Relationship with a married man/he's heading for possible divorce.

[SPPO]

I'm a female who got herself involved with a MM going on 2 years. Not my proudest moment. His wife has been suspicious of our A for about a year now. For the past year, its been up/down between us--all on his account after his wife first became suspicious. Whenever he needed to take a step back, I let him. I didn't pressure, hound, or call out.

This past Sunday crap hit the fan when she went through his phone and read texts, etc. between us. This included future get togethers and other incriminating evidence. Monday he told me not to answer any texts from him, or her no. He gave me the first three digits of her no. just in case. On Tuesday, he took the day off work and he told me they were splitting as he isn't sure there were any ways to make mends and he spent the night at a friends, and from yesterday through Sunday he'll be staying a friend's apartment while he's out of town.

He told me he's sad and he's staying there as time away may be a good breather so things aren't as hostile at home. I didn't ask about any future custody arrangements, etc. as this isn't the time. He said he has names of lawyers. He didn't indicate either about the next steps as I'm not sure if he even knows as everything is still fresh.

I'm not bringing up anything with 'us' as IMO--its highly irrelevant and he needs to take care of issues at home first.

However, I asked him if he wanted to chill tonight and have a few beers--not talk about anything (aka the separation) as I don't have any definite plans and he is just relaxing, or might go to another buddy's house. He said "thanks though. not tonight. maybe another night." I told him "you're welcome and no worries. its whenever and if you feel up to it." I haven't heard back. I've been trying to keep conversation normal as he told me he doesn't feel like talking about this right now. I told him I understand and respect his wishes.

I only threw the offer out there as his line of questioning about what I was doing tonight, etc. I didn't push anything. Or like yesterday, I told him I'll text him after my run. By the time I was done with my run, its the time he usually is with his kids, etc. So a few hours after, he said "where did you run to?" I was waiting to text since I didn't want to disrupt time between him and his kids. So for right now, he's not avoiding/not talking to me. He's initiating conversation as well--which is good.

What can I say or do?!?! This is TOTALLY out of the blue with the separation.

Right now, I'm giving him his space and I don't want to overwhelm him. I'm keeping conversation light and try to be a bit fun. I know he's in a funk :/ I'm still in shock as to the turn and not sure what to do.

I guess my question is a bit deeper too..not only how to handle this, but what can I possibly expect. I know he's likely torn between saving his marriage or ditching me. Any advice from any men and/or ladies whose been through this?

[Wakeup]

You're asking for advice on how you should continue to handle helping to break up a marriage and family? Nice!

Its telling how he didn't run to you once the shit hit the fan, though. Think about it.

[SPPO]

You're asking for advice on how you should continue to handle helping to break up a marriage and family? Nice!

Its telling how he didn't run to you once the shit hit the fan, though. Think about it.

1) It takes two to tango. There were problems prior to us.

2) Good point; I didn't think about it that way. However, its not like he lives around the block. But if he wanted to be here with me he would. I know he's stressed/under pressure/sad/mad, and it hurts that he doesn't want to open up. Thus--I'm not going to initiate conversation after my last text to him about basically the ball being in his court.

I think its his way of gently letting me go as well. Gut feeling: I may not hear back until the dust settles on his end. He knows I'm here for him.

[michelle23]

Lol its hilarious how women like you are okay with being used and left on the shelf..

I don't have any advice or kind words for you. Your a co-dependent doormat with no morals or self respect. Hes a bastard

Hope you end up together and destroy each other with all your dysfunction

Good luck

[Wakeup]

1) It takes two to tango. There were problems prior to us.

That would be none of your business and it would have been the right thing to do for you to back off and let them fix those problems instead of enabling him NOT to. Your excuse to be his dirty little secret fools no one but you. Where is your self-respect and love of self that you'd settle to be his second choice?

2) Good point; I didn't think about it that way. However, its not like he lives around the block. But if he wanted to be here with me he would.

Well, he's not so what does that tell you? It tells me that he's freaking out now thinking that he's going to lose his wife so he's keeping away from you because he's probably told her he ended it with you but he's not told you that just in case she does buy his horse sh*t.

I know he's stressed/under pressure/sad/mad, and it hurts that he doesn't want to open up. Thus--I'm not going to initiate conversation after my last text to him about basically the ball being in his court.

Wow, now you're forming some personal boundaries. Chances are you'll soon break that one down when you don't hear from him and you become desperate.

[quote]I think its his way of gently letting me go as well. Gut feeling: I may not hear back until the dust settles on his end. He knows I'm here for him.[/QUOTE][b]yes and the sad part about that is you give him absolutely no reason to hurry to be with you because he does know no matter what crap/indifference/keeping you on the side while he continues his existence with his LIFEmate and children.... you are naïve and with low self-esteem enough to wait for someone like him ~ a cheater, a liar and a selfish low esteemed assclown. Your call if you want to be with someone that never left their wife to be with you but enjoyed you sexually none-the-less.

- - - Updated - - -

1) It takes two to tango. There were problems prior to us.

Also you'll notice that I said "help" to destroy his marriage. I didn't say you were the only one doing that.

[nico88]

I'm not trying to be a dick or anything but how do you even know they're "separating"? He's been lying to his wife about you and who knows who else before you, so what makes you think he's being honest with you?

[lost_man]

Step out of the drama that you have voluntarily stepped into and work on building a healthy love life instead.