Need advice on tough break up

[opc1986]

i was dumped by my girlfriend of nearly 5 years and not sure what my next move should be. ill give some background first. im currently 25 yrs of age and my ex was 24. i moved to las vegas and met her within 2 months of moving here. we were 20 and 19. we started as friends first but i had had other intentions in mind and won her over. we moved in together about 2 yrs ago after 2.5 yrs of dating and been living with each other since. she ended our relationship about a month ago. we had our ups and downs and even took a 2 month break with communication about 8 months ago. she ended the relationship saying she felt neglected as our sex life fizzled a little. also she said that by now she figured we would be engaged and that i never showed her enough affection. she knew i was not the affectionate type but i told her i would never stop trying. she said that she could not see herself with me for the rest of her life if i made her feel this bad. keep in mind this break up happened as i was currently saving for a ring which made me feel even worse. we ended on bad terms as she moved out and we have not talked since. she was my first true love and im pretty devastated by this but know that we will never be together. we come from different backgrounds and had lots of differences but i always loved her for her uniqueness. ive decided to move back home to florida to be closer to my family as i feel this is a good time to reconnect with them and they are very supportive. plus since ive been with her the entire time ive lived in this city, everywhere i go im reminded of her. i know i will never get over her if i stay here. my dilemma lays with my guilt of how things ended plus whether or not i should tell her im moving outta the city. i kinda feel like a dick if i just leave and say nothing. not sure if i should talk to her in person or send an email. ive been trying hard to not communicate with as i feel cold turkey would be best for me but still feel so guilty. i really wanna let her know that i did not intend for it to end this way and i feel our relationship was not a failure because it ended. what should i do?

[steviej]

Well done on realising its over and there is no going back. I personally feel that communication now is pointless, you need her out of your life for good. Moving home is a great idea, pack up and begin a fresh start!
Take with you the lessons you learned though.

[James Banes]

Yeah, move to Florida. People don't realize it, but a change of scenery is the best thing for coping from a breakup.

[Luminaire]

Going back on the no contact thing is a tough call here. Think of it in these terms: What will she do with the information? Do you want to tell her so that she knows you won't be there if she needs you or wants to talk to you? Being available to her is not your responsibility anymore; if that's the case, let it go.

If you just want to get it off your mind, then I'd advise an email. You can get all your thoughts out without the pressure of having her right there, and if you want to close it with a statement like that, I think that's worthwhile. You also won't have to cope with it if her reaction isn't good. But I'd be very firm about not turning it into a debate, and realize that it could really backfire and drag you into worse.

[Andariel]

Why are you feeling guilty? Break ups can cause a number of feelings and can leave us feeling very confused. You did your best to become more affectionate which shows consideration towards her feelings but let's face it: you can't become a whole different person to please her and you shouldn't want to. I would have expected she would have appreciated the efforts you made towards giving her what she wanted but she doesn't seem to have done that at all. Her perceived (or real) lack of affection on your part when you had clearly been making efforts to improve is not the real reason why she left you.It sounds a lot like an excuse...

Getting married is a big step and no one should be pressured (directly or indirectly) into it. So I think you were right into not jumping into an engagement with her. Sure 5 years is a long time but let's not forget there were some differences between you that both of you needed to work on before deciding to get engaged.You were mature enough to know this whereas she didn't seem to realise that this was important.

My point is that you shouldn't blame yourself. Both parties normally play a part in a break up. It has her decision to end things, not yours.

The first step towards healing is accepting it is over and you have already made that realisation. Moving to another city is something that is entirely up to you; you know what prospects lie in Florida and if you feel things would be better for you there then you don't need anyone's advice to make this decision. I would, however, recommend you make this decision a couple of months after the break up because right now it is normal to feel very confused and it is easy to make rush decisions that you might regret later.

I don't see any point in contacting her. No Contact is essential to moving on and you would only be opening up yourself to more hurt if you got in touch with her. What's done is done.Whether you contact her or not things are not going to change.I would suggest writing a letter about how you feel so that you get things off your chest but do NOT send it. No good can come out of that.When enough time has passed and you are no longer feeling emotionally vulnerable and if you feel like establishing a friendship with her then you could contact her to ask how she's doing and whether she would be interested in keeping in touch every now and then.

[opc1986]

another reason for moving is that i dont have any close friends or a good network of friends so back in tampa i have 2 brothers that id like to be close with. i realize i made the mistake of not acquiring a network of friends b4 i started dating my ex when i moved to a new city. when she left me she was basically my only friend. i built my life around hers instead of living my own...