Boyfriend wants to be best friends with ex & her family

[Ariel25]

Hi

Sorry in advance for the essay.

Me & my boyfriend have been together almost a year & were best friends prior to our relationship for 5 years. He also had another best friend who was his ex from school or as he described her once 'his first love'. When me & him first met we started to see each other his ex was very nasty to me because he liked me & went out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable. It got so bad & I was so unhappy about it I called it off with him & we became best friends. During this time I witnessed him & her cheating on people with eachother & him saying on numerous occasions that he thought he was still in love with her etc & the last time this happened was when he had just entered a relationship with another girl which lasted about 2 years (they broke up in April & we got together in Aug/Sept time).

When we first got together I wasn't bothered about their friendship because over the years I had become friends with her too but then things started coming out/happening which I wasn't happy about. She told my boyfriend not to be with me because we were best friends & basically tried to talk him out of being with me. When that didn't work she spoke to me & told me how I can do better & basically said how he was the worst boyfriend ever & how I shouldn't waste my time on him. I just thought that it wasnt a very 'best friend' thing to do, I can't imagine talking like that about him & trying to ruin things for him if he was happy. There was also a time when we first got together where they were on Skype together for FIVE HOURS whilst I was at work- during this time they both went & had showers etc but left Skype in their rooms running ?! I confronted my boyfriend about this & he said he didn't see the problem with it because he does it with his guy friends too but he doesn't seem to know the line. Another thing that bothered me was when we were having a lazy Sunday together & she turned up unannounced & they were laughing & joking together & he fed her from his fork etc & I was just sitting there like a third wheel.

When our relationship got more serious & he saw her less she threw a tantrum & said how she only wanted to see him alone which I was entirely uncomfortable about. This all went on for about 4 months until I had enough of it & told him I couldn't handle the messed up 3 way relationship anymore & told him it was me or her. He chose me & now still has her on fb etc which I'm fine with but after 8 months of being happy without her, today he has hit me with a bomb saying that he wants to see her again & see her family etc which I am completely uncomfortable & unhappy about. Our relationship is very serious & we have discussed getting married & are looking to move in together soon, he has a good relationship with my family so I don't understand what he can get from a relationship with her & her family which he can't get from me.

He doesn't want me being friends with my ex which I'm okay with but he says it's totally different because they were together in school (we are 22 & 23 now) & me & my ex were together for 3 years but I see it as an ex is an ex & I've never gone back to my ex & he wasn't getting involved with our relationship !

Help

[4 ratties]

What he's doing is very inappropriate and if he's not going to change, id break up with him. I know your attached to him, but if he's not going to stop this, idk what else u could do. Maybe find a hot guy and start hanging out with him and his family and see how your boyfriend likes it.. Hehe jk but really.. I couldn't and wouldn't deal with this...

[TablesandChairs]

I don't think there's a future in this; it's not that he doesn't know what boundaries are, he just doesn't want to follow them. You can still be on friendly terms with an ex, but 5 hours skyping? Her coming over uninvited? Spending time with her and her family? He may as well be with her, then. He also has no respect for your or your relationship or he wouldn't be feeding his ex with his fork while you're sitting there like a stunned mullet.

How great can this guy be? Better be worth him treating you like this.

[Constructo Man]

Tried to be objective while reading what you said but I found myself blurt out "Run for the hills" when you described how he paid attention to her and just ignored you.

[Insomniash]

Unfortunately as the other posters have already stated this situation doesn't seem too promising. If he really wants to see her and her family as a friend why weren't you invited along? He knows it is an issue for you. Having said that if this man truly respected you as he should he would let go of his friendship with her, because based on what you have described it is toxic and has been for a long time. As you mentioned they both cheated on partners with each other, which honestly doesn't speak very highly of his limitations. Her actions seem to indicate that she is very possessive of him, and either wants him back or likes to keep him on a short leash as her back up plan. He has a decision to make and you need to make that clear to him, if he fails to respect you with his decision move on.

[michelle23]

Hun I would bet my whole years salary that he cheated on you with her. There are sooo many red flags and warning signs-you must be blind to have ignored them for so long. First of all you KNOW first hand that he has cheated on ALL his exes with her, you know that she was jealous of you and trying to cause trouble, 5 hours skyping? More like cyber sexing.. you should never have went out with him at all.

Break up with him now and dont look back. Your relationship is NOT serious. Its a bloody joke. Why would you even consider marrying this guy? He should be with her. Your second best and so are all the other girls he has dated over the years. He NEVER got over her. It really is that simple. Stop being his for now girl. Its only a matter of time before he hurts you again.

He aint worth it.

[Maple1714]

Everyone that has already posted is correct. You should leave him...or them for that matter...and move on.

I dated someone for a few months years ago. It just fizzled out for a couple reasons and was kind of left unfinished. Anyway, I am recently single again and this ex has re-surfaced. I would love to give it another shot with him, but I have decided not to for one main reason. He has a best girlfriend who I suspect is in love with him. She is protective of him and always finds a reason to dislike any woman that comes into his life. She is very unattractive though, and they have never had a sexual relationship but they share all the other aspects of a relationship. They even share a bed sometimes. It's so weird. So, I have decided to step away...they can have each other or not or whatever they are going to do. It's actually a huge turn off to me when a man has female best friends other than his chosen partner. It's a sign of weakness I think.