screwed up completely ...

[theone2k7]

i guess first of all i should point out that the relationship was an online one, with a girl i never met in person. just to get that out of the way. now you can read the rest of what im gonna say with that knowledge already planted firmly in your head.

now what happened ... i met this girl through a website i had, she posted in the guestbook about something she thought i should add to the site. so i emailed her about it, for a better idea of what she thought. i didnt email her for any reason other than that and i never expected to talk to her beyond that, but we did. we added each other to msn and we spoke alot, and i mean alot. there were days where we just spoke for most of the day, not about anything in particular. we did that for a few months and we grew quite close, and one day she told me that she loved me. i knew that i felt the same way so i told her the same thing.

everything was going well for a while, until she kinda started closing off from me. it started one day when she told me she wanted to end it because of the distance. at the time we were both students and neither of us could afford what it would cost to travel to see each another. anyway we talked about it and in the end she decided that she didnt want us to break up. after that things were different, she'd have things going on in her life that she just wouldnt tell me about, when she used to tell me everything. and it just got worse, it would seem like something was wrong with her all the time, and she kept hiding it from me. everytime id ask she'd say that she couldnt tell me yet, and i accepted that, at least that was what i told her. it killed me that something was wrong and she wouldnt let me help her. another thing it managed was to make me doubt her, from then i found it hard to believe that she felt as deeply for me as she said she did, as deeply as i felt for her. that created tension, something wrong with me that i didnt want to tell her about. in the end i told her though, i couldnt keep lying and acting like i was fine so i told her that i was doubting the way she felt about me. needless to say she was upset about that, but we talked, she reassured me that she did feel deeply for me, as deeply as she always had, and we carried on, still without her telling me what was wrong. anyway one day, less than a month later she decided to tell me that she'd met someone, a guy, and that he'd asked her out. i knew things weren't working between us and i was struggling with it all so we finished. it hurt and was something i didnt want to do but i had to.

after that i couldnt keep talking to her cos i wanted to move on, so i blocked her on msn. drastic but i felt like i had to do it. a couple of months later, on valentines day of all days she sent me a text saying she missed me and that she'd like to talk to me again. idiot that i was i did it, i unblocked her and we started chatting again, as friends. even though she wanted to get back in contact with me it was always me making the first move, starting the conversation, finding things to talk about. it was like although she missed talking to me, she didnt really care if she did. i carried on with it for a while until she stopped logging onto the net. we texted sometimes, taking turns at sending the first one, and we kept like that for a year or so. i didnt have the net at home anyway so i couldnt talk to her with that. eventually i did get it back though.

one day i was messing about, bored, and i decided to do a search for her on google and i found a blog which she wrote when we were "together". in it she wrote about the guy who asked her out, but she wrote about him as her boyfriend in entries dated at the same time we were supposed to be "together". so she was seeing him while she was telling me how much she loved me and all that. she started going out with him the same day she wanted to finish with me but then decided not to, the day where everything started going downhill. so id found out what was wrong with her all that time. i emailed her and asked her to tell me, honestly, if she was going out with him at the same time as me and she replied saying no. i sent her the link for the blog and she changed her mind, saying that she was but that she didnt think it was gonna last with him. i was pissed off, well pissed off, and i told her, i said that i couldnt believe she lied to me and all that kinda stuff. i sent the email and stopped talking to her, even ignoring the reply she sent.

then about 3 months ago (about a year after finding out shed been with the other guy the same time as me) she sent an email saying she missed me and that she wanted to get back in touch. well like the prick i am i replied saying id like to get back in touch with her, as if everything had been forgotten, but it was still knawing away in my head. i didnt have the net at home so we emailed each other a few times when i went to the local library to use the comps. then i got the net back about a month or so ago and we started talking again with msn. it quickly went back to old ways though, me having to make the first move, and alot of the time id say something and not get a reply for over 10 minutes, if at all. then last week i was talking to her and id said something which after 15-20 mins i still hadnt got a reply to so i said, and i quote "i ****in give up", and i signed off. since then i havent spoken to her and she hasnt said anything to me either. even now though im having to fight the urge to open a chat window and talk to her. wtf is wrong with me? shes jerked me around so much since i started chatting to her and still i keep going back for more. why?

thanks

[misombra]

quit talking to her. she's got a man, sorry.

[vashti]

I don't know why you keep this up. Don't you know that online "relationships" are just for fun? They aren't real. She wants someone in the flesh. Don't you?

[Gigabitch]

You need to go out and meet real girls. Like, right now. There's no reason to stop yourself from chatting with her, or not, or whatever seems to please her at that moment, but it shouldn't be confused with having a relationship.

Think of her as living on the Moon or something. You can talk to her, but you'll never, and I mean never, be with her. She is not your girlfriend. She is not real.

Go find someone else.

[tmis_]

Save your time and cut all contact with her right now.

Your situation is the same as the one I went through. I met a guy, we were more than 200 km apart. We talked on msn for 7 months. It felt good to have someone but at the same time, I isolated myself from the outside, real world because of him.

Blocking him was the best thing that happened to me. At that time I thought I was "in love" and all that but once I got over the silly infatuation I realized it was nothing but a joke. You do not love the person but your own idea of how that person is like. The girl you talk to on the net and the actual girl are two different things. You have to realize this, delete her from your life and go out to meet real people.

[theone2k7]

were not in a "relationship" or whatever an online thing can be called, that finished ages ago. and i know shes got a boyfriend, i accept that and im fine with it, its just that i want to carry on talking to her. i wanna know her but no matter how much she makes me think she wants the same she does the opposite. like i said, she emailed me saying she wanted to get back in contact but she doesnt talk to me when she has the chance. i know i should just forget about it and give up but i cant help it. i must be an idiot or something, i just cant help it. i have feelings for her and maybe they are false but ive come to terms with the fact that nothings gonna happen, i just wanna carry on knowing her. but as i said, she says she wants to talk to me but she doesnt. i know that if i just walk away without there being a proper end, a proper unarguable reason for doing it itll make it harder. what should i do?

[Gigabitch]

Oh, just wait a while. She'll come back. She always has, right?