I want to be selfish for once.

[stupidity]

Hi, first post, and I would actually love to see how other people would look at my situation, though kinda childish and/or shallow. So here goes.

I met this girl in college, asked her out to how many dates in like 2 months, but then I guess my intention was not clear. To sum that part up, yeah she "friend-zoned" me. At first I was obviously upset, and my stupid self was on that phase where you would "do anything she would ask because you still like her". Although she only asked me once if I could drive her to this place to buy something for a very close friend of hers that she apparently "liked" before, but now they're just friends. The guy was leaving for college (like 4-5 hours away from our area) and both of them were meeting up one last time before the guy leaves the next day. Yes, stupid me helped her to buy something for the guy she liked. At first I believed her that she only liked him before, but then she cried a lot when the guy left. So I thought, "wow, she really does like him a lot". I then talked to her about it, that I can't handle the fact that I keep helping her and I only get hurt every time. She said she understands what I'm going through blah blah, and she still wants to be friends, and if I needed "friend-break", then we would have a break. Then again, stupid me would always want to see her so I said we didn't need that friend-break, and we'll still be friends. I started trying to move on, not texting her, not calling her for weeks. I started dating again, but I guess that was it, didn't really like the girls I asked out on a date, personality-wise. After how many weeks, I really thought I was moving on. She then started texting, calling, etc if I wanted to hangout and stuff. So I though, why not, I think I already moved on. So we did, then I started to have feelings again.

Now this is the major part that kind pisses me off and made me stupid.

She said that she's visiting that "guy" friend in college in his place for the weekend. So I'm like, oh snap, something's gonna happen. But whatever, it's her life. After that weekend she then txted me that "hey, I'm only telling you, but I think this is the last time i'm going to speak to ___." Apparently something bad happened, though I really don't know what. She knows I hate the guts of that guy, though it's really just jealousy. Why the hell would she tell me this then? So I thought, I guess she's giving me a second chance. But, I'm very bad at assumptions. So I wanted to clear it up first. I called her, and told her I want to talk to her about something. So we met up, and I asked what the text was about, why tell that to me, etc etc. And she said, "cause you're a good friend.." I got pissed off and humiliated, so I was kind of mad, and told her that I just wasted my time talking to her. Dropped her off at her house without saying a word. When I got back home, she then texted me that she's sorry about the text. She's sorry that she gave me hope.

Haven't replied since.

Now here's what I want to do. I'd like to talk to her face to face about that, and tell her that I do not want this to happen to me again. I do not want to get hurt anymore from these stupid little things that happen. I want to move on. I want to tell her that I can't move on if she keeps texting/calling me. I would really want to end the friendship, cause I think I really can't move on if we keep hanging out like this. I want to be selfish for once, I'm done having one-way relationships.

Do you guys think she would understand this and accept it? I don't want to see her cry when I say all that.

[ashley89]

I agree with you, if you like this girl but she is causing you pain maybe it is best to end the friendship. you are only looking out for yourself and sometimes in life you need to be selfish. it is hurting you to hear about this and if moving on from her is for your best interest all the power to you. I'm not saying it will be easy but it may be the right choice at this time for you

[basilandthyme]

Now here's what I want to do. I'd like to talk to her face to face about that, and tell her that I do not want this to happen to me again. I do not want to get hurt anymore from these stupid little things that happen. I want to move on. I want to tell her that I can't move on if she keeps texting/calling me. I would really want to end the friendship, cause I think I really can't move on if we keep hanging out like this. I want to be selfish for once, I'm done having one-way relationships.

Do you guys think she would understand this and accept it? I don't want to see her cry when I say all that.

It doesn't matter whether or not she understands. Though frankly, if she doesn't understand, she's being very selfish. Anyway, all that matters is that you do what you need to recover your balance.

[love&otherdrugs]

Do you guys think she would understand this and accept it? I don't want to see her cry when I say all that.

Like basil said, it doesn't matter if she understands or accepts it. What matters is that you did what you felt was right, and what you felt was needed to move on and relieve yourself of that stress and hurt. If she can't understand/accept that, then she really didn't deserve that friendship in the first place.

As for the crying, that I can't tell you. If you're going to do this in person, there is always a possibility of her crying. It really depends on the person she is. So, if you're adamant about doing this in person, just make sure you prepare yourself for that possibility.