Paying for dates

[p3rson]

Yup, guy asks and guy pays for dates. It's his responsibility to take the lead. But, no play means no dates.

Another question I didn't ask: whether or not I should put out on the first few dates.

No.

You're obviously more interested in prostitution than actual relationships.

[lesa]

This is true. She is agreeing and telling you what you want to hear. You have ignored other posts that are challenging your thinking. Expected, but won't help you much in terms of personal growth.

Good luck.

Ah, I do the same IndiReloaded. I love these topics because it does challenge us. However, this is the OP's thread so I understand why she is in agreement with a poster. That's her view and she is living it now.

Everyone else, however, we don't know if they are living the life they talk about. I want to read more opinions for personal growth. In order to do that I may have to challenge the reasons for their views. It's not to offend or tell them that their view is right or wrong.

[Indignant]

I'm very sensitive and I don't want to be attacked

I really don't appreciate being called a user, Dig.

but we do use people for different reasons at random points in our life. all of us are users to certain extremes.

[TheGreek]

it's not a contradiction for how you behave with dates or friends.

Wait....what? I'm confused. I just saw that you were telling her off for expecting him to pay and then you said that you didn't even take your wallet with you when you went out. Am I missing something?

[Indignant]

Another question I didn't ask: whether or not I should put out on the first few dates.

No.

You're obviously more interested in prostitution than actual relationships.

how many dates have you had?

[p3rson]

how many dates have you had?

I don't even know what to say to you anymore. I'm so sad for you. I have enough respect for men to have some expectations, while you don't. You just come off as so bitter.

Just don't drag me down with you.

I've had a couple of great relationships. One of them was a dutch one when I was about 15, which ended for other reasons. The second, he always payed for me, and it ended because I moved away.

I'll be fine without a cynical view such as yours.

[vashti]

I'm very sensitive and I don't want to be attacked

I really don't appreciate being called a user, Dig.

I don't think you are user. You are simply more traditional than indignant or this new vodka guy (like you'd be dumb enough to take advice from someone who names himself after alcohol). I also think you have been attacked unfairly. You got your answer, hun. If I were you, I'd just stop responding.

[Indignant]

Wait....what? I'm confused. I just saw that you were telling her off for expecting him to pay and then you said that you didn't even take your wallet with you when you went out. Am I missing something?

yes, i was talking about splitting when i go on dates and not ever paying when i go out with male friends.

[p3rson]

I don't think you are user. You are simply more traditional than indignant or this new vodka guy (like you'd be dumb enough to take advice from someone who names himself after alcohol). I also think you have been attacked unfairly. You got your answer, hun. If I were you, I'd just stop responding.

Thank you.

[lesa]

To the OP, I've got nothing against you because it is your decision. I think it's very good that you have self respect for yourself to only give it up to who you love. As for your original post, I just think we are different. I wasnt raised the way you were raised so I dont feel the same way. I understand that if I am invited somewhere that the person should pay, but I personally still like to add in something. It helps me from feeling uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable with a man paying for everything for me because I believe it would get thrown back in my face like "But I did this and that for you". I've actually been called a golddigger by an ex boyfriend in the past...and its super weird cuz I didnt even ask for money. I occasionaly was hungry and asked for somethin to eat, but thats it. I just go based off of personal experiences. But yes as stated before, to each their own. I just have my preference of adding my own two cents.

Asking for something to eat is similar to asking to pay for a meal. He has to get the meal some way and unless you get it from home (the groceries that you paid), he will have to pay groceries.

That's what the OP originally stated as well. The dating etiquette is whoever asks, pays. It doesn't matter if it's at a cafe, diner, school cafe, restaurant, fast food, grocery store, or his mother's house. He would be "paying" for your meal.

That may be fine for the guy on one or two occasions but if that's done more often, I am sure he would think something about that. How he acts about it may be a different thing, though.

[Vodka]

I don't think you are user. You are simply more traditional than indignant or this new vodka guy (like you'd be dumb enough to take advice from someone who names himself after alcohol). I also think you have been attacked unfairly. You got your answer, hun. If I were you, I'd just stop responding.

You're not being realistic. If a 26 year old guy who is making bank is dating this girl and not getting play, then he WILL be looking for another girl that will. As soon as he has a better option he will bolt.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong. But it is the way our society is now. Women are sexually liberated, that comes with a different set of expectations than existed in the 50's.

You are being a disservice to this girl telling her that a guy with options will keep dating her hoping to fall in love with her in some undefined timeline and have sex who knows when.

Now if he's a beta fish like I said, he won't have options and she's safe. Also, if he's a very religious person, she's safe. But if it's just the average guy, he wants sex as soon as possible.

[vashti]

Vodka - The right guy won't expect her to put out because he spent $12 on a cheap date, and for the record, several males have agreed with me on this. Not all males are going to expect a girl to put out because he buys her dinner. Some will, but those are the kind smart girls avoid.

[lesa]

Also, reading what I want to in these posts?

I was trying to find the answer to my question in these posts. It's like a needle in a haystack.

Most of us are now just expanding our thoughts in this stimulating debate. Your question has been answer very well already, imo.

Feel free to debate with us or perhaps you prefer we cool it off? It's your thread so I don't want to be an a** here.

[Junket]

i am not speaking for anyone, i only relaying my situation. are we here to bash everything i say again? can you not accept that everyone had different lives and their situations are as well?

Can you not accept that everyone has different lives and different situations as well?

You told me not to be idealist, and to be honest, so I was, and yet you still scoffed in doubt at my response.

you don't know what you're talking about Lesa, Fras would pay for her and expect anything in return.

Don't skirt responsibility for your own words to play victim.

[Vodka]

Vodka - The right guy won't expect her to put out because he spent $12 on a cheap date, and for the record, several males have agreed with me on this. Not all males are going to expect a girl to put out because he buys her dinner. Some will, but those are the kind smart girls avoid.

JoeProgrammer has two options:

Girl A: Nice girl. Not in love. No sex. Pay for everything.
Girl B: Nice girl. Not in love. Sex. Pay for everything.

What do you think Joe will do?

Joe is:

A. Religeous. Girl A 50% / Girl B 50%
B. Beta. Girl A 100% / Girl B 0% because he can't get her.
C. Average Joe who has the option of dating either. Girl A 0%/ Girl B 100%