Telling somebody you miss them, when you are on a break

[ShyGuy81]

Hello,

So it has been two weeks since my girlfriend and I decide to have a break and not see each other as much.

It has not been easy but I know that she was needing space as she had a lot of stuff going on so I have done as she asks and given her the space she wanted. I have also taken the time to work on myself, go out and see my friends and get back to being me as the problems we were having hot me quite down and I was not myself.

We have met up once for a drink and a chat as we decided to still stay in contact so we didn't totally drift apart. She usually calls every other day just for a chat, as she used to when we were not on a break as we live in different cities.

I have been doing well but I went out tonight with some friends and really missed her. I did contemplate sending her a message but kind of decided against it. I know she want her space and is trying to get her head sorted so I didn't know if just sending her a message randomly saying that I missed her would be a bad thing.

Is resisting the temptation the right thing to do? Should I have told her?

Lee

[bathos]

IMHO breaks are bullshit. They are an excuse used to see other people without putting the title "cheater" on oneself.

In your situation you guys are carrying on your same routine? calling every day... it already doesnt sound like a break to me. Did you guys use to hang out before in person, was it much?

If you miss her, you miss her. Telling her isnt bad in my book. I dont really know what made you two agree to go on a break to begin with or what either of you has "going on"... But if you can't express your feelings with one another it's a relationship thats not going to last. You might as well end it as it is. Im a true believe that problems need to be talked out not put on the back burner and forgotten.

[jimmy1200]

Hey Lee,

Well I kinda agree with bathos on the breaks not being a good thing, means to an end more often that not. But hey thats not saying that they do not work and are good once its just to sort one's self out and not to get out there on the market...

But since you are in contact regurally enough then I wouldnt be too hung up on sending that message tbh... Like two weeks can be a very very long time in your own head, each day seeming very long. So I suppose it depends on how much longer this break will go on, maybe sending that message will give you an idea of where she is at and might bring the break to an end, whatever the outcome, I doubt it'd change the outcome, just stop the waiting game.

Hope your decision goes well.

[ShyGuy81]

Hello,

Thank you for the replies. I am glad I didn't send the message in the end, she called me the following day and asked what I was up to so we ended up meeting up for a few hours which was very nice.

Things are slowly sorting themselves out, after a couple of weeks apart (yes we saw each other nearly every day before) it has given me and her sometime to think things through.

I think in this case having a break was the right thing to do, neither of us are looking elsewhere our relationship just hit a bit of a wall. I will admit that calling everyday is not really a break as such though, it is a rather unusual situation.

What I will say though is that I have finally got to the bottom of a lot of things, the main issue within our relationship on my side was my issue with confidence in the bedroom, or lack of. This is some baggage from my previous relationship which I need to work out. The lack of the sexual side of the relationship has pushed us apart and frustrated us both. On a positive note I know that she still wants to be with me, but I she wants some distance as she feels she can't continue with things the way they are. Which I can understand and don't blame her for.

I still feel there is more to it however, granted I have found out one of the problems and that is something I need to work on, not sure how I am going to do that, thinking maybe seeing a therapist about it.

You know when you have a niggling feeling in the back of your mind that there is something else there. It is nothing like her being unfaithful or anything like that just something seems to be holding her back, something else which is making her unhappy.

I suppose all I can do is work on myself and then see what happens down the line. I do miss her and I know she feels the same way but there is something else going on that is out of my control.

Thank you for the advice, I don't think the break will end anytime soon but things are getting clearing which is making it easier as at least I know where I stand.

Lee

[Raze]

Good to hear from you again, Lee!

Breaks are bs because all it really is a nice way of saying "I think I can do better and if I can't then I can always come back to you." If you are resisting the temptation, that's good. I would basically do whatever the hell you want. Like I would just text her random shit and say "show me your boobies" or something really retarded just for laughs, because you seem like a good guy and she knows this and is pretty much using you, so why not just use her for laughs? It's not assholish of you at all to do that. Set up a meeting with her and not show up. HAHA! Or be like "I'm feeling naughty, let's have hot sex on the bathroom floor." LOL! This is your time to be creative and just see how much you can get away with.

And I am speaking from personal experience, because I have done this, and it's a lot of fun. It makes light of a bad situation. This is what one guy told me:
Bad things work for bad situations
Good things work for good situations
Bad things don't work for good situations
Good things don't work for bad situations

Texting her "I miss you" is a good thing so don't say it for your bad situation. Texting her "let's have dirty, naughty sex" is a bad thing so it will work for a bad situation.

[ShyGuy81]

Hello again!

Bad luck on the date Raze, hopefully the next one you find will work out better.

I must admit you made me laugh with your reply, I am starting to agree that the break does seem like it is more of a break-up. It is all very confusing at the moment, one minuite she is being really nice and friendly and keeps telling me that she thinks I am perfect and she hates that it is not working between us. The next thing she is having a go saying that I don't care about her, I am not fighting to keep her, I am not making the effort.

To be honest it is driving me a little crazy as it is this whole roller-coaster of emotion at the moment. I know what I did to contribute to the conflict in the relationship and I am working on that, even decided to go and see a therapist for a few sessions as I have some hangups that I need to resolve but don't know where to start and I think seeing somebody and talking it through will help me.

I am going to have to decline the random messages to make light of it all, where my girlfirend (possibly ex) is at the moment in herself that would not be a nice thing to do and I don't want to hurt or upset her anymore.

It is time to take some "me" time I think and try and get over all of this, I don't want to let her go and I don't honestly want it to be over but at the moment there is nothing more I can do other than what I am doing and until I get my head on straight and get a handle on what has caused the relationship to breakdown from my side then even contemplating getting back together is a mistake.

I think she is ready to move on as well, she seems to have written it off in her mind and I get the impression that she doesn't believe that we will get back together even though it's not what she seems to want but if it is something that is unreconcilable in her mind then nothing I can do will change that as she seems very closed to it all.

Not sure how I have ended up in this situation, it is amazing how quickly things seem to spiral out of control though. What hurts the most is I still love her and care for her, unlike my ex before where I was kind of glad to see her go in the end.

Looks like it is time to start taking my own advice and move on, who knows what the future holds but that is the direction I need to face.

Thank you for all the advice from everybody on all the threads, it has all been helpful.

Lee