Having to make a choice between the two Loves of my life

[Amberol]

Hello everybody this is a complex on (well maybe not but it sure seems like it to me),
The core of my dilemma is as stated in the title, i have come to an essential ultimatum between the two women who i have come to love.
Girl A i have been dating for 3 years and i was her first everything and vice versa, the whole deal. Girl A and i have been through a lot, we are pretty different but we have shaped who we are over the last 3 years. Through this process she hasn't really gotten to be an individual and has become very clingy to me, almost to the point where I'm concerned she couldn't function properly without me, its also a product of her up bringing of being overly dependent. I didn't knot that at the time, now i do and its beginning to worry me/get on my nerves. I have a number of pet peeves with her, she has a huge issue zoning out too much and it will take sometimes a minute or two for her to even hear me talking, and she is consistently late to a lot of the important things we do, and she forgets important things like ID and keys etc. , but from day to day she really does take care of me and we have i would say about 75% of the time is really awesome and i love her with all of my being and i don't doubt that we'll do what we've always dreamed of doing. She is also fairly smart and i feel that to achieve my dreams she would help financially however shallow that may seem it is a factor. and I've also worked very hard to get her family to approve of me and i think I've grown on them. Mostly my incentive is not to give up on the three years of effort and building I've done with her, to have my family be pissed at me and have her family despise me. We have shared a lot of emotional moments and sometimes it can be quite the roller coaster.

Girl B i have been best friends with for a year and a half now, and met in college. we were fast friends and i was dating girl A at the time so the idea of it being romantic didn't occur to me. we had lots of fun and would hang out often while girl A was at in senior year of high school (now at same college as me and girl B). My family would only see her as that girl who hangs out with him too much. Girl B had a rough life with a bad separation just like my family had, her father would put her down a lot, and threaten not to pay for school, spend money on stupid things to take out of the college fund etc. just not a nice guy. I didnt know that before we met so i just thought she was any other girl, and i treated her like any good friend would, being there if she needed help you know the deal. turns out she told me later that nobody had ever done this for her before, she never had any good friends until college and how she was so grateful at how i just listened to her and actually wanted to spend time with her. I gave her confidence to be who she wanted to be (too much to write here, but suffice it to say i saved her life). and now she is studying abroad for this whole semester and i realize a few weeks before she leaves how deeply i am in love with her, we were just friends and it all changed over the course of the last semester. Girl B also realized she loved me long before I did, and she held back her feelings for me and dealt with the pain of seeing me with Girl A, even sometimes thinking she was a better fit for me when i would fight with Girl A but would then hate herself for thinking that.

Girl A and Girl B have become friends since they met and we were all having our typical college fun. Lets just say that truth or dare got out of hand and "stuff happened." regardless the three of us had some physical contact and it was never really emotional or jealousy driven which was ironic because of the intimate nature of those encounters. Also ironically the most open and honest the three of us were was when we had these encounters. The problems I'm having now, literally have nothing to do with these encounters because we all mutually agree that they haven't caused this problem. They were all just for doing the classic college experimenting, and it was before i knew my true feelings and i hadn't developed an emotional attachment to these events, so that's not where my problem of choice delves from.

I hope I've provided enough info for any answer that might help, its my first major scare/choice/breakup/new love scandal in my life, and I'm at a loss because i love both of them equally. its not like i can say one is worse than the other or one is perfect and the other isn't (not that i would ever want a perfect woman).

Thanks in advance for any help,

[searock]

I don't really believe that you can love two people in the exact same way. I think you aren't in love with your girlfriend, otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for the other girl. You should break up with her.

[surfhb2]

Hello everybody this is a complex on (well maybe not but it sure seems like it to me),
The core of my dilemma is as stated in the title, i have come to an essential ultimatum between the two women who i have come to love.
Girl A i have been dating for 3 years and i was her first everything and vice versa, the whole deal. Girl A and i have been through a lot, we are pretty different but we have shaped who we are over the last 3 years. Through this process she hasn't really gotten to be an individual and has become very clingy to me, almost to the point where I'm concerned she couldn't function properly without me, its also a product of her up bringing of being overly dependent. I didn't knot that at the time, now i do and its beginning to worry me/get on my nerves. I have a number of pet peeves with her, she has a huge issue zoning out too much and it will take sometimes a minute or two for her to even hear me talking, and she is consistently late to a lot of the important things we do, and she forgets important things like ID and keys etc. , but from day to day she really does take care of me and we have i would say about 75% of the time is really awesome and i love her with all of my being and i don't doubt that we'll do what we've always dreamed of doing. She is also fairly smart and i feel that to achieve my dreams she would help financially however shallow that may seem it is a factor. and I've also worked very hard to get her family to approve of me and i think I've grown on them. Mostly my incentive is not to give up on the three years of effort and building I've done with her, to have my family be pissed at me and have her family despise me. We have shared a lot of emotional moments and sometimes it can be quite the roller coaster.

Girl B i have been best friends with for a year and a half now, and met in college. we were fast friends and i was dating girl A at the time so the idea of it being romantic didn't occur to me. we had lots of fun and would hang out often while girl A was at in senior year of high school (now at same college as me and girl B). My family would only see her as that girl who hangs out with him too much. Girl B had a rough life with a bad separation just like my family had, her father would put her down a lot, and threaten not to pay for school, spend money on stupid things to take out of the college fund etc. just not a nice guy. I didnt know that before we met so i just thought she was any other girl, and i treated her like any good friend would, being there if she needed help you know the deal. turns out she told me later that nobody had ever done this for her before, she never had any good friends until college and how she was so grateful at how i just listened to her and actually wanted to spend time with her. I gave her confidence to be who she wanted to be (too much to write here, but suffice it to say i saved her life). and now she is studying abroad for this whole semester and i realize a few weeks before she leaves how deeply i am in love with her, we were just friends and it all changed over the course of the last semester. Girl B also realized she loved me long before I did, and she held back her feelings for me and dealt with the pain of seeing me with Girl A, even sometimes thinking she was a better fit for me when i would fight with Girl A but would then hate herself for thinking that.

Girl A and Girl B have become friends since they met and we were all having our typical college fun. Lets just say that truth or dare got out of hand and "stuff happened." regardless the three of us had some physical contact and it was never really emotional or jealousy driven which was ironic because of the intimate nature of those encounters. Also ironically the most open and honest the three of us were was when we had these encounters. The problems I'm having now, literally have nothing to do with these encounters because we all mutually agree that they haven't caused this problem. They were all just for doing the classic college experimenting, and it was before i knew my true feelings and i hadn't developed an emotional attachment to these events, so that's not where my problem of choice delves from.

I hope I've provided enough info for any answer that might help, its my first major scare/choice/breakup/new love scandal in my life, and I'm at a loss because i love both of them equally. its not like i can say one is worse than the other or one is perfect and the other isn't (not that i would ever want a perfect woman).

Thanks in advance for any help,

Pfstthahahaha..... Dude! You'll figure it out. Make sure you get good grades. Just be thankful you're open and honest with yourself and others.....enough to get threesomes going. Touché my friend!!

[Amberol]

I don't really believe that you can love two people in the exact same way. I think you aren't in love with your girlfriend, otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for the other girl. You should break up with her.

I realize its not loving in the same way, but i do love both of them. And i am still in love with both of them for sure, otherwise i wouldnt have posted here asking for advice and i would have made a decision. its just not that easy

[Wakeup]

Why do you have to choose? There are thousands of polygamous unions in North America. I suggest you do some research and figure it out from there. Your story is Not unique nor is it unresolvable, Amberol.

I will say that you're in college and likely neither of these women are going to end up being your life-mate... in the meantime, the three of you can enjoy each other just fine if you're all up to forming boundaries that you all can agree to while loving each other equally.

Google, "polyamourous relationships" and educate yourself. Barring a poly relationship with both women, I suggest you don't bother committing to monogamy with either of them... I don't think you'll be capable of that dynamic with either of them now that you've all been together "biblically"

[Amberol]

Why do you have to choose? There are thousands of polygamous unions in North America. I suggest you do some research and figure it out from there. Your story is Not unique nor is it unresolvable, Amberol.

I will say that you're in college and likely neither of these women are going to end up being your life-mate... in the meantime, the three of you can enjoy each other just fine if you're all up to forming boundaries that you all can agree to while loving each other equally.

Google, "polyamourous relationships" and educate yourself. Barring a poly relationship with both women, I suggest you don't bother committing to monogamy with either of them... I don't think you'll be capable of that dynamic with either of them now that you've all been together "biblically"

I agree I'm past the point of being able to be totally monogamous with either of them. and i would gladly be with bot of them but the social stigma isn't really up to me, and i don't want both families (or all three) to like disown us. I guess i have to weigh the option of being happy vs. wanting to piss everyone off.

[Wakeup]

Here's a link to something that may help you to come to terms with you're situation. You're in college and I doubt you'll be marrying either of these girls so why are you even thinking about "stigma" or what your families will think at this point? At one time, only paid whores would go to bed at the same time with one man. Now, thats just normal college extra-curricular activities. At one time gays were crucified... now they're marrying. and the list goes on.

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.ca/2012/06/five-things-that-make-polyamorous.

I'll add that monogomous marriage is a rather new concept in the scheme of things. It was church (new testament) that dictated monogamy and it was state that made it the rule. I think it was King Soloman that had 700 wives (and 300 concubines) or some such.

If you really loved Girl A, then Girl B wouldn't even be an option. I say you should go with Girl B

Its never that simple.

vvvvvv

[phoenix90]

If you really loved Girl A, then Girl B wouldn't even be an option. I say you should go with Girl B

[Amberol]

Here's a link to something that may help you to come to terms with you're situation. You're in college and I doubt you'll be marrying either of these girls so why are you even thinking about "stigma" or what your families will think at this point? At one time, only paid whores would go to bed at the same time with one man. Now, thats just normal college extra-curricular activities. At one time gays were crucified... now they're marrying. and the list goes on.



I'll add that monogomous marriage is a rather new concept in the scheme of things. It was church (new testament) that dictated monogamy and it was state that made it the rule. I think it was King Soloman that had 700 wives (and 300 concubines) or some such.


Its never that simple.

vvvvvv

Thanks a lot wakeup! i was looking for a 3rd door that i felt was possible but i didnt know what to call it, or whether it was farfetched, but your insight has been really helpful.

[searock]

I was assuming the two girls didn't want to be in a polyamorous relationship... if you all agree on it, then go for it. Who cares what people says/thinks, as long as you're happy!

By the way, I still don't believe you can be *in love* with two different persons at the same time.

[Amberol]

We have all talked, and lo and behold we all want to be in a poly relationship! Never in a million years thought this would happen, we're gonna try it out and see how we all feel doing it. But i can see your point searock, if it hasnt happened to you then im sure its hard to believe you can love two people at once. But these last few weeks have been some of the best. And i would rather live a happy interesting life, than one that is expected of me by my family, i have to live for what makes me happy.

[rob1984]

oh you poor man and your tough choices lol, I can just see all the lonely guys posting about needing a girl and he takes 2 of them lol..

[searock]

i can see your point searock, if it hasnt happened to you then im sure its hard to believe you can love two people at once.

I do believe that you can *love* two people at once, it has actually happened to me. I just don't think you can be *in love* with more than one person at a time.

But these last few weeks have been some of the best. And i would rather live a happy interesting life, than one that is expected of me by my family, i have to live for what makes me happy.

I agree! Glad it turned out ok :-).

[michelle23]

My instincts say this will all end in tears but good luck

[Genjuros]

I don't really believe that you can love two people in the exact same way. I think you aren't in love with your girlfriend, otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for the other girl. You should break up with her.

I agree with Searock. If you truely loved girl A, you wouldn't see girl B the way you do. Go for girl B.