The trick is being yourself? I'm doomed...

[MrS95]

I may be a little young to be thinking about this - I'll be only 15 in a month - but I'm at that age where I start to get 'interested' and I'm getting a little worried.
I'm probably the shyest kid in my school, and that's not changing anytime soon. I've been like that since elementary, but bullying in Middle school didn't help. Now I'm trying to open up a bit - I'll high-five where I wouldn't before, or even crack a smile occasionally - but it doesn't change the fact that I'm just not myself in school. At home I'm just fine socially, but bring a classmate in and I'll lock myself in my room. I'm much more comfortable with people a few years older or younger than me... because they don't know who I am, they can get to know me the "right" way, and they don't see the "other me" in school.

My point: I'm worried about girls just ignoring me. All they can see is a silent, straight-faced nerd with zero sense of humor who sometimes struggles just to say "hi" casually. I don't love anyone (other than my family of course), but I have the tiniest crush on a cute girl I sit next to. I'm experienced at covering up my feelings... that won't help in the slightest. Even if I liked her enough to approach her - and believe me, I'd need to like her A LOT - I'm sure that I would just look like an @$$ because the real "me" was left behind at home. Even though we've known each other for a while, she still has no idea who I am, and would be very taken aback if she discovered that I have a "thing" for her.

I can be patient, I wouldn't be surprised if I don't get a date for a few years... but I need advice to get "the one" to see me, when it's time. Because the way things are going, no one at school can see me.

Thanks for reading, if you did...

[IndiReloaded]

Google for "assertiveness". There are tips out there.

BTW, 'nerds' get married to great girls all the time. But you may have to wait until college before you find ones that can appreciate all your fine qualities. Its true, shyness won't help you catch her, so I would practice now with being more assertive so you'll be ready when you meet her. Don't let your fears about looking like a dork stop you. Dating, like most skills, requires practice. All the guys here will tell you so.

[doppelgaenger]

No, you never be yourself. That's the trick. You usually have to go out of your merry way to impress women.
Of course you should be pretty honest with them and all...

[lostinconfusion]

No one is ever REALLY themselves in front of people outside our closest circle (like family and best friends and such). The "get to know the real me" is what relationships are really about. You start dating one person, you discover someone else completely different, and you either fall even more in love with that new person you discovered, or realize you need to move on. We are all just walking around pretending so as to make it either to get though the day and get along with everyone. That girl you might admire most likely is wearing a mask just like you. So don't worry about it. Do what ever helps you be comfortable and get through like with minimum damage, oh and shy guys can be just as attractive as outgoing ones, sometimes even more. It depends on the girl, so just give it some time, you'll meet the one that fits you ;-)

[dewilliams2]

Yea no worries. Your still fairly young and you will change a lot over the next several years. You do need to work on putting yourself out there. Don't be afraid to make an ass of yourself....just relax.

And yea as for the nerd thing....its kinda in right now which is great for us nerds. There are nerd girls in high school...at least there was in my high school. As you get to college you will realize pretty much everybody is a nerd in their own way.

My gf right now is reading a 400 page book on the history of Wonder Woman, she likes my little pony but her favorite band is Pantera.

There are plenty of people like you with your interests...the world gets a lot bigger...just try to find a place for yourself in high school and once you get to college it will be totally different.

If it makes you feel any better I wasn't very popular when I entered high school but by the time I graduated I was. I'm not talkin captain of the football team dick, but I got along for the most part with everybody....I'm a nice guy and everybody knew my name....but I didn't do it by being quite.

Now lean over and ask that girl if she would care to go see a movie with you and then just ask her what she likes....music, food, school....when ya hit a topic you know something about then talk to her about that....its really not that hard...just relax and have fun.

[Teddy057]

Be comfortable in your own skin. There is no reason to be shy or not talk to people. This is all a hell of a lot easier said then done though, you just need to tell yourself it's just stupid high school, do well in and go to a great college. I hate to get all philosophical but, life really is pretty short and can end at any time. I know it's hard to look at it that way when you're only 15, but do you really want to just be that quiet kid all the way through High school, and end up first day of college not knowing how to approach people you've never seen before? Go out there, talk to people, share your own opinion with them, and be respected by them for it. Just know, the only bad thing to come out of meeting new people is that you will find out there are a lot of assholes in the world

[MrS95]

Thanks all for your words of wisdom, I feel a little better.
I wasn't that worried about the nerd part, but I don't think the field of computer science is very full of pretty girls...

Now lean over and ask that girl if she would care to go see a movie with you and then just ask her what she likes....music, food, school....when ya hit a topic you know something about then talk to her about that....its really not that hard...just relax and have fun.

Believe me. My vocal cords will entirely shut down before I can ask, and if they didn't, I'd put her in a very awkward position. As I am now, the only way I'd ask someone out is if it was clear that the feeling was mutual. Once I'm actually in a date, well, that's a different story.

Be comfortable in your own skin. There is no reason to be shy or not talk to people. This is all a hell of a lot easier said then done though, you just need to tell yourself it's just stupid high school, do well in and go to a great college. I hate to get all philosophical but, life really is pretty short and can end at any time. I know it's hard to look at it that way when you're only 15, but do you really want to just be that quiet kid all the way through High school, and end up first day of college not knowing how to approach people you've never seen before? Go out there, talk to people, share your own opinion with them, and be respected by them for it. Just know, the only bad thing to come out of meeting new people is that you will find out there are a lot of assholes in the world

Oh I already know how many assholes there are. The strange thing is though, that I'd probably be more comfortable with a fresh group of strangers when I get to University (big diff between University and College in Canada) so that I can start with a fresh slate... I can't say I've tested that theory though.

[sehvral]

Starting with a fresh slate is good, the more this happens the more comfortable you get around strangers. 3/4 of my graduating class went to the same college. I kept in touch with 5 of them, even though I knew close to 100.

A buddy of mine told me years ago when I was whining about being single: "There's nothing wrong with you that changing yourself completely can't fix". He was joking, of course, but I got the point.

I'm typically very quiet. When I go out with guy friends, I bring the loudest ones with me. When they are yelling, I'm speaking. When they are roaring with laughter, I'm quietly laughing. Sometimes when they leave I stick around to catch the end of a game, and some woman I've locked eyes with a couple times throughout the evening comes over and says something like "Are you always so well-behaved?" (incidentally, probably one of the greatest opening lines I've ever heard)

I've been approached in bars by women by simply sitting there reading a book. In college, sitting at a bar reading a book on Plains Indian mythology or the Beaufort Scale would never work. But once you are out of college and everyone begins to grow up, the desire to continue learning or the ability to go out with your buddies and not make a complete ass of yourself become *positive* attributes.

You are who you are. As you get older, you'll find that a lot of the traits you dislike now are ones that will work well for you. Women dress to make their best physical features stand out. Do the same with your personality, take otherwise "bland" traits and find ways for them to make you stand out.

Your formative years are really an opportunity to develop those traits that will best suit you in your life. Focus on your studies, developing healthy habits (get in shape, learn to cook), and developing your personality. Early on, you won't see much action, but in the long run these traits pay off in spades.

Besides, dating really doesn't get interesting until your late twenties anyway *grin*

[MrS95]

IndiReloaded - I just read a bit about assertiveness and realized how important it is. There've been times in my life when I've been passive, and times when I've been aggressive, but never assertive. I'll definetly see what I can do...

Sehvral - I don't really know how to respond, from my point of view some of the stuff you're talking about would take place years from now... but I'll say I could develop some of my traits, and of course, get into shape.