In love with a girl who has a BF

[ThornBird]

Hello everybody. It's my first post ever regarding a love matter and I'm quite amazed I'm here asking your advices.

So, I know this is probably a common topic but ... until it happens to yourself, you never quite get it. It's easy to say - move on, let her be, find somebody else, it's wrong, it won't bring any good BUT it's damn hard to do!

Briefly this is where I stand: I met this girl a while ago (5-6months) at some dance lessons. At first I didn't liked her much. Top of all, I knew she has a bf so my interest dropped even more. But day by day, things evolved and what I've always tried to avoid, happened.

I felt in love with her. It's not how she looks(though she's pretty) ... I've stopped choosing girls by the looks a long time ago... it's everything else - the smile, the innocence in her eyes, the sloppy walk, the fuzzy hair, her personality who seems to say "I'm lost, save me".

Until this day, I never said anything to her about my feelings, I know that 9 times out of 10, confessing stuff like that won't lead to anything good. I just played the ignorant role. Most of the time I've just treated her with indifference, made fun of her and teased her. It was hard to do it but I knew I don't have many other options.

The problem is ... there are only 2 more weeks left and the dance lessons will end and she will move to another town. The more I think about it the more I feel like in one of those romantic sad movies, I never had the patience to watch till the end. Ironic, isn’t it?

What should I do? ... I've twist and turned this on each side. Shut up and let it be? Confess everything to her? Remain in touch with her and act like some kind of a friend? Try to seduce her in these 2 remaining weeks, like I never seduced anyone before?

I am certain that I’m in love with her! The only girl I’ve ever felt this way before was my first GF (we were 5 years together). I’ve met many girls since then (I’m almost 30 now) but my heart was frozen … until now … so I know this is different. Completely different.

I have to do something, I must do something. Please don’t say – forget her … it’s not an option. I’ve fooled myself once that time resolves everything, it doesn’t.

[Mish]

Find a girl who is not unavailable

That's the best advice you will recieve

[Andrew21]

try to keep in touch. how serious is the relationship she has? if its real serious, move on..

but still keep in touch..I don't see why you can't be friends at least..that keeps more possibility open..

[ThornBird]

I've already found plenty of available girls. You missunderstood me. I'm not looking for a gf and I'm not desperate to find someone "special". This just happened. Anyway thx for the tip.

////////

I don't know how serious her relantionship is. I never asked her about it cause i didn't want her to believe that i care. All i can tell is that she's with him for like 4 years and a few weeks ago(i forgot how it camed up) she told me that she thinks they're still toghether for the habbit sake.

[Mish]

Make it easier for yourself and just give up

[Junket]

You're infatuated, everybody here has experienced that.

Everything she does is perfect, your "love" is unconditional, so it doesn't matter if she's not a super model.

Nothing you're going to do in the next 2 weeks will probably do you any good.

Shit, if it bothers you so much, just take the dive. Confess your undying love and make her forget about her other relationship.

Just don't be surprised if you dive into concrete. Least then you won't cry about your missed "opportunity".

[vashti]

She's not married, so I don't think there is anything wrong with telling her "it's too bad you are attached to someone already because I would have loved to ask you out." Her boyfriend doesn't own her.

This is NOT to say you should date her while she has a boyfriend. If she is interested in you, she should break off with him so she can be with you, and if you are a decent guy, you would insist upon that.

[Grayer]

Hello everybody. It's my first post ever regarding a love matter and I'm quite amazed I'm here asking your advices.

So, I know this is probably a common topic but ... until it happens to yourself, you never quite get it. It's easy to say - move on, let her be, find somebody else, it's wrong, it won't bring any good BUT it's damn hard to do!

Briefly this is where I stand: I met this girl a while ago (5-6months) at some dance lessons. At first I didn't liked her much. Top of all, I knew she has a bf so my interest dropped even more. But day by day, things evolved and what I've always tried to avoid, happened.

I felt in love with her. It's not how she looks(though she's pretty) ... I've stopped choosing girls by the looks a long time ago... it's everything else - the smile, the innocence in her eyes, the sloppy walk, the fuzzy hair, her personality who seems to say "I'm lost, save me".

Until this day, I never said anything to her about my feelings, I know that 9 times out of 10, confessing stuff like that won't lead to anything good. I just played the ignorant role. Most of the time I've just treated her with indifference, made fun of her and teased her. It was hard to do it but I knew I don't have many other options.

The problem is ... there are only 2 more weeks left and the dance lessons will end and she will move to another town. The more I think about it the more I feel like in one of those romantic sad movies, I never had the patience to watch till the end. Ironic, isn’t it?

What should I do? ... I've twist and turned this on each side. Shut up and let it be? Confess everything to her? Remain in touch with her and act like some kind of a friend? Try to seduce her in these 2 remaining weeks, like I never seduced anyone before?

I am certain that I’m in love with her! The only girl I’ve ever felt this way before was my first GF (we were 5 years together). I’ve met many girls since then (I’m almost 30 now) but my heart was frozen … until now … so I know this is different. Completely different.

I have to do something, I must do something. Please don’t say – forget her … it’s not an option. I’ve fooled myself once that time resolves everything, it doesn’t.

I'm almost thirty, I'm in love with a girl who is married. I feel the way you do. I 'got' her last week. It's possible.

Refuse to give up, if she is worth it, go after her. Generic advice like 'oh, yea, you must get over her and move on' doesn't exactly work for how you feeling, does it? The 'right' thing to do is not always right for you.

Don't not come on too strong, although, being mature and sounding smart, I don't think you will do that. However, you must get conversation going. You have to show her you are a happy and funny person and she WILL secretly wonder if her life with you will be just as happy and fun.

Get talking about her boyfriend and try to pick up between the lines if she is happy with him. If she doesn't talk about him openly, she is trying to take your mind off him and subconsciously say "Look, I'm with him and it's staying that way until you start showing me some magic, however, I won't throw him in your face and will give you a fair shot, but you're going to have to work for it". Any girl can be had, doesn't matter her circumstances. You just need the right magic words. Don't let the girlies on here tell you otherwise

Let us know how it goes. I'm curious since I was in the same situation and it's having a happy ending right now.

[misombra]

Don't let the girlies on here tell you otherwise

the only "girlie" in this thread posted this...

She's not married, so I don't think there is anything wrong with telling her "it's too bad you are attached to someone already because I would have loved to ask you out." Her boyfriend doesn't own her.

This is NOT to say you should date her while she has a boyfriend. If she is interested in you, she should break off with him so she can be with you, and if you are a decent guy, you would insist upon that.

[tooxshort]

I'm almost thirty, I'm in love with a girl who is married. I feel the way you do. I 'got' her last week. It's possible.

Congratulations on participating in ruining someone's marriage!


To the original poster, many times the idea of a person makes them seem perfect ... Also, since she's taken, she may seem fantastic because she simply has nothing to lose. She may not be trying to impress anyone and a lot of times, that's better. As Vashti said, she's not married, so mentioning your feelings wouldn't be the end of the world.

[Mish]

She's not married,

Would your advice change if she was married?

[Grayer]

Congratulations on participating in ruining someone's marriage!


To the original poster, many times the idea of a person makes them seem perfect ... Also, since she's taken, she may seem fantastic because she simply has nothing to lose. She may not be trying to impress anyone and a lot of times, that's better. As Vashti said, she's not married, so mentioning your feelings wouldn't be the end of the world.

Equally congratulations by jumping to a conclusion before you knew the situation. Which I can't be bother to explain to a stranger on a forum.

[Grayer]

the only "girlie" in this thread posted this...

Ah right. Wouldn't know, never read other replies.

[vashti]

Would your advice change if she was married?

Yes. I draw the line between married and not married.

[genesis01419]

Your not the only one whose suffering from this kind of problem. The best thing you can do is ignore her and teach your self to find another one, do not tolerate your self.