really good at finding side effects to things. even this libido booster that I couldnt find any side effects. Had to test it on myself.

[tomcochrane]

Yeah maybe you right about not being ready to work yet. Might go to job and start crying there lol. You really good at finding side effects to things. even this libido booster that I couldnt find any side effects. Had to test it on myself.

Is interesting though, I've saved it just in case I use in the future. Sensitive as in more feeling in the lower areas??
My keyworkers told me to go to work 6 months after rehab. Its been 2months, but I'm not going to wait that long. I's like to have one by february ideally which is why I'll be sending out my resume in January. This month I can still prepare myself mentally though and research what I actually want to do, I've done so many jobs, struggle to think of what I want for a career.
Feel quite good today. Going to a big market.

[pcmaster]

Sensitive emotionally. It increases blood flow down there too.

[tomcochrane]

Sensitive emotionally. It increases blood flow down there too.

Interesting didn't know there were natural alternatives to viagra..not that I'm really going to need it, and I can do sensitive
Also found out now something else natural called 'Yohimbine'.
Viagra is something I've done in the past for certain 'marathon' sessions hehe.
Supposed to start my first dose of anti depressants tonight before I go to bed, but I really fancy a few beers before as I'm happy and its saturday. Not to get drunk, just 3 or 4. I wonder if its ok to have those early evening then the mirtazapine when effects have worn off right before bed? Hmm.
I'm aware this thread has gone a bit off topic. Sorry. Sending present on Mon so will have an update with that situation on Wednesday...hope it goes well....

[tomcochrane]

Well,
It turns out that she rang me tonight after me not contacting her for a couple of weeks. Started off a bit of old talk and that she was a bit angry, and STILL believing the wrong reasons for the text to the ex, accused me of lying to her! In the end I just said fine, shouldn't have done it. She should know by now I wouldn't intentionally lie to or deceive her. She calmed down after a bit and said she didn't want to hear about the ex anymore. Wouldn't really say she missed me when I said it to her, maybe once but suppose thats cos she still thought i was in the wrong.

Then eventually I said come to dinner with me next weekend. At first she said 'I don't know your punishment doesn't end till february'!! Played hard to get at first but I was strong, broke her down and said 'look you've already said you forgive me, I won't feel any different in 2 months so its now or never really and I miss you so want to see you now'
She agreed!
She's been having problems with her family, her sis is dying of cancer in Canada so is going to spend christmas there with her, so we had a chat about how she feels about that and is not too good. I gave good advice i think.

After the call I texted her said good to hear your voice again and I'm there of you ever need a chat.
She texted back and said I'm glad I have a 'friend' (Its only ever been romance with us never friends, but shes always had a problem with the terms boyfriend/girlfriend though she said she loved me one month ago its never been officially declared). And then said 'how about we go out saturday?!' Sounding excited about it.

Maybe its over thinking things a BIT much! But I hate the way she said friend. I'd been making it clear throughout phone call/text that I can't wait to romance her again, to which she never said was a problem. Also after the 'friend' text I also said: I am your friend who you can always confide in but that we are more than that and can't wait for our amazing kisses again, then said goodnight with a kiss, which was reciprocated.

I know I'm prob being mega paranoid! I just hate girlfriends calling me friend or mate. Maybe she is just not trying to give too much away at the moment as she initially was still angry. Apart from eventually seeming really excited and arranging the day we are going out, and being in a generally good mood towards middle of conversation.
Seems like contact is back on now.

Someone tell me I'm being a complete tart please! Surely she wouldn't have even rung me otherwise. Its just i consider friends the people I dont have sex with.
Still...2 minutes I'll jump in her car look into her eyes, kiss her and hopefully get her juices going again.
Can also give present in person now

[pcmaster]

kiss her and hopefully get her juices going again.

Ha ha you are pervert.

[tomcochrane]

Ha ha you are pervert.

Haha..realised how it sounded after..
I won though!

[tomcochrane]

Yep, well after speaking to her a couple of times she is saying the feb thing is my punishment and the balls in her court no room for compromise she says. I said its crazy, you forgive me and move on or we split (which i dont want).

Shes over reacting and claiming that there was more than just messaging to the ex. Apparently was cos i didnt tell her about her, fair enough, and that im making plans and been 'lying' to her. Well i dont get that. Its all rubbish really, she believes what she believes and is still angry, and wont move the goalposts cos 'its all in her control' now and theres nothing i can do. She likes control, I find it arrogant really. Questioning myself...still wants me to live with her in Feb apparently needs this time to make sure sure that, yes, I dont step out of line again and she doesnt make a fool of herself!
Eugh. She knows im a decent bloke. She says she doesnt know how she will react when she sees me on sat i,e whether she will be angry, sad or happy.m ALL OVER A BLOODY TEXT!! One that shes ripped to shreds and came out with all kinds of hairball stories which im supposed to just bow down to in her eyes. Grr.

So we have a 'one-off' dinner on saturday to meet for her birthday. Im just going to be normal. See what happens.

[pcmaster]

she is saying the feb thing is my punishment

Maybe she likes punishment. Shes might be one of those you know. And you could end up punished on a regular basis and even in bedroom.

At least good news is that you are in touch again and she dont ignore you. But it seems like she dont take you serious when you try to justify yourself. Sometimes people like this can push you to lie so they can hear what they want to hear lol.

Dont let hear break you lol. Brace yourself so you wont flip out and start argue because its useless and you both are just going circles already.