Friends complicating a potential relationship

[Mathematics]

Firstly, it's a pleasure to meet you all. It's wonderful to have an outlet to express myself when needed. This is the first time I have ever had the need to turn to a forum for relationship advice so this does not feel natural to me at all. Sorry if I ramble.

I am a 22 year old male, with a decent job and a good group of close friends. I would say that 4 or 5 are really good friends, but others come to our social events as "friends of friends". I get on well with them in a social situation, but I wouldn't organise anything with them. In fact, I can't think of a time in which I have socialised with these people, when I do not have the company of at least 1 of my good friends. I hope that makes sense.

Recently, I have started to grow fond of one of them. I shall call her "W". The attraction is a relatively recent thing due to me getting to know her better, but I think that the appreciation may be mutual. Of course, as many of the men here will know, we are rubbish at reading signs of attraction (me, especially). However, there are hints. For example, she gives me nicknames, gives good eye contact and will draw attention to certain parts of my physical appearance (for example, she must have spent a considerable part of a recent evening during attention to the fact that she thought she could see my nipples through my shirt - odd, I know). She has also often said things like "Looking sexy" to me, which I haven't noticed her doing with the other males in the group. However, I cannot be sure! The physical barrier has also been broken, although very subtlety by resting her leg against mine under the table often on a night out. Not footsie or anything, but I'm certain she knew that my leg wasn't the table leg! We even exchanged about 10 text messages yesterday. This is rather unprecedented between us.

One of my female friends has noticed the attraction, from me, I think. 2 other girls in the group are absolutely stunning and I have never hid that fact. However, despite them being absolutely gorgeous they have very shallow personalities, so aren't relationship material for me. Call them Y and E. My friend said to me last night...

"Would you rather go out with Y or W?"

I said "Y". Maybe stupidly, but I did. I was trying to hide the fact. I shall explain why later. She replied with "That's interesting" and proceeded to the next question

"Would you rather go out with E or W?". Noticing that "W" is the common denominator, I said "W". However, the conversation didn't go any further. Considering I have never made public my attraction to W, this is very strange. However, I did not push my friend on this in case my attraction is public and that she tells "W"

I am worried about rocking the boat. Despite socialising with W most weeks, I don't see myself as being part of the dreaded "friend zone" so that's at least in my favour. However, if I ask her out and she says "No" the awkwardness and subsequent "publicity" of my attraction could make things difficult. A couple of my friends got into a very short, unsuccessful relationship in the past, and it split a wonderful group of friends for 2 years. I am worried that may happen again. All of my ex girlfriends were effectively "strangers" to my friends so I have never had this problem.

I'm not sure what to do. Shall I ask her out and not consider the implications? Or maybe I could try to see, through a friend, If the feeling is mutual? However, this is not my "style" at all. It makes me seem like a right dork if she finds out that I'm trying to covertly scope out if she is attracted to me. As she is very good friends with my friends, I do not trust them enough not to tell her. Sad fact. Or maybe, I should just wait for a better sign that she feels the same way. I am 100% she won't make the first move, so it's down to me.

I hope everything is clear. If you have more questions I will be happy to reply. A bit tame and childish compared to some problems in this thread, but I think that as friends are involved, it complicates matters.

Many thanks for reading!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Be direct. Don't bother with going through friends. Tell W how you feel about her, and let the cards fall. This way you don't have to worry about things getting lost in translation or one of these other girls adding their own spin to what you say. Just tell her how you feel, ask her out, and if she says no, move on. Don't complicate things by investing more into your 'friendship' with her. Get it out in the open now, and proceed accordingly.

[VincenzoG91]

You are over-analyzing this situation. Ask her out on a real date sometime soon, before your friends have any further opportunity to complicate things. If she says no, try to not make a big deal out of it and she probably won't either. That should avoid most if not all of the potential awkwardness.

The longer you wait, the greater the chance that this situation will become messed up or awkward anyway.

[Mathematics]

The only opportunity I would get to do so would be by phone. Our friends are ALWAYS around. I'm not going to ask her out over the phone.

[VincenzoG91]

The only opportunity I would get to do so would be by phone. Our friends are ALWAYS around. I'm not going to ask her out over the phone.

Why not? That's a perfectly normal way to ask a woman out. What color is the sky in your world?

[Boisdevie]

Don't tell her how you feel. Just by asking her out on a date is enough to let her know exactly how you feel. Something like you were going on a walk at the weekend and wondered if she'd like to come.