Should I be upset about this or not?

[Steven715]

Firstly i am very pleased that you and your girl are finally got that meet and are getting on very well! Sounds like you have a good one there! But as we all know where there is good there is bad and in your case she is on coke. My sergestian for this would be try and talk to her and perswade her to get help i am sure that you will be more than supportive for her i like you dont think that you can dump her as you have been through alot and the coke thing is clearley messing her mind up i am very sure that you will be able to sort her out and if you succede than you will have a near perfect partner!

[Gigabitch]

Blackie, don't do it again. That's all. No big deal. How the hell can you expect her to quit it if you do it too?

This is what I think: Firstly, you should live closer to each other. You should be a real couple and explain that to the kids.

She should get a grip and stop doing coke. She's got kids, for Chrissakes. She's about the same age as I am, and I would be really embarassed to be seen doing coke at this point in my life. Not just because it's a stupid drug and it makes people feel like shit, but because most people learn that by the time they're thirty years old.

Ask her to stop self-medicating. Oh, no. Wait, you can't because you would sound like a great big hypocrite. Damn it, Blackie, what th **** were you thinking?

[ZG123]

Ill admit, I didnt read this whole thread, but the first page was eerily close to my situation, very weird.

[BlackiesHD]

Blackie, don't do it again. That's all. No big deal. How the hell can you expect her to quit it if you do it too?

I'll never do it again. It was the first time in thirteen years for me. Stupid mistake on my part.

Ask her to stop self-medicating. Oh, no. Wait, you can't because you would sound like a great big hypocrite. Damn it, Blackie, what th **** were you thinking?

Bottom line is that I wasn't thinking.

I hate to say this, but logically I just can't see this working. The above factor aside, the distance, her emotional baggage and daily drama, last minute cancelations. (most of which I now understand) This weekend's canceled too as she has to take the kids to a birthday part Saturday (again, I understand that but still it's frustrating)

I've just decided to back off (a bit) for now, go out and have a good time this weekend. If I don't take care of myself both physically and emotionally I sure as hell can't care of anyone else.

[ZG123]

Blackie, Id appreciate if you took a look at my thread bro, wanna know your input on what happened yesterday.

[BlackiesHD]

Blackie, Id appreciate if you took a look at my thread bro, wanna know your input on what happened yesterday.

ZG123, I've been following your saga as it seems so similar to mine. Before I say anything, just know that I'm good at giving advice but bad at taking my own, you probably know how that is.

I would say that she is rude, disrespectful and maybe mental for jerking you around like that yesterday. Hell, mine's mental by her own admission and she's not that bad.

This is very easy for me to say and again, I can never follow my own advice but in theory I'd tell her to go **** herself. Nobody should treat somebody like that. You sound like a cool dude and she doesn't deserve you. Even if I'd made plans with a male buddy and they pulled that shit, I'd be majorly pissed off and let them know it. In any relationship the effort put forth by each party has to balance out. It's not always equal at times, but as long as it adds up in the long run that's fine.

I, like you, don't understand why we've been chased and then they run away. My situation was a 'dream come true' or in her words 'a miracle that we met.' So what the **** happened? Maybe, just maybe like Ellynn said, they get scared. That's the best possible senario. The worst senario is that they met someone else or, an old ex came back and they're keeping us on hold ('reserve')

Ironically, mine has an ex named Brian who keeps chasing her. I truly believe that she wants nothing to do with him but who knows for sure?

I've been in these situations too many times before and the only thing that has worked is to disapear. Don't call, don't email, nothing. And to re-inforce that, go out and find somebody new. Rebound? Ehh... Maybe but when I did it the last time I ended up married to 'Miss Rebound' for fifteen great years.

Usually, almost 100% of the time for me, the original girl will come back crying on your doorstep when you've moved on with someone new.

My plan for today is to call her in a few minutes just to say hello, keep it lite and since she's already canceled our weekend (some kids birthday party) go out and have a good time for the next few nights.

Always remember too... the chances are extremely good that within a ten-mile radius of your house at this moment, there's a great girl who would treat you right sitting at home alone with her cat, a book and a bottle of wine wishing she could meet a great guy like you. You just gotta find her.

Now if I could only take my own advice...


Edited for update: The minute I finished the above post I turned on the phone to call her and there was a message from her. Called her back, she said 'it's good to hear your voice Blackie,' I said 'me too.' (We'd been playing phone tag) She said that she missed me, (maybe I said it first, don't remember) and she said the twins miss me, we started having a nice talk and then her office phones got real busy, said she'd call at lunch.

I see the problem, it's like a moment of clarity here. It's not coke, it's not the distance, it's not another guy, there may be some 'fear factor' involved on her part but the problem is:

WE CAN NEVER HAVE FIVE ****ING MINUTES OF UNINTERUPTED TALK TIME!!!! NEVER!!!

This is sad. Even when we're together there's the kids. On the phone either they're around and she can't talk freely or at the office as the phones ring constantly. It's not her fault, it's the circumstances but if this is gonna work, we HAVE to have uninterupted talk time. Emails just don't cut it. Too much can be lost in the translation and the only problems spat-wise we've had have been over emails that were read the wrong way.

I have some woods near my house. When she was here over the 4th she said that she'd love to go for a long walk in those woods. If we only could for a couple of hours by ourselves I have a very strong feeling that we could work everything out and move forward.

Next weekend the ex has the kids. I'm gonna strongly push (without an ultimatim) that she get over here so we can have some private time. It CAN work, but not via voice mail and emails.

[Gigabitch]

What ever happened to her unstable living situation/ contemplation of relocating?

[ZG123]

Thanks for following, and I agree, doesnt matter if one of my buddies did this, or if she would have been hanging out with one of her girl friends, its messed up in any scenario. Although its much harder pill to swallow when its the girl you are head over heels for.


Hopefully your girl will be down to come over with no hesitation, like you said always having someone else around will make things harder. I havent had this girl alone for 3 weeks. I hung out with her once at a bar, which was fun but again we weren't alone. Like you, the past 5-6 times we had plans something always came up, I guess I was blinded by "love" and just thought it was a coincidence, but yesterday let me know that she probably did it on purpose.

All of this just doesnt add up, less than a week ago she wanted to get a place with me and she admits shes falling in love with me, I thought everything was going good...then she completly blows me off yesterday. This changes everything and I dont think things will ever work out. I cant swallow my pride and just easily accept an apology, not that Im gonna get one because she hasnt texted or called today anways.

[BlackiesHD]

What ever happened to her unstable living situation/ contemplation of relocating?

I don't know.

Gigabitch that's exactly the problem. We don't get litterly five minutes to talk about anything. And it's not that she is trying to 'keep in touch but yet doesn't want to talk' as I hear the kids in the background screaming for something or the office phones ringing. When she was over for four days over the holidays every time we tried to sneak away for a few minutes the kids would follow us like bloodhounds.

I love the kids, I truly do, but we MUST have some private time. I'm actually suprised we've lasted this long with the lack of communication. We do fine when it's just she and I, no time pressures, etc, but we haven't had that in a few months now.

[Gigabitch]

Then she just has to come down this weekend while the kids are with their dad. That's all there is to it.

[BlackiesHD]

All of this just doesnt add up, less than a week ago she wanted to get a place with me and she admits shes falling in love with me, I thought everything was going good...then she completly blows me off yesterday. This changes everything and I dont think things will ever work out. I cant swallow my pride and just easily accept an apology, not that Im gonna get one because she hasnt texted or called today anways.

That's a tough one, I don't know what to say really. I mean I thought I had it bad as mine is weird, mental with a possible drug problem and sends mixed signals but your situation is more extreme.

I feel your pain buddy as I know how I would feel if that happened in my situation. Mine has 'hinted' about eventually moving in, but if she had gone so far as to commit and then pulled shit my heart would be in a meat grinder.

Probably the best thing for each of us to do is put in earplugs. Don't listen to a damn thing they say, just go by what they do. Actions speak louder than words.

I guess that if I were in your shoes I would disappear like I mentioned eariler. Don't call, email or text. Let her make the next move and react (after calmly thinking) accordingly.

Meanwhile, get out there and meet someone else. Rebound or not, it'll help.

[BlackiesHD]

Then she just has to come down this weekend while the kids are with their dad. That's all there is to it.

Yes.

Actually it's not this weekend but the following which is fine.

It's gotta happen. We've come very far very fast with yes, a roller-coaster but it seems we're still hanging in there.

[ZG123]

That's a tough one, I don't know what to say really. I mean I thought I had it bad as mine is weird, mental with a possible drug problem and sends mixed signals but your situation is more extreme.

I feel your pain buddy as I know how I would feel if that happened in my situation. Mine has 'hinted' about eventually moving in, but if she had gone so far as to commit and then pulled shit my heart would be in a meat grinder.

Probably the best thing for each of us to do is put in earplugs. Don't listen to a damn thing they say, just go by what they do. Actions speak louder than words.

I guess that if I were in your shoes I would disappear like I mentioned eariler. Don't call, email or text. Let her make the next move and react (after calmly thinking) accordingly.

Meanwhile, get out there and meet someone else. Rebound or not, it'll help.

Funny thing is, she said that same thing "actions speak louder than words" when she first started acting weird saying she cant feel pressured. She said when I was pulling the whole lets just keep things chill for right now and all that it made her feel bad. Now shes doing it to me, but to an extreme.

And your right, I do need to dissappear, but it makes it much harder in my situation since I work with her...Ill do what I can though.

[BlackiesHD]

Funny thing is, she said that same thing "actions speak louder than words" when she first started acting weird saying she cant feel pressured.

Mine said the exact same thing.

And your right, I do need to dissappear, but it makes it much harder in my situation since I work with her...Ill do what I can though.

Oh man, I forgot about that part. Ouch!

[ZG123]

Oh man, I forgot about that part. Ouch!

NOt much more to say bout that one, lol.

Man Saturday is gonna be REALLY awkward if we dont talk by then. Thats the day when theres not many managers there all day so we can be more open with talking all day. We usually walk to the back to something to drink several times a day. And we almost always go get Subway to eat on Saturdays too. I can literally stand up at my desk and see her, and since theres not as many people working on Saturdays Im gonna hear her all day and its gonna drive me nuts.