My french bofriend of 2 years had asked my hand for marriage. We both love each other, both in our 30's, single, stable and ready for having a family together.
Although we do not need to get married to be together, which we both like very much to happen for the rest of our lives, we choose to anyway because I primarily want to, and for him, he cannot have me legally stay here in France without this.
However, there's a hitch, he wants a prenup and I don't. Here's why we differ.
He is French and has considerably more assets than me. In France, more than half of the marriages end up in Divorce. In most divorce cases, it is usually the woman who initiates it. His mother left him and his father when he was 9 years old. More to that, his parents are now happily with other people, and yet not married still, even after retirement...
On my part, I come from Philippines, the only country left which doesn't have a divorce. In the absence of divorce, people who need to be separated either get annulments or just separate without the legalities, but there is no option for remarriage under this. However, only 1.0% of our population identified themselves as separated. My parents had celebrated 30 years of happy marriage, and I've witnessed the rocky slopes and the times when my mother wanted to live, but didn't. This worked out ultimately for all of family in the end.
Coming from such different backgrounds, we need to compromise. But I hesitate to enter discussions with french lawyers about which percentage of the assets he can retain in case we get divorced. First, i will not be represented here, coming from a country with no divorce laws.
But more importantly, my primary reason for not agreeing to all of this is becuase of it's potential to damage our marraige even before it began.I fear treating our marriage like a business deal, and instead of partners, we become adversaries. I am uncomfortable with the notion of entering into a marriage with the prospect of Divorce already looming largely in the horizon. This step is by itself already slowly chipping away our marriage before it is started, and i think that because we are preparing for it, even putting it in writing and signing for it, then a divorce is more likely to happen.
As a filipina, I put foremost priority in our future family and remaining intact, for better or for worse, and I have no motivation whatsoever to divorce from him so I can get the money, as most men would like to believe. It is an insult for me, and as much as we love each other, I am willing to turn down the marriage proposal because I feel that the marriage won't work. I've voiced this concern to him but he cannot also reconcile the fear of being left alone in the future, with me robbing him off his money and children.
I feel like I am preparing myself for marriage and he is preparing himself for a divorce.
We both love each other but have such differing views, how can we reconcile?