winning her back

[tekkan1]

Hey guys, please excuse the essay but i'm at a loss here!

Basically, I lost my girlfriend of 2 and a half years about 2-3 weeks ago due to my lack of 'trying' or 'effort' in the relationship and she's found another guy (who was one of my best friends) who she likes and has kissed several times. He ended their 'thing' a few days after we broke up cause he felt terrible and promised me that they were done with (they didn't do anything whilst we were going out by the way). anyway, me and my ex made up and we were on speaking terms and she seemed to be into me, she was making all the effort to contact me and talk to me and the rest and i responded briefly and playfully.. it felt like she was trying to win back my affection. anyway, 2 days ago she revealed through indirect conversation that this guy had ended their thing again and she was upset and i went mad because they'd both said that they had already finished before ^ and i said some things that hurt her and also said i wanted to cut contact for good. they had hooked back up a bit after they first ended it and now he'd ended it again for good, just wanting to be friends. so essentially, the situation as it stands is that i'm not talking to her and she's not talking to me but we're both single. any other girl i wouldn't give a shit about but no matter how hard i try i can't get over her, she always liked me way more than i did her in the relationship and we had a great relationship but she always tried harder than me to keep us going. now it's the reverse! haha, i didn't realise how much i loved her till we ended, and i really really need her back and i feel like i can get her back but i don't know how best to go about it! from reading shit and my general incentive, i feel the best way to go about stuff is just give her space for like a month or so before making contact and hopefully she'll realise what she's lost.. but should i apologise now for the stuff i said 2 days ago to make things civil between us and then cut contact? or should i just pretend to have totally moved on and wait for her to make contact and then start things off again in a month or so? sorry if this massive paragraph makes for incoherent nonsense but i'm tired and keep getting distracted! i know most of you will probably say to move on because that's what all my friends are saying, but i love this girl more than anyone and i literally can't get over her, i need to at least try my hardest to get her back for my own sake!

thank you so much in advance for any helpful replies, it means a lot

[Boisdevie]

If you love this girl why did you not make more 'effort' first time around. You literally can't get over her? Well tough shi.t because she's busy getting over you. Deal with it.

[Cerby]

i said some things that hurt her

This will be the defining point, people rarely forget the hurtful things said out of anger, because you usually mean them. Try whatever you like, but it is completely her choice whether you get another shot, any kind of game you play in the process is for your benefit, it likely will have no impact on the final outcome, whether it be positive or negative.

[michelle23]

You should not have taken her for granted when you were together. Most women get fair sick of that bullshit fairly fast... Surprised it lasted two and a half years... Anyway if I were you Id go no contact and see if she comes back.

But if she does-you probably wont learn your lesson and you'll treat her like crap again. Maybe she thinks your friend will treat her better

[spiritofjosh]

To be honest, its never easy moving on or getting over your ex. But to date somebody who would date another so quickly after a 2 year relationship, no matter how neglecting you were it just screams red flag IMO. It for one shows she must of shown feelings before you two even broke up, and that she just keeps you dangling between her deciding if she wants the new guy or you.

Also do yourself a big favor and stop blaming you not being affectionate for her actions because chances are she may of had feelings for the other guy even if you won best boyfriend of the year, 2 years in a row.

If you want less up front advice and really insist on trying to win her back then stay away. Stay away from her number in your phone, her facebook, email or whatever contact you may have with her. And keep this up until she contacts you. If you're right there for her she'll always assume you will be, especially after she saw you were when she dated somebody else and it "didn't work." So prove her manipulations won't work and eventually she'll come begging, and if not you already got your head start moving on.

[ashley89]

there really is no way to "win" someone back... once they have made up their mind about ending a relationship it is pretty much over. she is already into another guy. just take it as a lesson learned and move on, there is no use spending time worrying about how to win someone back that doesn't want to be with you anymore.

[spiritofjosh]

there really is no way to "win" someone back... once they have made up their mind about ending a relationship it is pretty much over. she is already into another guy. just take it as a lesson learned and move on, there is no use spending time worrying about how to win someone back that doesn't want to be with you anymore.

Mostly I'd agree but that isn't always the case. Sometimes relationships end for reasons one of both people can't control, but reunite and stay together for some time. I've seen this happen several times, twice it lead to a happy marriage.

On the contrary, the situation as his should be something to learn from and move on. Chances are his ex will continue to just toy with any guy who will date her for quite some time, meanwhile the OP would have found somebody else making him happier than he ever was with his now ex.

[michelle23]

I agree that jumping from one person to the next is wrong especially a friend of yours. She is being unfair to you OP. But i really didnt like the way you were laughing saying she was way more into you than you were to her.

And now after two and a half yeas-the pennies dropped-you love her but only because shes gone.. Do you see my point here? That is wrong

[relationships2]

Hey how are you?

I don't exactly what you said to her to hurt her, but it depends how bad it was. If it was totally disrespectful and unacceptable, (you be the judge) then you should apologize but if it was just some things you said because you were pissed off and mad because she hooked up with your friend the second time around, then you should leave her alone and let her miss you.

But at the same time, she did do her best when she was with you right? She worked and tried at the relationship more than you did. Therefore I believe she still has feeling for you but she is trying to find someone who will make her happy and treat her good.

I don't think you should leave her alone because if you feel like you do love her, and she is a good girl (does her best in the the relationship) then you guys should be together. The thing is that next time around you should try your best as well. I know it's a little hectic and confusing but I have been in similar situations with different girls. I always missed them when I lost them.

Therefore make sure, really make sure, that you really do love her and want to be with her and you don't just want her because you don't have her right now.

In my personal opinion, I would write her a letter and express all your feelings, appreciation for her, and what you are going to do the next time around.

Don't rush into anything though, take your time to contact her but do not be too prideful. Just be honest with her about your feelings.

Take care bro