It happened again!!

[SONOIL]

I was datingthis girl for three and a half years, we got engaged and were planning for the wedding. Than she started behaving weird: calling me less often, being bitchy to me and judging me for any little shit she could find about me.

I love her so much so I would let it slide every time and tried to work things out with her. One day I was going home form work and she called me, i could tell something was about to happen by her voice, so I asked her what was going on? She said that she wasn't happy and that she was this and that and to cut it short for her I just asked her straight out "So you wanna leave?" And she said yes.

That how it ended. We didn't talk for about three weeks than she called me and told me that she felt bad about going like this, and that it wasn't right but she just wasn't happy with me and stuff like that. I forgot to mention one thing-we have long distance relationship, She lives in New York, I live in Chicago.

So anyway, after she called me we sort of start talking again once in a while, time to time I would ask her about us and if she wanted to get back together and she would get mad and upset evrytime we've talked about it, I couldn't take it anymore so I packed up and went to New York to tell her that I still love her very much and to get things straight. It was a surprise visit andat first she was very mad at me for that, but after we talked she agreed to go back together.

That was on November 2nd of 2005. She used to say before that she wasn't shure if I love her or if I'm being sencire, but after my visit we were so crazy in love again,we were happy again.... We started planning for the wedding and everything was going normal until three days ago. It feels like she's roasting me again for any small little crap, like we were gonna live in Chicago and she was more than happy mo move, now she's talking about buying a house in New York, she just talks and looks for any little crap to sabotage our relationship again.

Like I said, three days ago she told me that I'm not serious enough about our future life together, I told her that we gonna buy house here in Chicago or condo or somethingshe started arguing with me, that may be it would be better to move to NY, and I told her that we a little far from that moment now ( we were planning our wedding on October on next year), whe we'll be around that time, we will see what going to more comfortable for us and more affordable.

She just said that "You not being serious,you think like a little child, we have to plan things ahead, when you think you serious call me back!" and she hungup the phone. It's been three days now since she did that and we didn't talk since then.

Well I called her back, we talked a little and then she had to go. After a while she called me back the same day and said that she loves me, so we were normal again for acouple of months.

We started planning our wedding again and pretty much nothing major happened, we were normal, like I said. We set our date for the wedding on October 8th of this year and i was going to rent the reception place and everything. About four days ago she called me and said that she found nice townhouse in NY, and she really wanted to get it so she asked my approval, and I told her that things like that don't happen over night and that this is a long time financial commitment, plus I told her that after we get married, we can apply for grant for first time buyers.

She went on and found out more stuff about that house and called me back. She said that this house wasnt on any grant program, then she said that I could sell my car ('03 VOLVO S80 T6) so we can put some money down. I said that I will have money after the wedding, she got all upset and bitchy and start yelling at me that we need house befor the wedding and start mentioning something about my past (I had to declare bankruptcy about two years ago)

And that I drove myself into and now it's going to be a problem to buy a house and stuff, and I tried to tell her that my things getting better and my credit score is 650 already and that I do have money down, I just want to do this after our wedding. Then she said that she's tired of this crap and she said that this was it. "what do you mean I asked her?" and she said that we were thru.

Now, she already did that to me in the past and after we went back together I told her that I belive that I showed her enough that I love her and if she' gonna do it again, theres nothing in the world going to bring us together again, so, I told her, next time you say that make sure you mean it. Yet she did it again. I still love her very much but I feel so betrayed.... It's been four days now, and i'm not planning to fix thing up, but i think i will get confuse in case she call me. What should I do people?? Please advise... how can I make her be serious?? Thanx for all of your replys!!!

[Bigg Boss]

Have you posted this before? I remember reading the first part.

But there are no paragraphs or line breaks. I don't really feel like trying to read that right now...

[Rosebud]

I agree. I think this was posted before and several people gave you very good advice, myself included.

[SONOIL]

Yes it was posted before, but theres continuation of the story.

[Rosebud]

Well I hate to say it but she sounds like too much a goody two shoes, and if you don't do things her way she gets upset. Is she the type that had everything handed to her when she wanted it? Sounds like to me.

All this stuff is a sign to you. If you can put up with this stuff now, do you want to continue to deal with all these things down the road and after your married? Yes it could be about simple things like what house your going to buy and where? But when she starts telling you, you need to sell your car to buy a house for the two of you, what is she giving up to get this house? All in all, you have to look at these things your dealing with now and determine if you can live with these types of things later in life. Even if you remedy these things now, this seems to be the type of person she is which I said the first time you posted a problem with this girl.

[SONOIL]

Thank you rosebud, that is exactly what I thought. I would take her back if she changes, but.... What if she'll call me all crying and bagging for forgiveness.... where's the guarantee she won't do it again??

[Perd]

Why do you allow her to have so much control over the situation. It seems like she is willing to drop you even if she has a bad day or doesnt get her way. You wanna have this type of thing going through your head all the time? "What if I do this and she doesnt like it, will she still be with me?" The distancing herself and all of a sudden nit picking every small thing just sounds like she doesn't care for you like she did before. I know it has been like that in my past. When I was kind of up in the air on whether or not I wanted to be with a gf, I would distance myself and get annoyed MUCH easier with small things. I would be quicker to snap back when it wasn't really needed. It all changes when the feelings aren't there anymore. Just my $.02

[Rosebud]

Thank you rosebud, that is exactly what I thought. I would take her back if she changes, but.... What if she'll call me all crying and bagging for forgiveness.... where's the guarantee she won't do it again??

The thing you have to realize is this, unless one sees something in themself they have to change, they never will. Even if you tell her these things, unless she truly understands she will never change, not to mention she probably doesn't want to as she's used to getting her way by these traits.

Ok so she's calls you begging for forgiveness, the reason she would want forgiveness would be because she didn't want to change and you broke it off (otherwise things would be good), do you really think she realized after that she doesn't want to get her way anymore? She's a manipulator and guarentweed she will call you apologizing, but it will be only because she would benefit not because she really wants to change. So on that note, can you handle that again? And I'm sorry but I don't think she's for you hun!

[SONOIL]

Well. She's a nice girl. She grew up without father, and her mother not one of the best either. I post of understand her in a way. But i agree with you, she need's to grow up. How can i help her to change?? I just don't want to give up yet. Any suggestions??

[Rosebud]

The only tihng I can say hun, is to tell her your worries about all this and how it makes you feel. Really have a heart to heart with her but in no way accuse her or attack her. Just tell her how you've been feeling lately and what she has said to make you feel that way and then tell her how much it bothers you. BUT, make sure you don't attack or put all the blame on her..just talk it out without getting angry, if you sense she's getting angry then comfort her a little and tell her you just need to get tis off your chest and you want to know how she feels about all this.

I say that because even though this is something she is doing that is wrong, to address someone that they are wrong and attack them, they will get defensive and not listen to you at all. So you have to have the right approach to all this.

[Bluevetteracer]

Have you posted this before? I remember reading the first part.

But there are no paragraphs or line breaks. I don't really feel like trying to read that right now...

HEY IS THIS DERAILING THE THREAD, ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING, MODERATORS, WHERE ARE YOU?

[Only-virgins]

HEY IS THIS DERAILING THE THREAD, ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING, MODERATORS, WHERE ARE YOU?

Shudup with this crap, you post it everywere.

[SONOIL]

Well, like I said, I'm not planning to call her anymore. If she calls me, I'll have conversation with her. I have though in the past, and wasn't really blaiming her, but she always start being mad and tell me that I turn everything around and it looks like she's the one to blame for. Anyways, I agree with you guys, she's a psycho!

[funsounds]

DROP THE *****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no, i'm not being flippant. i'm dead serious. she's a ****in headache...a basketcase. you need to be with an adult that is sane.

[SONOIL]

Thank You Funsound. That's all I need right now, an inspiration! Well, she's only 18 after all.