gf and mom's birthday ...pls help

[valley85]

My gf and mom were sharing some photos this evening.

Accidentally she saw some pictures on the camera of our family celebrating my mom's birthday last week. She saw then cake. Then she asked my mom "how come I wasn't told it was your birthday?"

My gf happened to be sick that day, and mom just got home from an out of town trip (she was pretty tired), so we didn't bother to invite my gf over.

My mom told her everything was very rushed, and plus we didn't go out for dinner or anything, just took a few quick snaps at home.

Worse yet, I bought a decorative vase for my mom's birthday which I told my gf was to welcome my mom back home from her trip (which is true). So now my gf must know the real reason why I bought the vase. She might be upset that I wasn't forthcoming in the beginning.

Mom later asked me if my gf would be mad she wasn't told of the birthday. I told her "I don't know". The truth is I'm scared. I don't know either.

What do you guys suggest I do? Apologize to my gf? or just forget about it (it seems trivial)?
Am I worrying too much?

thanks!

[pisces25]

In your other post you complain your GF doesn't text or see you enough and now you are not sure whether you should feel bad for not mentioning your mum's birthday?

Your relationship has MASSIVE communication issues. On top of that, you seem really scared of her, and won't talk to her coz you are afraid. Not really too healthy.

For this particular situation you could just simply apologise and say you didn't invite her coz she was sick and you didn't think she would be up to it or something like that. This situation may seem trivial but it could just be one part of a bigger problem you too are having. Maybe you are not compatible?

[valley85]

Your relationship has MASSIVE communication issues. On top of that, you seem really scared of her, and won't talk to her coz you are afraid. Not really too healthy.

So basically anytime I'm not sure of something, then I should just go ahead and talk to her or ask her and not be afraid to do that?
I was brought up with the impression that relationships were natural, and things "go without being said."

yeah I afraid of bothering her too much sometimes, and at others I'm worried I'm not doing enough.

[searock]

Why are you so afraid of her? You sound terrified of her deciding she is too good for you and breaking up with you. Which naturally results in you becoming clingy and her needing more space, it's a vicious cycle. Being in a relationship with someone should be about feeling safe and secure, *knowing* that the other person is there for you no matter what happens.

What is the real reason for you not to tell her the vase was also for your mother's birthday (as well as as a welcome back gift)?

As for not inviting her over, just tell her the truth. It's no big deal, you can tell her anything you want as long as it's the truth. You shouldn't be afraid of communicating with her. I would be more concerned with your excessive concern rather than with the episode itself.

[surfhb]

So basically anytime I'm not sure of something, then I should just go ahead and talk to her or ask her and not be afraid to do that?

Yeah.....thats how it works

I was brought up with the impression that relationships were natural, and things "go without being said."

Thats much different then NOT communicating.

[valley85]

Why are you so afraid of her? You sound terrified of her deciding she is too good for you and breaking up with you. Which naturally results in you becoming clingy and her needing more space, it's a vicious cycle. Being in a relationship with someone should be about feeling safe and secure, *knowing* that the other person is there for you no matter what happens.

What is the real reason for you not to tell her the vase was also for your mother's birthday (as well as as a welcome back gift)?

Cuz she might feel hurt if she wasn't told of my mom's birthday. She cares alot about my parents. So I felt best that I didn';t mention anything. Who would have thought she might see the pictures, right.

I have been giving her more space. But I dont' really know if more space seems to be like a step back in the relationship. Shouldn't we be getting closer and closer and seeing each other more and more? or talking more.