The July NC Challenge

[sting3r]

i know what i have to do and just cannot seem to do it. Ive seriously tried everything.

Try harder... don't give up. One things for sure, if you really wana feel better, only YOU can make it happen.
I'm currently in the same boat and I know exactly how you feel. I do whatever it takes to stop thinking about her. Remembering the 'good memories' doesn't help either. Accept that its over, it was never meant to be and that if the other person can be happy without caring about you, you can do the same.

[DarkHelmet82]

Try harder... don't give up. One things for sure, if you really wana feel better, only YOU can make it happen.
I'm currently in the same boat and I know exactly how you feel. I do whatever it takes to stop thinking about her. Remembering the 'good memories' doesn't help either. Accept that its over, it was never meant to be and that if the other person can be happy without caring about you, you can do the same.

heres what ive tried doing.
Praying, meditation, reading, keeping busy, antidepressents, psychologists, suicide, visiting family, vacation(s), crying, screaming, pusing thoughts out of my head, begging, stop living in the past and in the moment, sleeping, acceptance (cause I know it is over)

NOTHING seems to work. This is something I know I can do and ONLY I can do it but seem to hit a wall everytime and it gets harder and harder everyday, instead of easier. The thing about this is that NOBODY understands how i feel as much as they say they do and I cant even help myself how can i expect other people too.

[pisces25]

The thing about this is that NOBODY understands how i feel as much as they say they do and I cant even help myself how can i expect other people too.

You'd be surprised DH. It is the human condition after all.

You're struggling to move on because you identify with these feelings and have attached yourself to them. Without them you feel you will be left with nothing. This is giving your mind something to do, to dwell upon, and without these thoughts, then what?

There are going to be many bad days, but there will be some good too. When you have a good day identify what it is inside you that is making you feel good. Hang on to that feeling for as long as possible. When you have a bad day, identify what it is that is making it bad. Get to know the way your mind is working. You will realise these are just THOUGHTS. You don't own them. Treat them as a friend. Bad or good. Make them a cup of tea and say 'hello boredom how are you?' And then wait for him to leave. It sounds silly but you need to start recognising your states of mind deeply. Find out WHAT it is that is actually causing you to feel this way. And give the meds time. Be PATIENT with yourself. Mostly, forgive whoever has hurt you and forgive yourself.

And seriously, try and get out there and get involved in some sort of community charity work or social work. I can assure you once the focus is off yourself you will start to feel better. You will also understand every single person has mental struggles in some way or another and you will feel less alone.

[senokotmax]

The problem is I regret how we left things after 5 years together. ie, her slamming her door in my face. Seems like we should end it on a nicer note than that and it stops me succeeding at NC.

She clearly doesn't care about any of it though... She's being very selfish.

[Horseyguy]

Day 5 and just over two months since we finally broke up and I still think about her a lot but I've put that down to me having an addictive personality and missing the routine of what we had

Outside of that I think she's a heartless bitch so I must be getting better because I've knocked her of the pedestal and stopped telling myself how wonderful she is when she isn't

The one thing that has really helped me through this is knowing that it doesn't go on for ever and I can live my life will out her in it. Had no problem living it before I met her and really as much as I loved her she wasn't THAT fantastic that my life should just go down the toilet because she's not in it anymore. Yeah it's a bummer it ended but it did so there is nothing I can do or want to do about it. If she comes back I'll see where I am at then and if she doesn't I wont care because I would have moved on.

Anyway I'm starting my Masters in 4 days time so I'll be way to busy for all this emotional bullshit and I'm not going to go stuff up my Masters thinking about someone who is so emotionally retarded thay can't even pick up the phone and apologise for being a drunken twat

Ok maybe I'm more over her than I thought I was lol

[Posh_Yla]

sorry deleted...

[JennaBella]

OMG got to day 8 of NC, feeling a lot better about things and proud of myself for being strong! Then I logged onto my works emails this morning and the ex has emailed me!!!! I made it clear that I didn't want any form of contact with him, work related or otherwise when I texted him last week. Thought he was respecting my wishes, told me he would. I ignored it. Then he emailed me again a couple of hours later, also ignored it. It was work related but couldve directed to one of my colleagues who have access to exactly the same info as I do..... Just an attempt to break the silence in my opinion. I think he misses me!! Am I deluding myself??????

[irishgerry]

You shouldnt ignore work emails, I dont with my ex. Just kept it very professional at the start, short sentences etc. Now after nearly 7 weeks of NC/LC I'm pretty good with things so I can email her back with a bit more personality! I was in the same boat as you a few weeks back where she would email me irreleveant work related stuff that she could send to someone else, low and behold a few days later I get the text from her saying she misses me.

Hows everybody doing for the July NC then? I've seen a lot of people break it. I dont have the urge to contact mine and she is just gone away on holidays until August 1st so makes it easier anyways

[OmnicronPercei8]

As I've said before I think my road to travel will get a lot smoother the day I depart from my work (where we share the same aisle). Not seeing her face pop around a corner, or get emails from her will be the clean break I need to sort her out of my life for good. I would venture to say if I had to put a number on it that I vary from being over her by 50-70%, which I don't think is bad considering the above factors. I no longer entertain the notion that she wants to get back together. If I do delve into that kind of fantasy on my lower end days I imagine what I would tell her and how I could no longer ever be with her because of the way she hurt me. I just couldn't do it again. So I dispel that kind of thinking most days and on my upper end days I slip into fantasy of meeting someone new and charming who I connect with well.

Until I actually do meet that person I feel my ex will always be squatting on a piece of my heart which scares me because I start to actually fear what would happen should she come back. I know time heals and it has so far, but just as I think I'm doing well, I go into a downward spiral of thought, shame, and regret for a day or so until I can pick myself back up saying that today is really no worse than yesterday.

Another thing I'll share is that alcohol definitely has not made anything better. I've had drinks and gotten drunk maybe 4-5 times in seven weeks and almost every time the next day I go through the biggest emotional hangover. On some of those mornings it has felt like the first day all over again. Yet, I'll consider going out again tonight for the possibility of meeting a hot woman that might make me forget my ex in the morning.

[vampiress]

You shouldnt ignore work emails, I dont with my ex. Just kept it very professional at the start, short sentences etc. Now after nearly 7 weeks of NC/LC I'm pretty good with things so I can email her back with a bit more personality! I was in the same boat as you a few weeks back where she would email me irreleveant work related stuff that she could send to someone else, low and behold a few days later I get the text from her saying she misses me.

Hows everybody doing for the July NC then? I've seen a lot of people break it. I dont have the urge to contact mine and she is just gone away on holidays until August 1st so makes it easier anyways

what's NC/LC??????????????????????????????????

[irishgerry]

No Contact for 4 weeks, then a week of Low Contact - i.e her initiating texts and me just responding saying I'm only going to entertain these if you want to reconcile, then back to nearly 3 weeks of NC - actually thats nearly 8 in total. cool.

[vampiress]

No Contact for 4 weeks, then a week of Low Contact - i.e her initiating texts and me just responding saying I'm only going to entertain these if you want to reconcile, then back to nearly 3 weeks of NC - actually thats nearly 8 in total. cool.

keep going I'm happy for you
It's been 4 weeks of NC for me. I'm only warried about the next 1 or 2 month when I get toooo lonley.

[irishgerry]

keep going I'm happy for you
It's been 4 weeks of NC for me. I'm only warried about the next 1 or 2 month when I get toooo lonley.

4 weeks is a great acheievement, i remember the first 4 weeks were the hardest. My advice would be to go on a few casual dates when you are ready, they really up the confidence. A few weeks ago I went on 2 dates with a girl but wasn;t ready so ended it. Recently I went on another 2 dates with a different girl and the change in me is amazing, definitley feel like I'm ready to move on.

[DarkHelmet82]

im out of this challange as It doesnt matter at this point as I have moved on

[vampiress]

4 weeks is a great acheievement, i remember the first 4 weeks were the hardest. My advice would be to go on a few casual dates when you are ready, they really up the confidence. A few weeks ago I went on 2 dates with a girl but wasn;t ready so ended it. Recently I went on another 2 dates with a different girl and the change in me is amazing, definitley feel like I'm ready to move on.

well, RAGE is still consuming me for his betryal.... What happens when this rage is gone????????????????????????????