As it's my first post and I have a tendency to be verbose when writing, I'm going to keep this basic and short. Details on everything are absolutely available upon request, if they are needed to provide better advice or what-not.
I was with my girlfriend for almost 7 years. Lived together for six of those years. About a month-and-a-half ago, she broke up with me. I acted outraged, astounded, blindsided, etc. I couldn't believe that she could just walk away from 7 years. Of course, what I didn't realize then was that she had probably started that walk long before she made the break. Perfectly understandable, just sucks for me.
Anyway, I accept most of the responsibility for the break-up. The usual things over that amount of time - complacency, lessening of intimacy, a growing hatred of a job I stayed with to help support her going to school full-time - things like that.
Seven years is a long time, and I know it will take me time to get over it. Also, we both lost our best friend - seven years together sort of demands that we're best friends, I suppose. We still stay in contact, but not daily (although I would like to). I had an accident one evening and with no one else to turn to, she came and took me to the ER, staying with me until I was out. All night. I know that she's not "sick" of me, or hates me or whatever. I know she cares. When she was ill and in bed that very same week, I was the one she called and I "sacrificed" (okay, not really) most of my night to keep her company while she dozed off and came to, so I know she knows I still care. (And, of course...you know, I freaked out when she left and begged to change her mind. The usual breakdowns, it's fairly obvious I was not pleased)
ANYWAY
I'm to a point where whatever happens...happens. If she's gone forever, then I'll survive and probably be stronger. I wanted to be sure of that, because although I am ready to put the ball in her court and let the chips fall where they may, there's two things that bother me:
1) When we first started seeing each other, after a couple months, we were seeing each other most every day. One night she told me that we should slow down, and I quickly consoled her, telling her that however fast she wants to go was okay with me. Later that night, she said that she feels that way about things sometimes, but that she needs me to fight through for her. Six years ago, I know...but still...
2) I don't want to look back on this relationship 20 years from now and think, "Maybe I should have made a real effort at winning her back". I'm done with regrets, I feel like that's my biggest change since she left. What's the worst that can happen? I'm shy as hell, and i just did an open mic stand-up that got crickets, but I loved every minute of it because it was new, and I did it. Hard to explain.
Sorry...verbose verbose verbose.
My question to those who have read this far is - if a long-term boyfriend you dumped 6 weeks ago made a grand, romantic gesture,would that appeal to you? Those grand, romantic gestures are a nice touch in movies and books, but can sometimes be creepy. I'm not planning a grand gesture to bring her back to where we were a year or two ago. I am planning a grand gesture to get her to possibly want to rebuild a relationship from square one. If she fell out of love with me, as she said, then I cannot just convince her to fall back in love. I don't think, anyway. I wooed her once. I need to try and woo her again, fully aware that it might not work. My grandmother always told me, "A great relationship is hard, because it's a constant cycle of falling in and out of love. You're always working at trying to make the other fall in love with you." She was old-fashioned, but I guess I am too.
One of her biggest problems with me at the end was our divergent interests. She was very active, I was always tired. This grand gesture is going to be a scavenger hunt of sorts, to places she would never have thought I would go. I never showed her how important her interests were to me after those first few years...I need to do that now, because they are.