gut feeling??

mel2208 · 09-04-10, 11:28 PM

hi ppl..

Hope your all well... thought id just ask..the thing is i keep gettin these gut feelings my bf is lying to me about somethin? i dont know why..Ive not felt like this before... do you trust gut instincts?

My bf still lives with his parents..not ideal.. Hes got a very, very controlling mother and she dont let him live his own life!!! hes 30 and has a duaghter from a10 year marriage... He doesnt see his duaghter much down to his mother. She thinks while he is staying under their roof that it should be down to her when her granddaughter stays..very very odd.... She likes to control him and its caused friction between me and him...ive told him either he sorts this out or hes gonna lose me and he will lose his duaghter too... Ive told him he needs to move out of his mums but he makes excuses up..sayin hes got no money...
His ex wife has started to lose patience with him..I can understand though because he keeps letting his mum dictate when and where he can see his daughter.. He needs to grow a pair and tell his mum!!.. Hes not allowed to stop over mine after 11pm!! he has to do a lot for them..like chores and things...Its really pissing me off!!!! I love him, i know i do and i want to be with him...but i feel hes making excuses up...I dont like these gut feelings i keep getting that hes lying so he dont look too much of a wuss... what do i do here? im on the verge of sayin enoughs enough...and walk away

**starbuck** · 09-04-10, 11:33 PM

Yes, gut instincts are good indicators that something is wrong. I often find I get more in trouble when I DON'T trust my gut and I second-guess myself.

What exactly do you think he's lying about?

**the_robot** · 09-04-10, 11:40 PM

Make him man up, get a job (or a good one if he already has one) and go to live on his own or something... a 30 year old man shouldn't be controlled by his mother this way, it's sick.

I don't know what you think he is lying about though...

**Gigabitch** · 09-04-10, 11:43 PM

My instincts have never steered me wrong. Don't second guess yours.

mel2208 · 09-04-10, 11:43 PM

HI Starbuck.. I dont know exactly what it is..I cant seem to put my finger on it..do you know what kinda feelin i mean? Its really nagging at me at the minute... I know his mum is so controlling but when ive seen her face to face she seems ok..!( this may be an act in front of me though) ive tried to help him with problems and have said he needs to sort things out..He just seems to be making excuses and doesnt sort these problems out..I feel he makes excuses about a lot of things and just puts stuff off... Hes not allowed to do a lot of stuff and he has led a sheltered childhoood growing up..but if its that bad wouldnt you want to sort things out? he knows i want to help and he says he loves the fact i want to help...but does he do anythin? nope...

mel2208 · 09-04-10, 11:45 PM

He works..Hes a manager for a chain of stores... Hes quite high up...this is another thing i cant understand..hes got power at work but nothing around his mother!!! its like hes scared of her!!

**xxazurexx** · 09-04-10, 11:52 PM

I always trust my gut, it's never let me down yet.

I don't believe that a guy of his age, would allow his mother 'that' much control over him and if he does, then he's a big wuss.

**xxazurexx** · 09-04-10, 11:53 PM

Why don't you have a private word with his mum?

**Aeradalia** · 09-04-10, 11:54 PM

Originally Posted by xxazurexx

Why don't you have a private word with his mum?

That could backfire... badly.

Have you addressed the problem with your bf directly... in a way that is undeniable?

mel2208 · 10-04-10, 12:04 AM

Ive spoken to him about if a few times...saying he needs sort it out.... He says he will but doesnt...he says he wants to but doesnt...Its been months now!! I feel like im hitting my head against a brick wall!! Hes a lovely guy and wouldnt hurt a fly... He loves me, i know he does..I want him to be happy but i do feel hes scared of saying anything to her!!! its getting a joke... I have mentioned to him that i ll have a quiet word with his mum..But that didnt go down too well..

**Gigabitch** · 10-04-10, 12:06 AM

I'm sorry, mel, but it looks to me like this guy already has a woman in his life and she's not going to budge. Either accept this the way it is or find a man who has cut the umbilical cord.

**Aeradalia** · 10-04-10, 12:06 AM

Mel... you may have to prepare yourself for the possibility that he may not change. What will you do then?

**starbuck** · 10-04-10, 12:07 AM

Is he paying his ex child support? Maybe right now he can't financially move out of his mother's home even with his current salary.

It's probably having a negative affect on your relationship, but I wonder if it's something he just feasibly can't afford to do unless he gets a higher paying job?

mel2208 · 10-04-10, 12:17 AM

He does pay child maintenance every month and he gets upset on how much he misses his daughter.. He does have a student loan hes still paying off.. I wonder if his mother knows he cant afford to move out? and using this to her advantage? I had a chat with bf's ex wife and she said his mother was like this when they first met 12 years ago... She says she was very controlling

I just dont know what to do... should i give him an ultimatum do you think? i love him but i cant wait around forever like this..

**the_robot** · 10-04-10, 12:26 AM

Originally Posted by mel2208

I just dont know what to do... should i give him an ultimatum do you think? i love him but i cant wait around forever like this..

You said it.. You can't wait forever... he has to man up, he can't be his mother child forever, and you could help him do it... if he wants.

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