Whats her deal?

[DarkHelmet82]

OK a little background. My girldfriend and I have been dating for a couple months. Things are going great, and I couldnt be happier. She is however diagnosed with Bipolar stage 2.

Now heres the issue. Her and I were just hanging out on Saturday and were fooling around. Then all of a sudden she got really stressed, and became distant and quiet. I sensed this in her and therefore ended up acting the same way... as a result things got weird. I asked her a few times if something was wrong and she didnt say much. She slept over, and in the morning she said she was going home. I asked her if it was something I did, she said "no not really." She didnt even kiss me goodbye, I followed her outside and gave her a hug. She then told me she would call me later. About an hour later I texted her asking her if she would just call me when she was ready and that I was paranoid, she said she would.

I took this situation personally. How was I supposed to react? I took her mood swing as her way of saying it was something I did or said. She evenutally sent me a text apologizeing saying that she was just really stressed, but it will be ok soon (shes graduating with her masters in a week.)

Did I handle this properly? Is there something I can say or do to help her when she gets stressed out? Should I believe what she says or do you think theres something more to it then shes saying? Thank you.

[DarkHelmet82]

also should i bring it up again or just drop it?

[seganomics]

DON'T TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY!!! Agreement 2!

More than likely she just was stressed for an unrelated reason. Just let her know you're there to help with whatever you can, and remember not to take anything personally. That would cause more stress because if it's not you then your undermining the significance of what might be actually stressing her out. Clarify what's going and like I said offer what you can to help her de-stress.

If you don't take things personally you won't mirror her stress either which could also cause issues. Keep your head about you and everything will be fine.

[DarkHelmet82]

I know... i broke one of the rules ive been preaching... but it was hard not too, she left without saying much.

[seganomics]

that's where the poison starts though.

Also Bi-Polarity can cause people to withdraw. Sometimes you just have to wait it out and that's where the 2nd and 3rd agreements are so important. They aren't withdrawing to effect you personally.

Just kept reminding yourself and do your best and try again tomorrow.

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah well said. Thanks. I did take it personally and I did assume it was about me. Those in my opinion are the two agreements I have the hardest time with, but recognizing it is the first step i guess.

I guess at this point (as she has apologized, and I have too) I should drop it until it happens again right?

[seganomics]

look at you assuming it will happen again. Just kidding. if you can master not taking her stress personally it won't stress you out next time.

What I would do is ask if there's anything you can do...(or maybe even surprise her with a little candle or "relaxation" related trinket") and do your best to not speak with bitter words. Bringing it up is judging. Speak without sin "She deserves to be relaxed."

And if it happens again... Remember... clarify first. Don't assume it's about you... even if she says it is... remember... don't take it personally, because in reality it's something she's dealing with.

Right?

[DarkHelmet82]

Well said. I think she just doesnt handle stress well and she is stressed about her final paper. I like the relaxation thing though. I did give her a massage on saturday which she did enjoy. Everything is prettymuch back to normal now. I just want to be able to handle the situation better if it happens again thats all. Thanks

[seganomics]

follow the four agreements and I think you'll do great.

Good Luck!

[imagineallthe]

nothing personal=) anything could be going through her mind. bipolar is not easy, depression is not easy, emotions are not easy.. she could have a flash of "what if something happens between him and I", or "is life worth it?..."
It could be anything. Maybe she will share her thoughts with you after a while, but don't stress it and don't worry =)

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah it was just tough but i guess i should be more supportive.. she is a human after all not a robot.. people have emotions, and nobody is perfect.

[Horseyguy]

Step away from the cookie jar!!!

[DarkHelmet82]

horesguy what do u mean lol

[Horseyguy]

I mean don't go there

if she seems stressed just be supportive, maybe show some understand as in "Hey you ok? you seem a little tense is there anything I can do to help?" and just leave it at that

Don't take it personally, if it was about you she would tell you, and never ever ever tell her you are paranoid, you think you are the cause if it or whatever, just makes you look really insecure

If she's stressed out she needs to see you as strong not weak, times like that where nonchallance really is your friend, offer the support and then back up a bit

[DarkHelmet82]

ok thanks... we did smoke so that could have contributed to my paranoia... i dont think there was any damage done form me saying that... i will just be more aware and supportive next time..