Letting 'the others' know about the cheating? need URGENT advice!

[marman]

Ok, I need some really quick replies if possible, can be short too, I'm just unsure what to do

Also PLEASE don't quote this post, I might want to edit it later to make it less obvious who this is about!
Edited:

My ex is dating two other girls, and casually seeing another two or three (if not more). Of course none of them know about the others. He's also planning to take pictures and video and share them with his friends.

Should I let them know? I don't know them, but I have their emails. Some of them are very young and naive, from what I know about them, he's being a total a$$hole here... I feel like I need to say something them. THoughts?

[Rhainnonxx]

thats a seriously hard situation, you dont want to seem like the crazy ex but they definitely deserve to know. do you have a friend that also knows your ex that could do it?

[marman]

That's the thing - I would definitely want to know in their case, but at the same time I know I'm going to come across as the bitter ex wanting revenge. Sure, a part of me probably wants to spite him, but all this is seriously messed up.

The idea with the friend is good. I do have one. I'll ask her! Thanks Rhainnon!




Any more thoughts from anybody else? I really want to do the right thing here...

[LaMb ChOp]

You don't want to seem like the jealous ex but they ought to know and he should be taught a lesson! I think it's a good idea to ask a friend to help, but I would say make sure that you have got your facts 100% straight otherwise it could seriously backfire.

[Wakeup]

I'm curious as to how you obtained all this information and how you could possibly know if these girls know about one another or not.

My take on it is if they're willing to pose nude for someone they barely know, then they are'nt really the type that would worry if they were one of many or not.

I don't get the vibe that you need be so "concerned."

[marman]

My laptop saved his password in a browser I don't normally use, and it logged me in automatically. And plenty of emails about this subject (bragging to friends etc) stared me right in the face. Sounds like a lame excuse and might still be classified as snooping, I don't know... I do feel bad, but it happened. It isn't something I have ever done before, and I wouldn't have intentionally done it now either since up until now, there had been no hard feelings between us, and I never had any reason to be suspicious.
Anyway, it happened. And the girls didn't pose nude afaik, but he likes to take pictures etc. and I guess he figured if they're easy enough to get him laid so quickly, there'll be picture opportunities soon enough. Whether or not that's true, I've no idea of course, but the intention is there and he's a veeeery persuasive person. Take a young girl who's flattered by the sudden attention, and he IS very handsome and he's got the 'cute enamoured guy who couldn't hurt a fly'' role down to a tee...
Otherwise I would agree with you, Wakeup!

Anyway, what happened now is that I emailed them myself, my friend is abroad at the moment. One of them already replied, very nicely, and very much appreciated my email. It looks like she already had a hunch, but no proof.

Thank you all for your answers, I hope I did the right thing...

[Wakeup]

So do I because if you've caused your ex much grief, the shit has just hit the fan for you. I hope you like drama because if any of these girls tells him what you've been up to you're going to be in the middle of lots of it.

Keep us posted. No matter how it goes, it will be interesting to see.

[MerryH]

You're going to catch shit for this, for sure. But just ignore it. Don't get yourself involved at all going forward. You did what you thought you needed to do, don't be tempted to defend yourself. Just be done with it.

[HeartIsAching]

I think you're sticking your face where it doesn't belong. It's not up to you to control his behavior or try to alter his relationships. This is childish, controlling behavior, stick to your own business.

[pisces25]

I would stay out of it.

[IndiReloaded]

Wasn't there a website where women could post about really scummy boyfriends to warn other women? I forgot the name....

[tremolo]

[url=http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com]DontDateHimGirl.com - Empowered and Informed Love, Dating, Marriage and Relationship Advice for Women[/url]

[marman]

I doubt I've caused him much grief; I let two of god knows how many women he's screwing over know that he is screwing them over. Sure he'll likely be indignant and tell me how dare I do all this, but quite honestly - what he is doing to them and what he did to me was/is so awful that at worst, we're 'even'. Again, I'm not looking for revenge, and I've actually got a very clean conscience. I think I did the right thing.

[eo_ih]

I think you're sticking your face where it doesn't belong. It's not up to you to control his behavior or try to alter his relationships. This is childish, controlling behavior, stick to your own business.

I agree with this. It's disgraceful that you'd lower yourself to ruining his current "relationships" with girls. Who are you to decide and attempt to control how many girls he is allowed to be involved with at any one time, and to conclude that the poor darlings need rescuing from him? You may not like him, but they apparently do, so just leave them alone. Find someone yourself to take your mind off it.

I doubt I've caused him much grief; I let two of god knows how many women he's screwing over know that he is screwing them over. Sure he'll likely be indignant and tell me how dare I do all this, but quite honestly - what he is doing to them and what he did to me was/is so awful that at worst, we're 'even'. Again, I'm not looking for revenge, and I've actually got a very clean conscience. I think I did the right thing.

lol, of course you are. You're now "even".... butttt it's not revenge, right? Come on, at least admit it to yourself. If someone you really liked was seeing several people at once (which, by the way, is hardly unusual) then I doubt you'd be quite so compelled to knock it all down for him. I bet you've had female friends talking delightedly about stringing along several interested men - did you rush to alert them?

It's appalling really.

[devonbrown]

You are dressing up your actions in a false sense of "doing the right thing." But it is more simple than that. You are butting in on the business of someone who is no longer in your life and in the lives of people you don't even know. So your ex is a jerk. So what? That is the reason why he is your ex. Stop thinking about him at all and just live your life.
You say it isn't about revenge, but you aren't the defender of all women. Of course it is about revenge. Just ignore the bastard.
And stop trying to justify your behavior. In my opinion, you look just as bad as he does in this situation.

I know that people are not going to like this comment, but I am sure that everyone has things in their life that they wouldn't like their ex sharing with people. Good or bad. The ends do not justify the means. Machiavelli was wrong.

Good luck.