in a bit of a pickle...

[GiantTurtle]

hey guys i had stopped looking at this forum for a while but i have a slight problem and i didnt know where else to turn.
so ive been friends with a girl for a while, lets call her "nicky". One day me and nicky got drunk. i ended up staying at her place to crash for the night since i missed my ride home but this somehow led to sex. So this was the first time her and me had sex. we talked about what happened the night before and concluded that we had no feelings for each other and that we just made a bad decision. This eventually led to friends without benefits. we ended up having sex more frequently. she said she didnt have any feeling for me and i knew i had no feelings for her. we were pretty much in it for the sex. now a few months later she tells me she might have feelings for me. The thing is i seriously have no feelings for this girl. she keeps calling me when shes drunk and starts crying telling me she loves as a friend but might actually like me and that she doesnt want to get her heart broken. I simply tell her that i dont have any feelings for her beyond that of a friend. I dont know how to deal with this situation i dont know what to tell her. so far all ive said is that i have no feelings for her and to figure out what she actually feels then to tell me when she is sober.
please help

[QueenofCorona]

You gotta be honest with her, tell her its not that she's not unattractive to you or anything but you just don't see her as anything more than a friend. Also, gotta stop hooking up with her. Thats gotta stop. I wouldn't completely stop hanging out with her, just no more hooking up.

[Doc Durian]

hey guys i had stopped looking at this forum for a while but i have a slight problem and i didnt know where else to turn.
so ive been friends with a girl for a while, lets call her "nicky". One day me and nicky got drunk. i ended up staying at her place to crash for the night since i missed my ride home but this somehow led to sex. So this was the first time her and me had sex. we talked about what happened the night before and concluded that we had no feelings for each other and that we just made a bad decision. This eventually led to friends without benefits. we ended up having sex more frequently. she said she didnt have any feeling for me and i knew i had no feelings for her. we were pretty much in it for the sex. now a few months later she tells me she might have feelings for me. The thing is i seriously have no feelings for this girl. she keeps calling me when shes drunk and starts crying telling me she loves as a friend but might actually like me and that she doesnt want to get her heart broken. I simply tell her that i dont have any feelings for her beyond that of a friend. I dont know how to deal with this situation i dont know what to tell her. so far all ive said is that i have no feelings for her and to figure out what she actually feels then to tell me when she is sober.
please help

Why would you intimately connect with someone you could never see as more than just friends? I have to ask this, sorry.

If you were in it just for an easy empty out, why not go to the pro's and save yourself all this stress and heartache?

If you could regularly have sexual intimacy with a friend, that shows that you both have more than just sex, or opposing genders in common.

Whether one or both of you realize this at the same time, or in measures, I think you should take time for yourself to explore how you feel and why.

She appears to have been struggling with this question longer than you. Women tend to do that more often than not.

Can you sleep with her yet find her so unsuitable of a mate to say that you have no feelings for her?

If you do absolutely have no feelings for her; don't ever intimately touch her again.

If you can't help but to intimately touch her, re-examine yourself.... you may be deceiving yourself.. and her.

It's beyond looks, college degrees, stations in life, or whatnot...

When you're drawn to someone enough to be intimate.. (even if you're just horny and looking for the easy option), there's something in all of that.

I witnessed a curvy hot young thing in skinnies two seats besides me and my son in the movie theatre tonight throw her legs over and plant her bare feet inches away from my torso on a number of occasions. (when she wasn't putting them on the seat ahead of her within inches of another persons head).

That's not intimate...that's gross.

So I told her after 3 incidents, "Would you mind not putting your monkey feet near my face. You should Nappysan your thongs and learn some social etiquette."

She countered with (first to her timid BF), "didya just hearr whatz he sad2me" (inflections all indicative) then with a "fuk orf, tozzer" towards me.

I could never be friends with such a wreck of a human being...much less lay conduit in her youthfully earthed trenches.

YET you're sleeping with a mate.

How is it that I and many others can summarily dismiss unsuitable types at a whim, yet you sleep with someone you're worried about over getting too close?

[GiantTurtle]

@ Doc durian, thank you for your reply it helped me think about this a bit deeper.

"Why would you intimately connect with someone you could never see as more than just friends? I have to ask this, sorry."

To be honest, I dont know why we kept this going. The first time could be blamed on stupid decisions but as for the other times, it is hard for me to answer this question. There were a couple of factors at the time which may have led up to this situation which in short, are that I was on the rebound and she was having some issues with some guy she was having a lot of feelings over. I agree with you that people shouldnt sleep with others unless they have some feelings for them. I realize that in saying this I come off as a hypocrite. I have asked myself if I have feelings for this girl and I don't feel like I do, maybe there is something that i am not seeing. She is a very good friend of mine one of the best and i value her friendship a lot which is why I dont want to keep this going, for fear that I will lose a friend which will be if anything extremely hard to replace. A few months back she asked me to stay over at her place, i told her that i dont think we should be sleeping together for the same reason i have just outlined so i decided not to stay, she was very upset about this but i told her i thought it was for the best. we were not intimate at all for the next 2 months but last week there was a snow storm while i was still in class and the means by which i get home were closed off so i had no way to get home, she offered me to stay at her place and the rest goes without saying.
I think that she is a great person and a great friend but we have too many things uncommon for us to be together. Shes told me multiple times that I am not her type of guy whatsoever and that she honestly sees me just as a friend. She says she has this really strong feeling that she doesnt know what it is when we are not hanging out together but once we are, she tells me she sees me just as a friend and nothing more.
She called a couple of nights ago and i told her i think its best if we stop being intimate once and for all since it is creating too much stress and this is obviously not good for the friendship and she agrees with me. We spoke and she says it is not because of the sex that she feels she has begun to have feelings for me but i am not so sure about this, i find it hard to believe that the sex has not played any part in this confusion.
I agree that we need time to think about what we actually feel but as of now no answers have come to mind, it is all one big confusion.
A lot of our common friends keep saying we should be together and they keep going on about it like little school girls, i pay no mind to them and see this just as harmless joking around, but nicky on the other hand seems to get very upset when they begin to joke about this. This is pretty much all i can answer/say about the issue hopefully some of your questions will spark some thought.