Talking about the future for the first time.

[ally1821]

Hello all.

I have been with my boyfriend since early fall of 2007. Things are great. No issues of any type. Very much in love.

First I want to state I am in no rush to get engaged or married...

BUT I really want to express to my boyfriend (or ask him if how he feels) that I have intentions to be with him always. I really think he is the man I'm going to marry. I know that 9 months isnt a very long time so I dont want to freak him out, but on the other hand I know what I feel and whats wrong with expressing that.

The kicker is he is not very vocal. He is very loving and caring but as far as expressing him verbally, other than I love you's, he doesnt say anything. He also told me when we first started dating that he wasnt very vocal in relationships and it was a problem and he wanted to work on that. He does say sweet things to me when he has been drinking. I guess it loosens him up, but he has never said anything to be sober.

So I know he's never going to bring such things up. I dont know how to tell him. If he doesnt feel the same about me I want to get out of the relationship bc I am just so much in love with him. Im in my mind 20's and never felt this way about anyone before. If he's not on the same page I want to cut my losses and begin healing.

On the other hand I dont want to push him to be vocal if it's just not him. He's loving, trustworthly, smart, responsible, funny, and handsome. Im very grateful for all that.

How do i bring it up? Im anxious about doing it for all the above reasons.

[Cain]

Find the opportunity. Next time you see a movie that has a wedding or something in it, mention something like "can't wait to have one of my own." Something. I don't know about him, but that wouldn't really scare me off. I mean, you have been together for nine months, so it's a decent time. It's not like your pushing for it to happen now, but I don't think there's anything wrong with talking about the future and making sure you both are on the same page.

[ally1821]

thats what people tell me to do. the thing is it would be wierd bc im not a girly girl. i mean, i look like one, but i dont act like one. i dont love babies, i dont dream about a big wedding, dont watch sex in the city ahahah. so if i say something like that it would be out of character.

[Cain]

Why do you have to be a girly girl to mention a future and a wedding? I'm a man, but I've mentioned weddings. I'd like to think I'm not a girly girl.

[ally1821]

it's just how i am, sorry. to bring it up like that would be out of character and uncomfortable.

[Cain]

Then do what is comfortable for you. I'm not telling you how you should do it, I'm just saying that you should do it. If you're going to wait for him to do it and he waits another year, would you be fine wasting that extra time on someone that isn't interested in what you are?

[ally1821]

if he waits two years and doesnt want to id be devastated, but what ya gonna do. i def want to tell him but the mention about weddings or baby names or stuff like that ive been told just doesnt feel right. a letter maybe? do i just sit him down and tell him straight up "i never want to be without you"?

[Cain]

Just do what YOU feel comfortable doing. That's what it's about. There's no best way. If you are more comfortable doing a straight chat, do it. If you're more comfortable writing your thoughts down on paper or an email... do it. But you should mention it.