Originally Posted by
okapa
The problem is that sometimes I don't see her put too much effort in seeing me. I know most of her friends since I've been in her school before and they all say (even some who are close to me, who wouldn't lie) that she seems very happy lately and that she is always talking about me, but sometimes I just don't see it... Her best friend also tells me that she is always afraid to lose me as she thinks I'm too good for her, and she has talked to me about this, 3 times or something like that.
Each flavor has it's own unique acquired taste.., an insecure girlfriend is not always a bad thing.., if you learn how to keep her insecurities under control.., and maybe go on to help her overcome them.., things can work out..
Sounds like she feels the same way.., and even more so than you do (because she's insecure).., she calls you up to tell you that she's going to the hairstylist.., then calls you to tell you that it's canceled.., and waits for you to ask.., she waits.., and waits.., and waits.., and so do you.., and that's the problem..
You both have competing interests.., the need to feel loved and appreciated.., the need to feel wanted.., blah blah blah..
When she stops talking.., you think.., "gosh.., she doesn't even make any effort in trying to hang out with me.., she didn't even try to see if i'm doing anything or if she can come and we can hang out.., blah blah"
When you stop talking.., she thinks.., "gosh.., he didn't ask me to hang out.., even though I told him that i'm not doing anything else.., it's like he doesn't even care.., ugh.., guys.., they have no feelings.., I swear.., totally insensitive.., they only think about themselves!"
It took me a while to figure out how to go about this.., and here's how:
Why do you want to see her take the effort and want to see you? Is it because you would like to feel that she cares about you? Has feelings for you? Would it make you feel loved? Would someone who didn't love you.., or have feelings for you.., or care about you.., be dating you? (if you answer: "yes" just for sex.., then.., apply that answer to taking the effort in wanting to see you as well.., just to have sex).., and when that person accepts the offer to spend time with you.., and spends meaningful time with you.., what does that say about them? Would someone who doesn't care do that? Would someone who doesn't have feelings for you do that? Would someone who doesn't like you.., do that?
One of you.., eventually needs to understand this.., and even more eventually.., is BOTH of you..
When you call her up and ask her to hang out.., it's not like she says "no".., she says "yes".., it's just that she wants you to call her.., and she doesn't want to make the offer herself.., she wants to enjoy the concept and idea of YOU wanting HER.., offering and asking HER to come out with YOU somewhere.., rather than the other way around.., it feeds into her need to feel loved.., and this is an insecurity that plagues not just little girls.., but everyone to some degree.., however big or small that may be..
If it really bothers you.., or you want it to stop.., then you can go up to her.., and re-frame via role-reversal:
- Explain: you know she likes you.., and you really like her too.., but you just want to hear it or see it sometimes.., like when she calls you to tell you that her hairstylist appointment got canceled.., that you want her to ask you to hang out.., or at least ask if you're doing anything during the day.., to show that you care.. blah blah blah
- Warning: The court of law.., and the court of woman.., work differently.., and in the court of woman.., if you bring forth a case.., with no emotional blackmail (guilt).., or other forms of emotional (evidence.., proof.., firepower).., then your case will be rejected.., if you make the case.., she.., (the judge).., will hit you back with:
"Well.., how come you never call me.., or whenever I call you.., how come you never ask me to hang out.., blah blah blah?"
To avoid that little nuisance.., just take the first step.., and comfort her insecurity a little bit first.., THEN make your case to her..
Best,
GrkScorp
If you can't stop the Wind, then you can't stop the Storm.