Don't Know What's Wrong with Me

[Clin Dell12]

I'm a guy in my early 20s and I haven't been in a relationship yet. I'm not looking for a relationship with an expectation of sex, but rather the feeling of connecting with another human being on a higher level than as a friend.

Anyways, this brings me to my problem. I've tried many times throughout my past to meet women, but when I do, I just shut down. It's just something I can't get to the bottom of for the life of me. I'll talk to a gorgeous girl one day and feel all interested but then the next day, my interest for the girl is almost nonexistent. I feel like I force myself to talk and I can never think of ANYTHING to say. I almost feel like I get to the point where I don't care about meeting anyone whether it be now or 10 years in the future.

When I approach women, I try to approach as a person looking for friendship because the thought of being in a relationship scares the heck out of me. My mindset is that if I get to know this girl well enough, one day in the future, I will try to start up a relationship. Till then, it'll be pretty much platonic. Oh yea, I know this statement conflicts what I said at the start about wanting a relationship, but I can't explain it, I'm just wierd like that.

In the end of it all, I'm just pretty much frustrated and saddened because I don't know what's wrong with me. Am I going crazy??

[Bo]

There's nothing wrong with you, unless you have a horn coming out of your back or something. A lot of ppl have this issue, i suggest you just let it happen naturally. A true connection is never forced. i can understand why this would be a big concern but don't let yourself get too bummed out about it. You sound like a decent guy

[meh28]

It seems like theres an underlying reason as to why you feel and behave this way ( its my area of study) now it could always just be a case of youl know when youv found the right person, however would you be willing to go talk to someone professionally, perhaps get to the root of why you feel this way?

[Clin Dell12]

It seems like theres an underlying reason as to why you feel and behave this way ( its my area of study) now it could always just be a case of youl know when youv found the right person, however would you be willing to go talk to someone professionally, perhaps get to the root of why you feel this way?

Heck yea I'd be willing. Matter fact, I have. I've gone to a therapist and asked them about this, but they always seem to throw discussion about this topic under the rug. It leaves me thinking, "I understand there may be an underlying problem, but cmon, give me something man!

[Gigabitch]

Clin, it's my supposition, based on the small amount of information, that fear is causing you to completely shut down when you get to step two of connecting with women.

I need to know if you are connected to anyone emotionally. Best friend, family, dog? Anybody?

[Indignant]

Heck yea I'd be willing. Matter fact, I have. I've gone to a therapist and asked them about this, but they always seem to throw discussion about this topic under the rug. It leaves me thinking, "I understand there may be an underlying problem, but cmon, give me something man!

is there a chance that you are in denial and ignore the main issues thus not following there suggestions in regards to this situation? is there a bigger problem in the picture that the therapis is accentuating on?

[Clin Dell12]

Clin, it's my supposition, based on the small amount of information, that fear is causing you to completely shut down when you get to step two of connecting with women.

I need to know if you are connected to anyone emotionally. Best friend, family, dog? Anybody?

Haha, I actually am pretty connected to my dog, and I'm also connected to my immediate family (mother,father,sisters, and nephews), but no one else really.

is there a chance that you are in denial and ignore the main issues thus not following there suggestions in regards to this situation? is there a bigger problem in the picture that the therapis is accentuating on?

Hmm. Well, when I ask the therapist, he does tell me that we need to focus on a bigger problem first and then this topic will be handled later on. I've been going to the guy around three months and it doesn't seem to be "later on" yet in his eyes.

[Indignant]

Hmm. Well, when I ask the therapist, he does tell me that we need to focus on a bigger problem first and then this topic will be handled later on. I've been going to the guy around three months and it doesn't seem to be "later on" yet in his eyes.

what is the other issue? can we help you with that first?

[Clin Dell12]

what is the other issue? can we help you with that first?

Basically, it's a case of social anxiety.

[Indignant]

Basically, it's a case of social anxiety.

this is your answer then, the other problem will dissolve by itself, once anxiety is controlled or overcome.

[Gigabitch]

Haha, I actually am pretty connected to my dog, and I'm also connected to my immediate family (mother,father,sisters, and nephews), but no one else really.


Hmm. Well, when I ask the therapist, he does tell me that we need to focus on a bigger problem first and then this topic will be handled later on. I've been going to the guy around three months and it doesn't seem to be "later on" yet in his eyes.

I wonder what would happen if you tried a female therapist.

[Clin Dell12]

I wonder what would happen if you tried a female therapist.

I actually did try one maybe two years ago. I didn't have her long though. She only seemed to want to suggest medicine to me.

[mrk2381]

I had the same problem as you just in my situation I couldn't talk to any chicks. Other guys I was fine cause I knew what to talk about: sports, cars, and what movie star we would bang. I solved my dilemma by just being around people both male and female and just getting comfortable being around them before talking to them. Kind of like window shopping. You look at the item over and over until you realize "Yes I do want to buy that" and you go in and buy it or in this case talk to them. Even though you can talk to them initially maybe if you were more comfortable around them you would be able to talk to them that second and third time.

[carl1222]

Basically, it's a case of social anxiety.

There's no such thing as "social anxiety" ... it's a made up psychobabble word for "timid" and "underconfident" Two easy-to-understand concepts you can deal with.

Carl.

[AstroPanther]

Are you sure there's a problem, or is there some kind of standard you're feeling you should be living up to? I can't tell if you're simply not interested in dating, or if you are, but you don't know how to go about it. If you find that you're not really interested in anyone yet--and you did specify that you talked to gorgeous girls, but not necessarily intelligent ones, which could be the problem--then consider yourself fortunate. Perhaps you have enough clarity in your judgment of potential partners to know which ones aren't right for you. If you do, however, find a girl that you're dying to be closer to, my biggest recommendation is to take some time and learn about the way women think, and what they generally find attractive. My favorite book so far has been "The System" by Doc Love. Once you understand the way things work, it's almost impossible to be as nervous--you can't fear the unknown once it becomes known!