Not sure where to post this

[Rollerderby]

A male friend of mine is very insulting when he teases people. I am not the only one who notices it, but I guess I was the only one with balls to call him on it.

He play fights a lot. If he calls a name, and someone calls him one back, he finds a way to best it, even if it's not funny. He generally takes it too far, and will get down right insulting and mean, especially to girls, because he wants to win. I remember from first meeting him how some girl puked on his bedspread and while she was passed on his couch, he ended up throwing his comforter on her and called her a c*nt, even though she was passed out. Many people were like, holy shit, that was uncalled for even if that is true...

His claim is that he "never gets mad" but has told me about issues with his mom being an alcoholic and I don't even know what else.

But he does get mad. He gets nasty. He gets annoying. He rooms with my cousin, and we used to all be close friends, but it has drifted. She has told me quite a lot about how much she wants to distance herself from him because of how belligerent he is. Belligerent. Good word. Not letting things go.

Tonight I got in a playful spat with a dif guy friend of ours. Nothing the other guy couldn't handle. This guy friend made it his personal battle, basically saying if the other dude wanted to "slap me" he wouldn't object. He went off on it more than the guy I was talking to was! The other guy was just like whatever. he was all like, he's "my boy" and all that, but not really, he had talked shit about this guy to me, and is generally more one of the girls than the guys. Trying to look tough and all that, but annoying because he is good friends with my and my female cousin so it's gay that he has to act all tough one minute and then is a big ****ing pussy the next.

I called him out on some shit, which probably wasn't the best thing to do b/c he threw me in my chair and walked out of the bar. Not hard, but made a spectacle. I knew I wasn't wrong, in what I said, but maybe the way I said it. I feel like he didn't really want to hear it, which is why he reacted the way he did. It sucks, but I'm not sure what to do.

Any ideas? I was trying to be a friend and be like, look, this is what u are pissing people off about, chill out, but now I'm the bad guy.

[Yggdrasil]

From what I see, he doesn't know how to respect boundaries.

In my opinion he needs professional help, and as long as he is convinced there's 'nothing wrong with him', it's pretty useless and a huge waste of energy to even try to deal with this guy.

I also think that everytime one goes into these verbal playfights with him, that he's being enabled (encouraged) to continue this particular behaviour.

Suggestion: why don't you go sit down with your friends (without him around) and agree to totaly IGNORE his 'playfight remarks'?

In other words: don't enable him.

You think that may work?

[misombra]

i stay far from people like that.

[vashti]

He threw you in a chair? Uhh, game over in my book. It isn't my job to fix broken people.

[Rollerderby]

Yggdrasil, thank you for your ideas. I agree with you, thats kind of how I felt afterwards, like I had the wind knocked out of me. I think you are right, better to ignore him than encourage him. My cousin was telling me before this how much he had been pissing her off lately and that she had had her fill of him. Oddly enough, before she joined us last night he was telling me how they had hung out so much in the last month, and gotten really tight, but then she totally disappeared in the last few weeks and he thought she was being a spaz. Obviously, I didn't tell him that I knew the real reason why, but after last night I don't blame her. I have trouble keeping my mouth shut when people just start pissing me off that hard. He was going on about how girls need to "understand" his sense of humor, but it's like, he goes way too far.

Their lease is up soon, I doubt any of us will be continuing the friendship after that.

Vash, he tipped me in my chair, I wasn't knocked over, but still the action of it... doesn't really matter if I fell over or not since the physical boundary had been crossed by him. He doesn't seem to have a problem getting physical with girls. I think I need to just keep my distance from him if I have to see him in social situations, and just go in prepared to bite my tongue and ignore.

[doppelgaenger]

Well I would be pretty damn pissed if some random girl spewed all over my bed spread.

But throwing someone is stepping over the line.

[Yggdrasil]

I think you are right, better to ignore him than encourage him.

Just to be on the clear side: I don't mean ignore him as a person. Sure, talk to him, have fun, have a normal conversation, but the moment he starts the "word play fighting" game, walk away. Do not respond or reply (don't enable). I think if everyone in his surroundings would do that, he'd quickly notice he's not getting the attention he is looking for.

Let's see if he indeed 'never' gets angry. Because I have this suspicion, that if nobody would play into his word games, he'd get mighty frustrated and would show the agression and anger he's trying to hide under the wordplay.

If he acts up because no one is falling for his game anymore, simply explain the boundary by saying: IF YOU act like this, I (or WE) WILL not respond to you.

I hope I am making sense with this.

[Junket]

First of all.

A girl who willingly gets shitfaced and throws up on my bed is a cunt.

Totally justified.

Second of all, why the hell are you "friends" with someone you'd be better of being enemies with?

[Gigabitch]

He needs an asskicking. What a chode.

Regardless of the roommate situation, he needs to be ostracized.

[Mish]

It sounds like you need a better circle of male friends in your life Derby

[Rollerderby]

This girl who puked on his bed he was trying to make out with til she passed out and puked, but then after moved he threw her puke bedspread on her face while she was passed out on the couch. Maybe it's just because I have a pussy, but I was shocked at his response.

IDK. I guess I'll gauge his reaction towards me next time I see him. If he acts like he is still pissed at me, I'll be cool, but not overly friendly. If he acts like nothing is wrong, I'll take your advice for the next time he wordplays Yggrdasil.

Mish, I have much better guy friend circles in my life. I am lucky that I don't have one main group, but a few good groups of people I can come and go from. I guess it's just natural to bitch. But I was not totally prepared for his reaction.

Fras, I'm sure you could come up with some great one-liners for enemy territory.

Thanks for the positive vibes.

[Cbrider]

Where does one find a friend like this?

[Rollerderby]

My cousin worked with him at a restaurant, and he needed a place to live, they had an open room.

[Lozenger]

Second of all, why the hell are you "friends" with someone you'd be better of being enemies with?

Aww come one, in the name of Christ, it is always better to be a friend to someone and not an enemy

[Junket]

Aww come one, in the name of Christ, it is always better to be a friend to someone and not an enemy

I don't believe in Christ so that doesn't apply.