Is being too busy a good excuse for a break-up?

[ellie]

He said he didn't want to have a relationship right now because he doesn't have time for a girlfriend.

He said he likes me and has feelings for me. Why does he hurt me then?

Is there really such a thing as being too busy for a relationship? Seems like bullshit to me. How can someone focus on their career when they meet someone they care about?

Can someone explain this to me? Can you really be too busy to have a relationship? Or is he just lying when he tells me he was/is interested in me.

Why would he lead me on to begin with if he didn't want to get involved with anyone right now? He says he just meant to be friends with me, at the same time he admits considering me as a girlfriend.


Can someone explain?

I think my heart just fell into pieces.

[Yggdrasil]

In my opinion (and I have stated this in another thread before) there is no such thing as not enough time for a relation.

I am a career person to, but I MAKE time for my wife and kids. My marriage will always be my number one priority.

Granted, I have days that I work 12, 14 sometimes 16 hours, the wife and kids understand that. But even then, I still make a little bit of time to let my wife know that I love her, even if it's only in the form of a note left behind on the kitchen counter.

My family knows that when they need me, I will be there for them.

They also know that the weekends are OURS and no amount of work will change that.

Furthermore they know, that no matter how busy I am, if it's an emergency, they can come to me, any day, any time.

So, in my opinion, it's all a matter of priorities. Sometimes things can wait, sometimes things have to be taken care of right away, depending on the situation.

But you can't tell me that even someone with a busy schedule, can't find even 1 minute in 24 hours to send a little txt message, make a quick phone call or leave a little note stating something to the extend of: "I love you."

That's a bullshit excuse.

My advice: get rid of the loser, he's married to his work. You deserve better.

[12many]

In my opinion (and I have stated this in another thread before) there is no such thing as not enough time for a relation.

I am a career person to, but I MAKE time for my wife and kids. My marriage will always be my number one priority.

Granted, I have days that I work 12, 14 sometimes 16 hours, the wife and kids understand that. But even then, I still make a little bit of time to let my wife know that I love her, even if it's only in the form of a note left behind on the kitchen counter.

My family knows that when they need me, I will be there for them.

They also know that the weekends are OURS and no amount of work will change that.

Furthermore they know, that no matter how busy I am, if it's an emergency, they can come to me, any day, any time.

So, in my opinion, it's all a matter of priorities. Sometimes things can wait, sometimes things have to be taken care of right away, depending on the situation.

But you can't tell me that even someone with a busy schedule, can't find even 1 minute in 24 hours to send a little txt message, make a quick phone call or leave a little note stating something to the extend of: "I love you."

That's a bullshit excuse.

My advice: get rid of the loser, he's married to his work. You deserve better.

dude. so you said the weekend is YOUR time with your family. what if your spending time with your family during the weekends and your work called you. they're asking you to come in asap because the guy that was assigned to do the project for the company flaked and quit and you were the only one left to do the project. you are the only one informed about the project and you were the one that lead it. (assuming that its a two man project). Also, this project is important to the company. your decision can lead to you being fired or you being promoted. what would you do? would you tell your boss you cant or would you tell your family that we have to cut today short.

[maryld]

I don't think it is a good excuse AT all. I recently went out with a guy who was super busy, he did try and see me once a week but I was also busy and after 6 weeks of not being able to see each other I think he pretty much gave up.

However, he didn;t tell me this, i just thought him cooling off was becuse he was extra busy with work and I didn;t want to seem overly clingy or needy, so i gave him a LOT of space and didn;t continually try and contact him etc. Well, he was busy, courting another woman who he got engaged to 3 months later.

Guys are never to busy for someone who is important in their life....people make time, whether it be a 5 minute phone converstaion or a sweet text message.

[Yggdrasil]

dude. so you said the weekend is YOUR time with your family. what if your spending time with your family during the weekends and your work called you. they're asking you to come in asap because the guy that was assigned to do the project for the company flaked and quit and you were the only one left to do the project. you are the only one informed about the project and you were the one that lead it. (assuming that its a two man project). Also, this project is important to the company. your decision can lead to you being fired or you being promoted. what would you do? would you tell your boss you cant or would you tell your family that we have to cut today short.

Dude, the answer to that is a big fat NO.

It's really not my problem some people don't know how to say no.

Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. Bottom line.

If my boss can't handle that, that's also his problem. I'm not his slave now does he own me.

Talk to you on Monday, because my cell phone is off and I am not home.

Moral of the story: I always can have the same job at another company, I never can have the same spouse in another marriage.

[vashti]

I think that YES, someone can be too busy for a relationship. There are only so many hours in a day, and only a fraction of it can be devoted to developing/maintaining bonds with other people, especially if one is careeer-minded, as is the case with many young males who intend to climb the corporate ladder, or are involved in a field where your time doesn't really belong to you (like medicine).

That being said, I think it is entirely possible that you require too much time (or at least, more time than he is willing to spare). He may have time for a girl that requires less attention. I think he did you a great kindness in telling you, rather than continue to date you and have you whine about him not being available. Now you are free to find someone who is willing to devote more time to you. Either that, or it's possible he just doesn't like you, and is trying to let you down easy.

It might be helpful to know what he does for a living, and whether or not he is (additionally) still in school.

[ellie]

He's graduated one year ago or so, and just finished another university course in order to stand a better chance on the job market.

I am telling you the exact words, he said to me: "I prefer being single right now, I am right now trying not to get involved with anyone as I want to focus on my career entirely. I cant dedicate my time to anyone else. I am sorry"

Then I called it off, told him I never wanted to hear from him again ever.

Then he sent me an email back telling me he never had any intentions of being anything more than friends - which is bullshit!! I am not stupid. I could tell from his eyes that he had feelings for me. I saw in his eyes something more than friendship feelings. And he admits he's "thought about being more than friends" But he cant dedicate his time and bla bla bla



Now he is begging me to be friends with him again, he just talked to my best friend asking her for advice telling her how sorry he is to loose me as his friend etc etc.


I am not going to take him back as a friend, I want nothing from him. Am I doing the right thing?

How can he be so cold and then be down on his knees asking me to still be friends?

[Yggdrasil]

A friend.. or a safety net?

Maybe this guy thinks emotional roller coasters are fun.

Would you enjoy the ride?

Of course you're doing the right thing... you don't need that kind of crap in your life.

[sanka78]

That’s why I believe it is extremely important to know what a guy wants in a relationship, and the earliest the better. It saves a lot of heartaches.

[LoveFish]

If he really loved you and wanted a relationship then he wouldn't be using work/ too busy as an excuess.

I don't think he is man enough to look you in the eys and tell you that he just isn't interested. He is searching for excueses.

So sorry =(

[doppelgaenger]

"I'm too busy for a relationship" means his priorities are too ****ed up to maintain a healthy relationship with you, and that he is not capable of making you happy.

[love82]

sounds very much like "he's not really into you"... who has no time for the one you love..

[Junket]

So he doesn't feel like having to worry about another person.

I don't blame him.

[Joker]

my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because she was too busy...

hadn't been out with her in probably over a month because she priotises work and her family...she said I should be in a relationship where I'm not being disappointed constantly and treated better...

still upset about it though

[dazzled]

Is there really such a thing as being too busy for a relationship? Seems like bullshit to me. How can someone focus on their career when they meet someone they care about?

Just a guess, but I would assume that this might be associated with a certain age group/bracket. I can certainly see a group of young adults making the choice between career launch/start/whatever and relationship- letting things lift off before they start caring for someone else. But its all dependent on the person and the situation. Mind if I ask how old this person is?