Is this normal? 9 months still can't move on

[moonriverlove]

My ex broke up with my 9 months ago. This 9 months has been very tough for me. I was very depressed, low self-esteem and went to therapy, even suicidal. I tried to move on but still till today I still miss him very much. How sad is that! I met with him yesterday. A very emotional meet. And it didnt turn out well. Finally, he said something like we cant even be friends, no point to still in each others life, and need to cut everything off. That is good for me maybe. But deep down I feel like I just cant wrap up with the idea that he will disappear from my life. . I know I need to pick myself up and begin a new life..I really need help..

[Yggdrasil]

Acceptance.

It can be really hard to accept that you’ve lost someone you love. However, acceptance is the first step to really healing the pain that you’re feeling. Do you still call your ex, drive by his house, write letters or initiate contact in other ways? These types of behavior will not allow you to accept and heal the way you need to. Stop contacting your ex and make a conscious decision to move on with your own life. When it gets really tough for you to accept that you and your ex are over, never underestimate the power of ‘moving on’ songs and chocolate ice cream.

Acceptance is an attitude.

Acceptance is way of looking at ourselves and the world around us. It implies a willingness and an openness to see things as they truly are, without judgment. For example, if you’re feeling anxious, you’re feeling anxious. That’s all. It doesn’t mean it’s horrible or catastrophic. It doesn’t mean the anxiety will last forever. It doesn’t mean you won’t be able to handle it. It doesn’t mean anything, except that you’re feeling anxious at a particular moment.

We’re so busy putting things into categories - "this is good" or "this is bad" - that we miss the actual experience of the moment. Certainly, it doesn’t come naturally to suspend judgment, tolerate uncertainty and turn off the ongoing internal commentary that plays in our minds. But all any of us can truly know is what’s happening right here, right now.

Acceptance doesn’t equal approval.

Many people think acceptance means approval, and this confusion causes them to balk at the whole idea. In the way we’re discussing it, however, these two aren’t equivalent. Acceptance does not equal approval. For example, accepting the fact that there is poverty in the world doesn’t mean you approve of poverty.

Acceptance also doesn’t mean you’re giving up. Accepting your doctor’s diagnosis of cancer doesn’t mean you’ll refuse treatment and just roll over and die. In addition, acceptance doesn’t preclude taking appropriate action. Recognizing that you’re anxious and experiencing shortness of breath doesn’t mean you won’t use the coping skills you have for calming down. Acceptance is simply paying attention to the way things are and taking appropriate action.

Acceptance alleviates suffering.

Perhaps the greatest benefit of learning the art of acceptance is that it alleviates unnecessary suffering. We’re not saying you won’t feel any more pain, because you will. But the kind of acceptance we’re talking about can lead you to peace amidst the pain, calm in the center of chaos, serenity in spite of suffering. Does this sound too good to be true? In a way, it is, because acceptance doesn’t simply happen overnight.

Give yourself time and cut all contact. Literary all, phone, email, text messaging, seeing eachother, etc for at least 3 full weeks.

Meanwhile, grieve, cry your heart out if you have to. Once you're through the grieven process, move on with your life.

I know this sound easier said than done, but it's the only way.

Good luck and remember: after rain comes sunshine.

[pinkscorpion]

I guess it's normal.

It's been more than a year and I still can't get over a guy that I only dated for 9 months. I haven't even been in contact with him at all in the entire year, either.

Maybe, for you, cutting off contact will actually help, though, if you haven't done that yet.

[moonriverlove]

Thank you so so much for the awesome posts!