Getting my ex back after cheating on her

[AlastairBarnes]

Hi im pretty sure this type of thing has been discussed tonnes of times on this website but I would just like some personal advice. I was going out with my girlfriend for over a year, when one night i went out with friends, got really drunk and in a moment of stupidity kissed another girl. I know I cant use alcohol as an excuse, I was just stupid and it kinda just happened.

I turned round and then i realised my girlfriends friends where behind me... I didnt know if they saw so i just acted casual. A week later they told her after asking one of my friends if I did kiss someone. He confirmed it.

The next thing to happen is my girlfriend came round to my house crying. Looking back i didnt deal with it as well as i could, but i have been tryin to make up for it over the past few weeks to show i care and really want things to work out.

I have tried to think of the most thoughtfull and meaningfull things I could do so she would forgive me.

1 day I have sent 24 red roses to her school and a personalised apology card to her house.
Another day i made a cd, and put alot of effort into it. and also bought small cute personalised things and a single pink rose.
Another day i wrote a handwritten letter which was actually very nice.
And just a few days ago, i went all out, buying easter eggs with her name on it and i love you, a pandora charm, made a scrapbook with pictures of us in it! and more small things and another letter.

This has all happened over the last couple of weeks. Her reaction to me is up and down as i kno it should be. I have had one draw back, at the start when i was really angry at her, i cant even remember why, i did send her a nasty text message but immediately i said sorry and i only acted out of anger.

She said the roses where lovely, and where really nice, and after the cd she said i shoulld give her sometime. But it was really hard for me and to be honest i should of laid back. I only found i could give her a day or two at a time, which i tihnk made things worse.

Iv been texting her quite alot at times just trying to be nice and to show i care but it still is going up and down. But when i gave her the last things, it really did hit rock bottom. I knew she wasnt going to take me back after them but i really did put alot of effort into selecting cute and meaningfull things i knew she would like. The reaction i got was this is all so nice and really thoughtfull but this has to stop, it wont change anything. I know you cant buy forgiveness but do people not think its the thoguht that counts. Well anyway i just rang her up and just said why r u being so harsh to me and she even put me on the phone to her dad. I didnt mind that bec me and her dad get on well. I jsut explained to him i didnt really think i was doing anything wrong, i was just trying to make up for the thing i did and show his daughter i cared. He just said i know i have no real business in it as the relationship is between you to, but she is still hurt atm and doesnt reali want to talk at this moment in time so could you leave her alone. I agreed and havent talked for a few days since.

But before this it has been up and down, saying she stll has feelings for me, saying its over for good, saying she wants to be friends and saying she doesnt. Its just mixed.

For instance she freaked out when i told her that i was told that she was over me. Because she wasnt.

There really is to much detail to write down, but basically she was crazy about me when we where going out and i kno she still has feelings for me now, i just dont kno how to try and start trying to get her back?

She hasnt even kissed another person since we've been broken up.

Anyway i havent been texting her for a few days and im either thinking to give it another week or until she contacts me. But it is actuali so hard, i constantly think about her and miss her loads.
But I worry because if she's going out on the pull, i feel i should be. Do u think i shouldnt even try to pull someone in the next few weeks just to show i really mean im serious about her?

Basically i just need to know what i should do next? I dont really want to hear about youve done all u can u should just move on. I want to know what i can do next and what i should do. I really see it as you have to give it your all to get someone back or cut your loses. Iv already started to give it my all so i cant back out now.

Thanks,Ali

[vashti]

She has told you she doesn't want to talk to you.

Her DAD told you she doesn't want to talk to you.

Some things can't be fixed. Learn your lesson, and move on.

[cmacattack1]

There isn't much you can do. She said she wanted space so you have to leave it at that. It will be her decision to stay or not and that's the bottom line. While all the things you did were thoughtful, doing them after cheating on her only confirms your motives were in your own self interest: to not lose what you have. She's sitting there wondering why he didn't do them before he cheated, and it's a big red flag when all the sudden you shower her with lots of stuff and attention. Everything nice you are doing is constantly reminding her WHY you did it: to make up for your mistake and lapse of judgment. So letting it go and cooling off on the things you are doing is only a good thing, although it's not a guarentee you guys will make it. She might need a little uninterrupted time on her own to miss you and really weigh the pros and negatives of staying in a relationship with you.

It's not the last time she will talk to you so don't worry about that. But when she does, I hope you are prepared for the "we need to talk".

[AlastairBarnes]

Is there nothing more I can do? what would someone have to do for you to realise that they really care?

[AlastairBarnes]

Thanks, your advice is alot more helpfull than other advice i have been receiving!! I havent given her anytime really to herself and to really miss me, so im letting it go now. But i didnt realise that every time i try and do nice things its reminding her what i have done. You were helpfull so thankyou

[Gigabitch]

You should have come clean immediately about kissing someone else. Now it just looks like you're sorry because you got caught. In the future, don't hide things from your gf.

[LailaK]

Is there nothing more I can do? what would someone have to do for you to realise that they really care?

Honestly, all of the "extra" things you're doing are the things that great boyfriends do anyway, not because they're trying to make up for something they did wrong. There's nothing you can do except wait until she's ready to talk to you.

[AlastairBarnes]

your perfectly right, but i just didnt realise what i had until it was taken away.

[cmacattack1]

your perfectly right, but i just didnt realise what i had until it was taken away.

Welcome to exclusive fraternity called "the majority of guys are douchebags." Here is your membership card. I pledged it when I was a freshman.