Forwarning, this message is going to be a bit lengthy.
So I have known my boyfriend for 13 years, been best friends with him for 12 years, and we’ve been together for six years.
Two years ago he moved away and to a different school so we lost communication for a while; since we barely spoke to one another we broke up and just became friends.
The thing is; he had made two new best ‘female’ friends during the time we were still a couple but physically separated by distance and they hadn’t known about me at all.
His school moved into the same building as the school I graduated from. I visit my old school once in a while, so I ran into him at a Halloween party being held at the school. We started talking again and this one girl was following him everywhere like a lost puppy, constantly clinging to him; I thought it was his new girlfriend or something.
We started talking again and found that we both still cared about each other and so we started talking again and we got back together on my birthday.
Now we have been ‘back’ together for 7 months. I’m good friends with one of his female best friends, but the other female best friend doesn’t like me; sure she’s nice when my boyfriend’s there, but when he’s not watching, she’s constantly glaring at me, and behind my back she talks trash about me. Let’s name this girl ‘Donna’. This is the same girl that was at the Halloween party; the one clinging onto him like he was hers.
So I understand that she feels I was stealing her best friend from her at first since she didn’t know my bf and I had a long history, but it’s been over half a year, and you’d think by now that she’d back off and stop going after him. Plus, he has NEVER been hers, and she acts like I stole him from her!
I’ve told my boyfriend that Donna likes him and he doesn’t believe me; hell, everyone at my old school agrees that she’s WAY too close and clingy as ‘just a friend.’
I completely trust my boyfriend, but I don’t trust this Donna girl.
Whenever I leave his side, for even a second, she steals my spot and starts leaning all over him and pawing at him. I told my boyfriend I’m concerned about how clingy she is to him and he said that he’ll distance himself from her a little, but I haven’t seen any of this ‘distancing’. (he told me this 2 months ago)
Some friends, my boyfriend, and myself went to a party last week and Donna just wouldn’t stop pawing at my boyfriend. And whenever she touched him, she’d stare at me, like she was daring me to cause some drama over it and stop her right there. Whenever I was near my bf, she’d just be glaring at me constantly and watching us.
I’ve been so tempted to ask my boyfriend to stop being friends with her, but I’d feel awful if I forced him to stop being friends with someone; I don’t ever want him to feel like I’m trying to control him, but I’m so hurt and fed up with it. I’ve tried to overlook it and be patient, hoping she’d get the point he’s not hers and stop, but it seems she’s starting to get worse sometimes. After sitting there trying to wait patiently for my boyfriend to set down the boundaries, I’ve started breaking. I really can’t explain how much I’m hurt that he hasn’t even realized that it was hurting me and I’m just being quiet cause I thought he’d take care of it. 7 months and nadda.
So I spoke up about it again a week ago cause I couldn’t take it anymore, and again he said he’d set down boundaries, but still… no sign of these boundaries.
He thought I was asking him to stop being friends with her at first (I wish) but I told him I don’t want to control him and make him lose someone he calls friend; so I told him he needs to really set down some lines that his ‘friend’ shouldn’t be allowed to cross.
I’m so hurt about her constantly being all over him and him not doing anything or even noticing that she’s invading his space that I even told him I’d rather not see him at all than see a girl hanging all over him everytime I saw him. My aunt wants me to move to Paris with her, and I’m so tempted to take her offer… I would rather leave and be hurting alone than be with him and see that skank all over him and sit by with a fake smile on my face while on the inside I’m wanting to die. I don’t know what to do anymore… I’m so tired of putting up with that girl. But I don’t want to make him choose between his girlfriend or one of his best friends… please give me advice to what you think would be best.
[Note: I've recently told my boyfriend how much it hurts me and that I'm fed up with it...]