Hi, this is my first post so here it goes..
Basically I was with my girlfriend for 2.5 years which isn't a lot but to me it was everything! We were only 16 when we got together and quickly fell in love, she wasn't just my girlfriend she was also honestly my best friend and I would have done anything for her. Occasionaly we had the odd arguement and kinda broke up for a coule of days (sometimes hours lol) but one day around september 2009 she decided to break it off after 2.5 years.
The week leading upto it was pretty rough with random arguements, the kind that started over nothing and ended up with us insulting each other. At first I thought nothing of it and we got back together for ONE day then she broke it off again saying that she only said yes because she felt sorry for me! It wasn't like a typical break up where the person tells you its not your fault and your a great person etc, she told me that she was basically bored of me and wanted to experience sex with "random guys" and just wanted to enjoy her life before she commited to a relationship. At this point I felt like I was being eating alive inside, it was one of the worst moments of my life. She later tells me that she was choosing between me and this other guy which im sure should be something you keep to yourself! She was introduced to this guy by her friend and she was hanging around with him and invited him into her home even before she broke up with me!
She never got with him though as she soon found out he was a complete dick, I personally feel I wasn't giving her enough attention and he was. I somehow let this slide and we kept in contact, I tried repeatidly to get back with her as deep down I knew she loved me but she kept saying things like I wasn't "outgoing enough". I felt so low at this point and I ended up going clubbing with my mates around twice and week to help forget about it and _try_ to move on, which I did by making out with a couple of random girls that my friends introduced me to. I thought this would have helped but I really felt akward and guilty because I still loved her despite what she did.
Eventually she tried came back to me and basically broke down crying and wanted to get back with me, I know I made the biggest mistake ever at this point and I REALLY regret it but I turned her down I was soo angry and her for the way she basically ripped me apart. I tried to do what she did and said that I wanted to be single and didn't want to be with her for a while. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing but I really wasn't, I was hoping it would make her see what she had done to me but it didn't work. One week later she deleted me as a friend on facebook and then re-added me, when I accepted I noticed she was now in a "relationship" with someone!! I don't know if this was a cry for attention or what but I didn't care I just wanted her back before she did something she regretted! Countless times I tried to talk to her and asked her to come round to cut my hair which she did but she had such an attitude towards me and she just didn't want to hear it, she just wanted to do the cut and leave. We stopped talking at this point. I don't even need to tell you how this felt and how I reacted!!
This was my second HUGE mistake which happened about 2 month later, there was a girl from my university that I knew liked me and she kissed me at house party. I wasn't interested in her and wasn't looking for anything with anyone, we started hanging out and spending time together as we shared a big group of friends anyway. I even shared the same bed as her several times. She really helped me, it was nice to have the female "best friend" back in my life but I feel bad because she saw me kinda like a boyfriend and I am a complete asshole for not making this clear to her. We kissed a few times but nothing intense (didn't even use tounges) and one night she tried to have sex with me and and I made excuses and said no, she went down and me for a few seconds and and I started to touch her but I had to stop it, it just wasn't right! It would have helped me get over my ex but it seriously didn't feel right and I didn't want her to feel used or anything. At this point we started to loose touch as she must have felt rejected. During this time there were obviously a lot of facebook comments exchanged between me and this girl and a few pictures of us together at parties/clubs etc. My ex saw this and must have thought we were together and its easy to see why.
Around the end of November me and my ex got back together and it felt so good, her breaking up with me had basically ruined my start to university and I really felt like now we were back together I could really be happy and carry on with everthing. However when we were about to have sex I asked her if she had done it with anyone else, I kind of knew she already had and she eventually admitted to it. I felt like I had yet again been ripped apart, this feeling was worse than any other. The reason I had a feeling she had already done it was because a couple of weeks prior to this she told me how she stayed "at her mate Ryan's house" and I basically guessed from that what had happened. It was just so much worse when she actually admitted to it, after she left I broke down in tears yet again. Once she had confirmed it, it was worse as it was then clear to me that she was basically rubbing it in that she had spent the night with someone else as she mentioned it on several occasions and I cannot stand to think that we had started talking again during the time that she did it.
I really regret her thinking that I was with that other girl but it was at this time that she had sex with someone else! The worse part for me is that she had casual sex with someone she wasn't even seeing and she could't see how it was a big deal. She also couldn't see how it was a big deal that they didn't use protection as she was on contraception!! I had to basically beg her to get an STI and HIV check, her excuse was "she didn't have any symptons"!!! She tells me that she regrets it and I believe her but I just can't stand it and I think about it most nights, I have even dreamed about it! I have daydreams during lectures and just can't concentrate sometimes! We have been back together about 2 months now and I just cant get over it! I just cant stand the fact that she let someone take advantage and use her like that, she had no respect for her body and her well being and I really didn't think she was like that!
I know there is nothing I can do about it as we were both "single" and I know its my fault for letting her think I was with someone but I really don't know what to do! We lost it to each other but now because of some random meaningless tw*t I feel like that special bond we had has gone and it just feels like there is something missing in our relationship. I love her with all my heart and I don't want to loose her but im really at a loose end, its killing me. I have tried talking to her about it and she basically tells me that she regrets the way she treated me and everything she did but I just need to get over it, this is true I know.
Sorry for the long rant and everything but if you have any comments or suggestions I would be very greatful! I just really need and outsiders perspective really.
Thanks