Almost cheated, but I didn't...gf still thinks so

[bayarea10]

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years now. This past weekend we got in a fight, not to mention been rocky the past 2 years, and I left. I got drunk, met a girl, bought some condoms, and almost cheated. I actually did not sleep with the girl. Earlier today we were hanging out. I was cleaning out the car and realized the box of condoms was still in my glovebox. Nervous, I put it in a plastic bag and threw it in the trash. She saw the box (orange) through the plastic and proceeded to ask what it was. I panicked and said it was a candy box but she pressed it. she saw that it was a box of condoms and asked where they were from. I made up a lie saying they were old, but she said she's never seen these condoms before and if they've been in my glovebox, she would've spotted them a week ago while looking for kleenex. Now, she absolutely thinks I did the deed. She has her mind set. Truth is I really hadn't slept with anyone else...but her mind is made up. Anything I can do in this situation? If we don't work out, I can live with that. But I can't live with the fact that we ended because she thought i cheated and will see me just as that for the rest of our lives.

[Boisdevie]

The condom issue is not really relevant. What's relevant is that your relationship is in a poor state and your girlfriend doesn't trust you. And since you almost slept with another woman (but you didn't) this just tells me your heart really isn't in this relationship.

[bayarea10]

Very true. Thanks. Like I said we may not work out...but I still don't want her to think I cheated. Any ideas on how I can get her to believe me?

[Maple1714]

You just have to be 100% honest with her. Tell her EVERYTHING...that you met a woman and thought about cheating BUT you didn't. Tell her that you have had thoughts of being with other women and that you guys need to turn your relationship around to save it. You say you don't care if you guys work out? Then why do you care what she thinks you did? You don't sound like you want to be in this relationship anymore. I feel sorry for your GF...tell her the truth and move on.

[bayarea10]

When I say we may not work out, I mean if we ever break up, or don't work out, I don't want this to be the reason. After doing some thinking, I do want to be able to try to work past this. Going through this, I realize that other girls aren't really what I want. Yes we haven't been on the best terms, and haven't had that spark that we used to...but I'm not wanting to give up without a fight. Before this happened, I was getting a lot of attention from other girls while less from my girlfriend...and I thought the attention from other girls was what I wanted. This isn't who I am. I'm afraid of telling her the truth because I'm afraid of how much it will hurt her. I love her so much that I really don't want to hurt her at all. I feel I did a horrible thing even though I actually didn't cheat. I'm not trying to be selfish by keeping the truth from her. I'm scared of hurting the girl I love...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't worry about hurting her. You already have. Just tell her what you've told us here. Don't beg and plead to make her believe you. Just tell her straight up that you almost slept with another girl, but realized that wasn't what you wanted, and if she wants to break up with you for that then that's fine. Be matter of fact and unemotional with her, and she will eat it up. Basically, say this is how it really is, and I don't give a **** if you believe me or not because I know it's the truth, and if you want to break up, then I really will go **** someone else.

[Maple1714]

and if you want to break up, then I really will go **** someone else.

You don't need to add this last part....sheesh. That is just mean. You must be honest...

[bayarea10]

I have been done pleading. It's come to a point where I've told her if we ended because of this, it would be horrible knowing that I really didn't cheat. That's the part that sucks the most. Honesty is the only way left I guess...the more I've tried to cover the more messier it's gotten. Wish me luck.

then I really will go **** someone else.

On a lighter note, I will most definitely add this in.....in my head lol. Just kidding thanks everyone.

[Maple1714]

Honesty is ALWAYS the best way to go...b/c like you said when you start trying to lie about shit then it just ends up getting more complicated. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

[bayarea10]

If it goes the route where even if i'm honest with her and she still doesn't believe me, should i mention how i don't even have the signs of a typical cheater. u know, no longer being attracted to her, acting strange, being on my phone all the time, turning her down, not trying to get physical wit her, etc. i mean i know these signs aren't always there...but it's like when i hear about how people act when they cheat, i'm the complete opposite with her. i'm always all over her, i never turn her down when she wants to get intimate (which is actually pretty rare for a while now), i'm always complimenting her, i mean head over heels. we've just had differences as we've been growing up (been together since 16, now 21) and that's what's caused our problems. think any of this would help if i brought it up or should i just leave it out?

[Maple1714]

Just leave it out. I know you feel guilty, and you pretty much did kinda cheat...you just didn't have sex. You spent time with some other girl and you bought a box of condoms...that's cheating. BUT, forgive yourself and be honest with your GF. You don't need to convince her of anything if you are telling the truth.

[HeartIsAching]

Very true. Thanks. Like I said we may not work out...but I still don't want her to think I cheated. Any ideas on how I can get her to believe me?

You can't. I had a GF that was SURE I'd cheated on her with her best friend, and I hadn't. Years later we ran into each other and it came up in conversation. Told her "No, I never slept with Sabrina. Wanted to, SHE wanted me to, but I didn't." She still didn't believe me, not even after the "Why would I lie to you now?" speech.

*shrug*

Why's it important to you? If you're out of it don't worry about it anymore.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

At this point, you've already plead your case. I think the best move would be to tell her you want to end the relationship since she doesn't trust you, and see what she says. At this point, she's in control, she knows it, and she likes making you squirm like the little bitch you are. Take that away from her, and she'll most likely come around, and sooner rather than later.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You don't need to add this last part....sheesh. That is just mean. You must be honest...

How is it mean? It's just saying that hey, these are the facts, and if you don't want to believe me, then fine, I'll just move on. It's just more graphic in order to force a decision, rather than let her string him along and make him jump through hoops. It's called having balls. Most women respect it too.

Why are you such a wimp Maple?

[Maple1714]

How is it mean? It's just saying that hey, these are the facts, and if you don't want to believe me, then fine, I'll just move on. It's just more graphic. Why are you such a wimp Maple?

I just think it's mean to throw something graphic like that in b/c what's the purpose other than a little shock value? I'm not a wimp.